I was reading through the Wanderer's Handbook and it all resonates with me. However, this question has appeared. What if our experience of feeling different and all that is suggested in the handbook is just pride and ego, or a way to try and justify why we feel bad in some way? Is saying we're a Wanderer true because the majority of the population doesn't feel as we do, or is it a way to feel special? I don't feel special - I feel inadequate to cope a lot of the time. I see other people who are "seemingly" happy or content most of the time and are doing well with friends, their jobs, and money. They socialize and take vacations. They manage to live in a way that I don't and I see myself as really capable. I've had periods of doing relatively well, for me, and I manage to pay my rent and feed myself, but I can't seem to get ahead to start another business or get a significant financial cushion. I just got ahead by a few hundred and it just went into car repairs. Don't get me wrong I AM grateful I could take care of this car repair, but that feels a little too much on the edge for comfort most of the time. There are lots of needs that I don't have money for at this time and I do what I can. I don't want to borrow money or go into debt.
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02-12-2014, 09:46 PM
(02-12-2014, 08:01 PM)KMcNay Wrote: I see other people who are "seemingly" happy or content most of the time and are doing well with friends, their jobs, and money. They socialize and take vacations. They manage to live in a way that I don't and I see myself as really capable. I've found very few people I've met are truly content or happy. They instead are very good at automatically suppressing and controlling the thoughts in their conscious mind. You often see this suppression mechanism undone if you spend a lot of time with each other (hence the common theme of getting on each other's nerves if you spend a lot of time with even a good friend in a living situation).You also see this suppression mechanism unravel when people have triggers. That is, when some subject is mentioned, it generates a disproportionately emotional response from the individual for which it is a trigger. You can also see this when people use alcohol or other things to take their mind off of things, with the intent to take the mind off thinking something permanently. Don't get me wrong. We all have some level of suppression going on because with a conscious/subconscious mind split and the way we are raised from birth it's soo easy to do this. God knows I have a few triggers. But I've noticed that underneath the surface, many people are not as happy as they consciously think, and they don't even realize this, as they lie to themselves and suppress their own thoughts. If it is true there are wanderers that are here to evolve, then it would make sense for wanderers to have a bias toward processing emotions, catalysts, and thoughts as one learns more by processing catalyst than suppressing it.
02-12-2014, 10:00 PM
Hiya K.M.,
yeah, the whole Wanderer mythos is definitely worth examining with a closer lens. for some people, it can definitely be used as an identity prop, somehow to justify their own deficiencies or self-perceived shortcomings. I remember when I came across similiar Wanderer themes in my exploration of new age circles; there it was called Lightworker or Starseed. Someone come to save this planet in other words, a sort of superhero. And yet, I really didn't vibe with how those particular expressions were presented. I can remember, though, so vividly when I first came across the first clear articulation of the Wanderer. It was in the biography of David Wilcock - the Reincarnation of Edgar Cayce - and it just shocked me to the core. It was a piece of identity, so clearly articulated and that summed up my feelings and expressions so well. I had gone through so much astrology and psychology in trying to figure out who I was, and yet these short few paragraphs distilled the essence of who I knew I was. there were just tears of acceptance and understanding in reading those words. so for me, it was an instantaneous recognition of truth and validity. - - of course, when it comes to these identity type issues and questions, one can see how well integrated those concepts are in an individual. is it just a given that this is who I am? or do I need to convince others that I am this or that? does someone like Miguel Cabrera need to brag about how good a baseball player he is, or does he just let his work do the talking for him? - - as to the question of feeling special, I don't think we are. Everyone is unique, and everyone brings their gifts and perspectives to the table. as for just getting by in life, welcome to the club brother! (02-12-2014, 10:00 PM)Bring4th_Plenum Wrote: as for just getting by in life, welcome to the club brother! I had quite a hit yesterday ... job description change, loss of some things I like to do. I'm going from working independently to working under a manager in a department who is not that wonderful. I literally feel this knot in the pit of my stomach and I feel sick. I'm having difficulty getting balanced. It's involved, but needless to say, I'm a tad angry and feeling tired. I keep trying to get into another position, but its easier for the manager if I don't. I have to be the happy camper and play the game, but it's not a great paying job. I know I'm not powerless, but it's exhausting to always take the high road and play on the earth game board!ImI'm trying to dissipate the negative energy and go with the flow to see what happens, but I'm not being successful at it yet.[/quote]
02-13-2014, 09:26 AM
A lot of that metaphysical ego tripping wouldn't surround identification with the wanderer image if people realized that a wanderer simply incarnating does not lighten planetary vibrations lol
02-13-2014, 09:34 AM
Ra said "the catalyst is intense upon your plane" and I think that's especially true where money issues are concerned. Survival needs get mixed up with personal identity and social role and it's just really hard, sometimes, to stay open in green and blue rays.
