03-17-2012, 09:58 PM
Greetings
I would have liked to make an appearance on a lighter note, but I seem to have awoken in a bit of a rut and I'm not sure how to get out of it.
I'm a bit of a loner, never been too sociable. Had one relationship that was about 6(?) years ago that sent me off on a depressive self-destructive path once I realised what I'd thrown away. I then kept myself distracted with material things until I started smoking cannabis whenever I wasn't at work. It takes me back to when I was calm, accepting and not worrying about everything. I then smoked it heavily to cloud the depression, but I know my situation won't get any better if I just sit around getting baked so its a rarity now.
My 'awakening' began when I started smoking, it was nothing like the mainstream had made it out. Then it got me thinking, I prefer being baked to being drunk - no depressive thoughts, no violent thoughts and no hangover. Why is this illegal?! I found 'The Emperor Wears No Clothes' by Jack Herer online, which started to hammer home the idea of the mainstream being about profit, hemp is a threat to many industries. By this time I was becoming more open to conspiracies, though I felt like I wanted something that wasnt so negative to jump out at me. When browsing an imageboard about 2012, someone had replied in such a different way of thinking and had linked to the Ra material, I just had to find out what it was!
When I started reading about LOO and meditation I started getting down because I've been so un-loving of my body, I'm unfit, have a bad back and knees from a motorbike crash (not long after the breakup), ruined teeth, always had a sunken chest and the one that really puts me down, a physical problem with my red chakra. I would love to just 'get it fixed' but I am seriously squeamish, I cant think about medical procedures or I will faint. From what I read, to balance the chakra's one must start on the root and I don't know if meditating would relieve a physical problem :-/
I've thought about leaving this incarnation prematurely a few times, I had to take a day off work a few weeks ago because I'd been up all night seriously considering it. I went to go for a drive on that day off, still in a bad mood. Of all the people who could have driven by and made eye contact with at the end of my road it was my ex I love a coincedence but that was weird.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you have any idea how I can move forward I would be glad to hear it.
I would have liked to make an appearance on a lighter note, but I seem to have awoken in a bit of a rut and I'm not sure how to get out of it.
I'm a bit of a loner, never been too sociable. Had one relationship that was about 6(?) years ago that sent me off on a depressive self-destructive path once I realised what I'd thrown away. I then kept myself distracted with material things until I started smoking cannabis whenever I wasn't at work. It takes me back to when I was calm, accepting and not worrying about everything. I then smoked it heavily to cloud the depression, but I know my situation won't get any better if I just sit around getting baked so its a rarity now.
My 'awakening' began when I started smoking, it was nothing like the mainstream had made it out. Then it got me thinking, I prefer being baked to being drunk - no depressive thoughts, no violent thoughts and no hangover. Why is this illegal?! I found 'The Emperor Wears No Clothes' by Jack Herer online, which started to hammer home the idea of the mainstream being about profit, hemp is a threat to many industries. By this time I was becoming more open to conspiracies, though I felt like I wanted something that wasnt so negative to jump out at me. When browsing an imageboard about 2012, someone had replied in such a different way of thinking and had linked to the Ra material, I just had to find out what it was!
When I started reading about LOO and meditation I started getting down because I've been so un-loving of my body, I'm unfit, have a bad back and knees from a motorbike crash (not long after the breakup), ruined teeth, always had a sunken chest and the one that really puts me down, a physical problem with my red chakra. I would love to just 'get it fixed' but I am seriously squeamish, I cant think about medical procedures or I will faint. From what I read, to balance the chakra's one must start on the root and I don't know if meditating would relieve a physical problem :-/
I've thought about leaving this incarnation prematurely a few times, I had to take a day off work a few weeks ago because I'd been up all night seriously considering it. I went to go for a drive on that day off, still in a bad mood. Of all the people who could have driven by and made eye contact with at the end of my road it was my ex I love a coincedence but that was weird.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you have any idea how I can move forward I would be glad to hear it.