Depression and Accepting or Resisting Futility

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So how do I get to that point?

I've lived an entire life of loneliness. I survived it and I'm still here. I've learned to immerse myself among people whether they are personal contacts or not. Anonymous people count too. Furthermore, you are always around people when you go out into public. You may not be with anyone specifically, but if you absorb the environment you can see and hear all sorts of stories going on. Realize that life is more vibrant around you then you might think. You can also share in other people's lives online. A lot of people vlog on all kinds of topics and you can follow them to see what they're doing next. They typically have communities around them that you can comment with. Let go of the idea of people following you and expecting likes or replies. Just be online and be with people. Like, don't just read a tweet or watch a video but comment and offer your input. Be a part of the community.

When you live a life of loneliness, you have to accept that loneliness. Out of my own life, I can say that what led to my loneliness was that I felt rejected by the employment system, I did not have many opportunities to proceed with my chosen profession, and so I chose to work at home. This choice to work at home crippled me financially and I have been for 10 going on 11 years. Because of that, I've lost the opportunity to meet with new people, via a variety of paths whether it be other people at work, people who I share my hobby with, and so on so forth.

Going this path has also deteriorated my health. My teeth are in extremely bad shape and it's disfigurement is a visible deterrent to anyone who sees me. I've also gained a lot of weight in that time and it's been a struggle to get it off. As you can imagine, I cannot attract any sort of mate and have not ever had one. I am 35 years old.

I've come to a point where I accept everything that has happened to me and everything that I am as a result of the past. It's helped me to forgive myself for everything that's happened whether it was in my control or out of my control. What's left today is a very wise and knowledgeable person with a wealth of lessons at my beck and call. These lessons will help me recover from being down and out. At one point, I really was almost down and out. I suffered from psychotic depression due to the overuse use of remote viewing. That experience in itself forced me to heal in a way that involved others, acknowledging & accepting of the self, and being realistic with life. I was able to love others more intensely after that.

Throughout it all, you have to have hope for the future. There is an open path to your ideal life but you must acknowledge what's blocking you, acknowledge your role in it, then plan your way out of it. Don't just give up. No matter how hard it is.

Sometimes I even find the Earth and people so heavy I feel like after dying I should find a pocket dimension and spend an eon alone to rejuvenate lol.

If you've ever read Between Death and Life: Conversations with Spirit by Dolores Cannon, the higher self actually reported on such a place. You wouldn't be there for an eon, but you do go into your own space to heal. This is for people who've endured very difficult lives though.

That was an excellent heart centered action of compassion. Sorry i did not get here before the system banned you. I trust you will be called to help others as you score quite highly.


In general, fate cannot be changed. Free will allows you to make it easier or harder however.

As for friends, you can reconcile in the astral even if you never do on earth.

As for life, the path your higher self set is likely not what 3rd density would call successful. It is quite peculiar.

For me, i only needed to serve through my saturn mahadasha. Basically survive long enough and it changes.

Yeah, that post was compassionate.

I should have appreciated what he was trying to do better. Why did he get banned?

Also, just... Please do not even bring back up those old posts or the subject. I am trying to move on and don't wanna have my old whiney bullshit shoved in my face while I try to do so.

As for astral reconciliation... Eh. I find it cheap. If we could just do everything in the astral and have the same impact, there would be no use for/point in the physical. Some things really just don't have much impact outside the physical. To me, that includes reconciling over 3rd density grievances.

But as long as I get my own sense of closure and move on, I can reach a point where I no longer need reconciliation, which is far more substantial than some pseudo-reconciliation in the astral, where neither party can be expected to DO anything to give it any impact. I used to count on that kinda thing, because I was trauma bonded. Now I realize that in my traumatized state, I could not see how unbeneficial that sense of dependency was, nor was I willing to be honest about the person I missed so greatly.

I was no saint, but at least I gave my all and tried to make things work. There are a lot of deceptions this "friend" put out and continues to out out to this day that none of us, not her, not me, not her friends, no-one, have been willing to even be aware of. It took a lot of bullshit to go through to see just what kind of person I was really dealing with, but unless they change as well, they are not punishing me with their absence. Probably for the best. That person's issues cannot really be fixed by doing everything in the astral. If they cannot *ahem* reconcile their issues in physical 3rd density, then their issues are unresolved. But I need to stop making that MY problem. I recognize that my problem is not them, but something that their issues trigger. Whether they choose to be honest with themselves and actually change is not my business, and I need to stop needing them to or making it my business. I just need to make sure I do that for me.