I wish you the best of luck! If it were me, I might try meditating on love for the troublesome manager. Sometimes I've been able to achieve a great rush of healing energy for difficult people and situations that ended up transforming the situations and my role in them. It's not easy and it doesn't always work, but sometimes it does!
02-13-2014, 11:01 AM
I can definitely see how the statements about wanderers can foster ego and pride. Gotta love this depiction: "So there are several million people in the world that have nothing to do with this world as far as learning anything from it that they haven't already acquired. They either passed through many lives on the Earth planet itself, or they learned the same lesson on another world similar to our Earth. At any rate, they are far ahead of the average Earth man or woman."
(02-13-2014, 09:34 AM)βαθμιαίος Wrote: Ra said "the catalyst is intense upon your plane" and I think that's especially true where money issues are concerned. Survival needs get mixed up with personal identity and social role and it's just really hard, sometimes, to stay open in green and blue rays. It just seems, to me anyway, that if I've done this course before that I should be doing better at it this time around. And perhaps, in perspective I am in many other ways. LOL Still, it stings sometimes. I'll try the L/L to all parties concerned. Thanks. (02-13-2014, 09:34 AM)βαθμιαίος Wrote: Ra said "the catalyst is intense upon your plane" and I think that's especially true where money issues are concerned. Survival needs get mixed up with personal identity and social role and it's just really hard, sometimes, to stay open in green and blue rays. It just seems, to me anyway, that if I've done this course before that I should be doing better at it this time around. And perhaps, in perspective I am in many other ways. LOL Still, it stings sometimes. I'll try the L/L to all parties concerned. Thanks. So, with you're help I guess I'm getting to the answer. I am resisting the way things operate on the 3D plane and that resistance causes pain. So, I guess in addition to sending love, I should also work with acceptance and understanding. Ask "how" and not "why". I can't isolate from everything and still pay the bills. I'm very grateful I have a job and I'm even more grateful that I found everyone here struggling wtih the same things. :-)
02-13-2014, 04:50 PM
(02-13-2014, 11:25 AM)KMcNay Wrote: So, with you're help I guess I'm getting to the answer. I am resisting the way things operate on the 3D plane and that resistance causes pain. So, I guess in addition to sending love, I should also work with acceptance and understanding. Ask "how" and not "why". I can't isolate from everything and still pay the bills. I'm very grateful I have a job and I'm even more grateful that I found everyone here struggling wtih the same things. :-) Sounds like a good plan/attitude. Good luck and keep us posted!
02-14-2014, 05:25 PM
Say a 6D entity decides to pop down into this 3D existence. S/He of course knows better than even to want to be a god among men, as that would be hugely disruptive.
So this entity would Wander here to be a low-key light in the shade of 3D life, offering some assistance to fellow selves and being an example of right living. This person might, to prevent a kind of arrogance (not the best term) from manifesting, self-load some limits in the 3D life such as poverty, ADD, schiz, bipolar etc. Does that resonate? Perhaps you are that kind of Wanderer, but even if you are not a Wanderer at all, why not pretend that you are one and dedicate yourself to being a Wanderer-Equivalent? Look upon other-selves as objects of compassion, respect and fellowship and see how far that takes you? Accept the help of others who know of your predicament(s) and play your hand.
02-14-2014, 07:01 PM
Ra says wanderers have severe handicaps. Not sure which may be planned though, because some are due to difference in native vibration and local vibration. So that difficulty may just add to confusion and stifle progress rather than to help focus on work.
"Due to the extreme variance between the vibratory distortions of third density and those of the more dense densities, if you will, Wanderers have as a general rule some form of handicap, difficulty, or feeling of alienation which is severe. The most common of these difficulties are alienation, the reaction against the planetary vibration by personality disorders, as you would call them, and body complex ailments indicating difficulty in adjustment to the planetary vibrations such as allergies, as you would call them."
02-14-2014, 07:10 PM
I for one feel the alienation. I don't really resonate strongly with anyone I've met. Not in a loving way. perhaps that's something to work on.
(02-14-2014, 05:25 PM)kycahi Wrote: Does that resonate? