Greatful

[Ankh]

Good morning, my dear Wanderer's of the world!

I just wanted to thank you all for this great forum where I can find my sanctuary and occasional escape, where I can drink from love and bathe in light and tell you such things without being seen as an insane person. Thank you all!

I also want to thank the One for finding this information of Ra and Carla for writing "Handbook of Wanderer's" where my questions can be answered, where my doubts can be stilled and the true heart and spirit of mine can find the strenght to rise and shine as true light it once was. That, finally, after so many years of searching, feeling emptiness and alienation I find that I do belong in this world and that everything does have a purpose. And most of all that all my imagination, fantasies, cravings and dreams were not dreams or fantasies at all, but is a genuin reality... Now I can finally breathe... Thank you!

//Love to you all!

[Ali Quadir]

Welcome Ankh It's always good to find new people around our virtual campfire.

[Meerie]

...tell you such things without being seen as an insane person.

Well we are all a little crazy here so welcome to the madhouse!
I like the Ankh symbol by the way

[Brittany]

Welcome, Ankh! Who wants to be normal? Crazy is so much more fun! :-)

It is indeed a relief to discover that your thoughts have more meaning and power than just idle fantasy. Discovering this has made my whole existence fuller. Have you read any of the Seth Material? I think you would probably like it. I'm currently devouring "The Eternal Validity of the Soul"...it makes a lot of points about how thoughts shape reality.

Much Love,
Lynn

[Lavazza]

We're all coo-coo for Infinity-puffs here. Welcome aboard!!!

[Brittany]

coo-coo for infinity puffs. <rolls on the floor laughing for the next twenty minutes> XD

Oh...that made my day.

[Aaron]

lol Lavazza, that was great!

Hi, Ankh, and welcome!

[Ankh]

Thank you all!

I feel great relief and piece in my soul by being here.

Meerie - It's been someting about Egypt since I was a teenager that I can't put my finger on. Probably was the name of Ra is what caught my attention in the first place. And who knows maybe it is all that there is for it? That the name of Ra would attract me and I would start to read all that text despite that difficult english (which is not my mother language).

Ahktu - discovering this information have made me whole. Actually I wrote a book about it, but instead of Wanderers I called them Guardians. Through the writing I felt so much love and longing for something/someone essential that it was insufferable sometimes. In my book there's that theme - we are a family of total 13 sisters and brothers and a home, which I forget in the beginning of the incarnation. And just when I finished that book of 200 pages I found material of Ra and Wanderer's. And... well it's been divine experience and magic days when it all were landing at me. I cried and cried and cried, and felt so much love that it's not even possible to explain. Still I have difficulties to believe it all to be true, because of it's divine nature. For me it was just vivid fantasy that I even didn't dream of to be true!

I haven't read Seth Material, but I am very intrested (and not only because of one of main caracters in my book is named Seth ). Would you please give me a webbpage?

//Love to you all!

[Meerie]

Meerie - It's been someting about Egypt since I was a teenager that I can't put my finger on. Probably was the name of Ra is what caught my attention in the first place. And who knows maybe it is all that there is for it? That the name of Ra would attract me and I would start to read all that text despite that difficult english (which is not my mother language).

I have been fascinated with Egypt ever since I was little too... I read all these books about the pharaos and I figured when I was grown-up I would be an archeologist, doing excavations at the pyramids in Giza and making great discoveries

[Ankh]

I have been fascinated with Egypt ever since I was little too... I read all these books about the pharaos and I figured when I was grown-up I would be an archeologist, doing excavations at the pyramids in Giza and making great discoveries

Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror my sight slightly changes and it appers that I should have black hair and something gold and turquoise on my head. That something's missing in my face also, perhaps some make up to highlight some features. But who knows - might be vivid fantasy. But I remember being a teenager I borrowed all these books at local library as you did, and read about pharaos and all that history. =)

[Ali Quadir]

Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror my sight slightly changes and it appers that I should have black hair and something gold and turquoise on my head. That something's missing in my face also, perhaps some make up to highlight some features. But who knows - might be vivid fantasy. But I remember being a teenager I borrowed all these books at local library as you did, and read about pharaos and all that history. =)

Did you read Initiation by Elisabeth Haich? It's about a woman who step by step discovers she was at some point an Egyptian priestess. It really sounds like you might identify with that story. Also it's considered a very good bit of spiritual writing.

[Ankh]

Did you read Initiation by Elisabeth Haich? It's about a woman who step by step discovers she was at some point an Egyptian priestess. It really sounds like you might identify with that story. Also it's considered a very good bit of spiritual writing.

No I have not, but I certainly will now! Than you, Ali!

[Meerie]

But who knows - might be vivid fantasy.

who knows... it might not just be fantasy
During my "awakening" process I had a short glimpse of being in the chamber of initiation in the Great pyramid. And afterwards I started reading all these stories about Isis and could identify with her a lot.
Have you actually been to Egypt, Ankh? I considered going there this november with a group of people, but the trip was cancelled. According to Ra, the pyramid is like a piano, out of tune "it plays the tune but oh so poorly". I would love to soak up the energy of the place and see if it triggers something in me. And the Egyptian museum in Cairo would also greatly interest me.

[Ankh]

who knows... it might not just be fantasy
During my "awakening" process I had a short glimpse of being in the chamber of initiation in the Great pyramid. And afterwards I started reading all these stories about Isis and could identify with her a lot.
Have you actually been to Egypt, Ankh? I considered going there this november with a group of people, but the trip was cancelled. According to Ra, the pyramid is like a piano, out of tune "it plays the tune but oh so poorly". I would love to soak up the energy of the place and see if it triggers something in me. And the Egyptian museum in Cairo would also greatly interest me.

I felt shiver through my body while I read your reply. I have not been in Egypt but I have to go there during this lifetime!

I also had some of the glimps being in chambers, the dim of the torches, walking through underground tunnels... And I have strong sensations when I hear words like Hathor (considered to be Isis I think?), RA, Ankh and many more. Unfortunatly are those sensations out of reach of my conscious mind.

When I read your words about pyramids it was like someone was talking to me: "Offcourse it lies power within them"; That is that pyramids are like piano! Oh, how I would love to go there and as you said soaking out that atmosphere. Who knows what will happen? Maybe it will all come back to me? And I will remember...?

[Ankh]

Meerie - what do you feel about Magic? Not this new Wiccan magic, that magic I don't know about and therefore don't want to speak of, but some kind of "old" magic, which I prefer to call practicing the mighty power/Force/energy, the "knowledge" of how it works? Don't know if it has something to do with Egypt but it feels like there were this knowledge, a long time gone now, about powerful formulas/rituals/ceremonies, and that we used it... Vivid fantasy again, sister...?

[Brittany]

There is a book- "Shamanic Mysteries of Egypt" by Nicki Scully and Linda Star Wolf. I think you might really enjoy it. Much of what you have been saying is depicted similarly in this book. Just a thought.

[Ankh]

There is a book- "Shamanic Mysteries of Egypt" by Nicki Scully and Linda Star Wolf. I think you might really enjoy it. Much of what you have been saying is depicted similarly in this book. Just a thought.

Thank you for the tip-off, brother!

[Brittany]

sister, actually. but you're welcome.

[Ankh]

sister, actually. but you're welcome.

My apologies!

[Meerie]

Meerie - what do you feel about Magic? Not this new Wiccan magic, that magic I don't know about and therefore don't want to speak of, but some kind of "old" magic, which I prefer to call practicing the mighty power/Force/energy, the "knowledge" of how it works? Don't know if it has something to do with Egypt but it feels like there were this knowledge, a long time gone now, about powerful formulas/rituals/ceremonies, and that we used it... Vivid fantasy again, sister...?

now your question just sent shivers down my spine sister!!! wow there seems so much synchronicity... you know yesterday I was at the Egyptian museum, and they had an extra part of the exposition devoted to magical practice in old Egypt. Yes I feel strongly about magic. Definitely! I sometimes make up my own rituals, based on astrological influences and it feels good and usually I get something out of it. It feels kind of related to wicca though, since wicca encourages you to create your own magic. I am not great at following, I prefer to trust my own intuition.
I wish you a magical day, sister!!!!

[Ankh]

now your question just sent shivers down my spine sister!!! wow there seems so much synchronicity... you know yesterday I was at the Egyptian museum, and they had an extra part of the exposition devoted to magical practice in old Egypt. Yes I feel strongly about magic. Definitely! I sometimes make up my own rituals, based on astrological influences and it feels good and usually I get something out of it. It feels kind of related to wicca though, since wicca encourages you to create your own magic. I am not great at following, I prefer to trust my own intuition.
I wish you a magical day, sister!!!!

That's what I always felt as well! That words, rituals and symbols are in them selves powerless, it is what a consciousness put into them that makes them "alive", gives them power. It is strength of a conscious conviction that can make mighty Force in motion, everything else, such as formulas, words and attributes the consciousness uses are just physical aid to make physical manifestation of metaphysical thought...
Have a magical day as well, sister!

[Ankh]

Now it is time for me to share my story. I didn't think it to be important. But it is.

Today I was posting a thank you note to Carla, Jim and Don due to the 30th anniversary of the Ra contact and suddenly I started to cry. "Whaaat?" I thought. Then I realized that while I was typing my heart opened up spontaneously and I wrote it from the heart.

I have serious orange ray issues and almost none green ray activity. But let me begin where it all started.

I was probably born awake. Among other things I remember from my childhood I could see a transparent curtain (=veil?) and blue iridescent balls (=energy, Force?) behind it lined up waiting to serve. I probably could apply Law of Attraction and that's how I got my first bicycle. And I think I remember that I thanked the Creator when I got it. I was ebullient with joy, merging with sun and sky, rain and mud, earth and life. There are no words for those experiencies.

Then my life took dramatic change when I was 7 and went in opposite direction. I went to sleep in order to survive. There are no words to describe the intense suffer, pain and emptiness that followed after that. I wanted to end my life many many times, but there was always something (someone?) in last minutes that interfered.

At age 16-17 I started to seek. I remember among other things how I and my best friend (also hurted tremendously) was runing at nights in the dark fields in country side of Sweden screaming to the stars "Please take us home now! We don't want to be here anymore!". The answer was – silence. Life didn't change. The emptiness was there. And suffer. And pain. Some days it was less intense, and some days were insufferable.

I started to take drugs to survive. I know what people in general say about taking drugs, but I have strong perception that if it weren't for them I wouldn't survive. It was insufferable with this silence, but when I took drugs I didn't care anymore. The suffer and pain was replaced by euphoria. It didn't last longer though. I had three Spirits or whoever they are, that didn't allow me to go too far. I got cought and so did the rest of the group that was doing drugs for much longer than me. But it was always like that. As soon as I did something bad and illegal I got cought. These Three I saw in a meditation about two months ago. They were just pure light. But I was not allowed near them. The message was clear – I was not ready yet.

At age 18 I finally moved from my mother to capital of Sweden where I could be anonymous in the crowd. I was seeking on and off, but couldn't find the satisfaction that could encompass all that was inside me. Magic? Oh yeah! I was familiar with magic before age of 7, so I knew magic! Reincarnation? Oooh yeah! It was one of the building blocks inside me! I remebered one past life before age of seven. Spirituality? Offcourse my horse! And so on and so on. But nothing could give me the whole picture. I believed each and one of these disciplines to be true, but they were fractions, just lonely parts, of the completeness. And I was too young and broken inside to bring them all together to One. So I kept feeling like these fractions, as a lonely part, cut off the completeness.

I didn't live with my mother anymore and that direct horror, but I didn't function either. And there was something inside me. The light that is so beautiful that it hurted me because it was completly opposite to my everyday life. I remember my mother's face all twisted in rage and hate and I didn't understand it. It was confusing. Then she fired away one of her many many really hard slaps and screamed that if I looked at her one more time like that she would kill me. So I needed to stop feeling, stop looking and stop loving. But it was there. That part couldn't be killed. It is there forever. It was the Sacredness that is in all, a part that is Creator. And it is infinite.

Many years later I couldn't bear that beautiful soul inside myself anymore in that cold and empty self and started to write a novel about it. It was very easy once I started it. I have been writing a lot of "books" in my life, but I haven't finish any of them. This book I called the last one. The most important one. If I didn't finish it I would never continue again. Because it was no point in starting to write and never finish anything.

But I did finish it! Oh yes I did, and it was in 200 pages! I named it and printed it. So while I was taking couple of weeks off the editing, I came across Ra material. During first days I felt nausea and love. Love that I only felt during some parts writing my book. Something started to wake up. And then I came across this word – Wanderer. At first nothing happened. I had no desire what so ever to serve. I continued to read on and off, then I took a glimpse on L/L Research's website and came across desciption of a Wanderers and the online edition of the Wanderer's Handbook. It broked me down for 2-3 weeks.

At age 33 I cried and cried and cried and cried... I realized that all that inside myself was not high hopes and sweet dreams. That it was real. The only difference is that I call them "Guardians" in my book, but everything was there. And you see, it needed to be that way, because if I haven't finished my book first, no way that it would pass through my ego. I needed to print it for myself first and then find LOO. It was tears of joy and gratitude. It was tears of relief and liberation.

Through Law of One I was given tools to master the art of living. The hardest part is how to practice this beautiful theory. Knowing is only the first step. The second one is applying. Besides that LOO and L/L Research confirmed me, gave me hope and light, they brought love issue back in my life. When it happened it was like the Creator descended to Earth and smiled to ME!! Humility that I felt is just a trifling word.

Anyway, I had 11 dramatic years, from age 7 til 18. I was among other things raised with REALLY negative, STS methods. Now I don't remember where I read about this phenomena that happens when green ray entity comes under the controll of yellow ray entity, if it was in Ra material or Quo, but I think it is stated somewhere that when it happens the green ray entity go back to orange ray level. And weeeell, I don't have to tell you that I have REALLY serious orange ray issues. Low self-esteem is just a beginning of it! I have been working a lot with this ray. In doing this a lot of other centers opened up. Red, yellow, blue, indigo and violet. But not green.

About two weeks ago I had a dream. I was in a big metaphysical spacestation located somewhere near the Earth. It was very familiar there and I belonged there. It was like a school with a lot of entities inside. It was "my" school. There are teachers there (but not in Earth kind authority fashion) and I was pleased to do whatever I wanted there. Then one teacher showed up and groups of "students" gathered around him. I was also a "student" but chose to not to participate. So when others harried to him and I went the other way, in that moment I stoped, amazed by my behaivor and asked very consciously: "Why do I always do that?". And then there was a deep voice that surrounded and pierced me. This voice was accepting, loving and understanding, filled with wisdom and consolation – "Because you need to heal first". Next second I woke up and felt that I understood it all. I still do.

I have a lot of spirituality. I know a lot of things. LOO confirmed what I wrote in my book and gave me many words that I couldn't get right for many concepts. LOO gave me tools to apply it in this art of living. I have a lot of wisdom (well, as far as I think, doesn't mean that it is actually true) :p. I can contact angels, spirits, and Higher Powers. I can contact the One and my Higher Self. Why am I writing it? Because I can't live. My heart broke 26 years ago and I can't find the way back to it. And since it is all about love I have serious problems.

It is a struggle for each and one of us. We all have some issues, conscious or unconsious. And sometimes I wonder what would have happen if my mother didn't provide me with this great sacrifice and gave this catalyst. Would I have fall asleep and grown up to a normal person? Because allready then I understood that grown ups didn't see or feel what I saw and felt. And sometimes I feel sorrow for loosing that child I once was, embracing and living every moment filled with love, compassion and indescribable joy.

Today I know that I need to learn to love, and live by the heart despite all that horror and hate, I need to learn to once again open it up and love... Love – such a easy word, but my heart got broken and has been closed for 26 years now... Today I am surrounded by a lot of love. Everybody loves me, even my mother. But I can't feel it. I understand it and I "love" them back. I know what to do and how to act. I know the right words, I am good with words, but I don't feel . It is empty and cold. I am living with my head and lately with my Sacredness (Higher Self?), but green ray is dark as the night.

//I hope to see you all after the Harvest, if not – send me some love cause I'm gonna need it. Thank you for reading.

[jivatman]

Ankh, interestingly enough my situation is remarkably similar to this,

I had an extremely happy childhood, with a great sense of joy and love. At the age of 7 I developed a medical condition for which I got the only solution is circumcision. ( Note that 7 is the age of the first hard Saturn aspect)

After that I changed entirely, and have had really, a quite difficult life. Not outwardly, my schoolwork was certainly not hard and I didn't have to work, I got bullied but not much more than others.

I, as you, developed very serious orange ray issues having to do with basic acceptance of self. I never really properly developed yellow-ray socially, always being a sort of outcast amongst my friends.

My first spiritual pursuit was astrology and through it, I basically became aware of the Law of One. I voraciously studied religion and spirituality due to a deep (then unconscious) desire to heal and return to that previous state.

It has only been recently have I really realized it was my heart center that was the problem.

I have begun doing two things that seem to be working in healing it:

1. Focus on the heart center, both in meditation and not. Previously I focused on third eye, which allows higher spiritual states, but the third eye cannot re-balanced the heart, furthermore, green ray seems to be the ray which can most easily and readily heal the lower chakra problems.

2. Guard, and change your thought process. Any time you see yourself being judgmental, replace it with love.

A good example of this is commercials. Due to the obvious fact that commercials try to manipulate you, there is a tendency to become cynical about the happy people in them. I have felt it's helpful to simply try to identify them and feel their joy, it's easy enough to ignore the commercial message if you need to.

[Ankh]

Hello brother!

Thank you for sharing.

Note that 7 is the age of the first hard Saturn aspect

What's that?

I never really properly developed yellow-ray socially, always being a sort of outcast amongst my friends.

I always seem to have friends, but I am not genuine in the realtionships, which is pretty obvious due the orange ray issues. I am not comfortable with people and feel always poor self-esteem in the groups. But since I am good in words and can "read" most of them I know what to say and not say, but as I said it is not geniune.

I have begun doing two things that seem to be working in healing it:

1. Focus on the heart center, both in meditation and not. Previously I focused on third eye, which allows higher spiritual states, but the third eye cannot re-balanced the heart, furthermore, green ray seems to be the ray which can most easily and readily heal the lower chakra problems.

I just started doing that. It is however sometimes a bit frustrating. It is a great pressure and a lot of visions which are the signs of big blockage. No surprise there though.

2. Guard, and change your thought process. Any time you see yourself being judgmental, replace it with love.

A good example of this is commercials. Due to the obvious fact that commercials try to manipulate you, there is a tendency to become cynical about the happy people in them. I have felt it's helpful to simply try to identify them and feel their joy, it's easy enough to ignore the commercial message if you need to.

Don't watch the TV but I see your point, brother! I guess that is what I need to do now, even if "love" often doesn't come naturally from my heart. It feels like I force myself to "feel" and that is fake. But hey, I guess it's no more fake than the lie I've been living til now.

[Ankh]

I, as you, developed very serious orange ray issues having to do with basic acceptance of self. I never really properly developed yellow-ray socially, always being a sort of outcast amongst my friends.

Hello again brother,

I've just came across material in LOO that might talk about the reason why positive oriented Wanderers need experience from negative oriented space/time. Qoute: "Secondly, when a positively oriented entity incarnates in a thoroughly negative environment it must needs learn/teach the lessons of the love of self thus becoming one with its other-selves". It is in session 69. If you will read it get back to me if you are interested.

[zenmaster]

Qoute: "Secondly, when a positively oriented entity incarnates in a thoroughly negative environment it must needs learn/teach the lessons of the love of self thus becoming one with its other-selves". It is in session 69. If you will read it get back to me if you are interested.

I thought the incarnation (of a positive entity) in a thoroughly negative environment was due to a 'trick' or exploitation of a distortion by a negative entity. The earth is not such a negative environment.

BTW, have you ever been in a predominately yellow-ray social setting, activated or opened green-ray, and felt/noticed the new reaction? I think it's proof that there is an 'upward striving' - that many people are unconsciously seeking that type of energy.

[jivatman]

@ ankh

It's called the Saturn cycle and it is by far the most well known of astrological cycles. Saturn aspects are generally seen as painful.

At the age of 7, Saturn first forms a hard aspect to the Saturn in the natal chart, a square.

At 14 it forms an opposition,

At age 21 it forms square again,

Age 30 is perhaps best known, it is called the "Saturn Return" because it forms returns and forms a conjunction with the birth chart Saturn.

(Conjunction, Opposition, Square are the major "hard" aspects)

Conjunctions are the most powerful aspect because it is the simplest relationship, 1 followed by opposition, 2.
However, Squares are generally seen as the most difficult, followed by opposition.

Saturn returns have actually crept somewhat into popular culture:
The hit song "The Grudge" by tool is about it
REM has a song called "Saturn Return"
Also references by Goldie, No Doubt, ect.

Look on the Wikipedia page of "Saturn Return" for more.

[Ankh]

@ ankh

It's called the Saturn cycle and it is by far the most well known of astrological cycles. Saturn aspects are generally seen as painful.

Don't understand much of it, but that's the beauty of our individual paths back to the Creator. After this life I will "plug into" you and learn what you've been doing this lifetime, brother! Keep on that work!

@ zenmaster - I see Earth as both, even nowdays. It still provides tools of both negativity and positivity to entities because Harvest is not complete yet. Green ray is the densitity of love, whether it is love of the self or others. In the last "days" of 6D it will be equally balanced, the polarity need to find other polarity and waves need to be stilled.

By the way, have you ever been in a predominately yellow-ray social setting, activated or opened green-ray, and felt/noticed the new reaction? I think it's proof that there is an 'upward striving' - that many people are unconsciously seeking that type of energy.

Yes I've done this once when I've been asked. After that I was completely deplete for about 2 days. But thanks for reminding me, brother. I need definitely practice this more. Good for my path. Oh yeah, I need to practice love for the self also. Suggestions, someone?

---

furthermore, green ray seems to be the ray which can most easily and readily heal the lower chakra problems.

I've been thinking about that a lot. Are you sure about that, brother?

[Eddie]

Ankh, if you have not listened to episode #52 of the podcasts at the Sons of the Law of One page, please consider doing so. I believe that you will find some answers there.

You can download it here, as a .mp3 file:

Episode 52 - The Councile of Nine

[Namaste]

Love and light to you brother. I'm going to offer some learned wisdom, and of course, I understand that words are much easier than action. I hope some of them can help, even if slightly.

You are love, and you are light. Darkness is a choice that one makes. Darkness cannot exist without it being chosen. You can choose the light whenever you wish to. Think of the Yin/Yang; in the dark, there is the spot of light one can move towards, no matter how small it may appear.

Be patient with yourself, and love yourself for being human. Love yourself for the experiences and wisdom you have gained over this incarnation so far. Love yourself for breaking free and finding yourself. Love yourself for being on a journey.

Most importantly, love yourself for being a being of infinite worth; you are the Creator.

Remember also that there is only the eternal now. The past and future do not exist. As soon as they pass they are irrelevant. They are only made relevant by one continually focusing on them. Let them go. let go.

You can choose, right now, to live in the moment, and search for love in the moment. Choosing, and trying your hardest, to find it in the moment is the greatest action you can ever offer.

Namasté, beautiful soul.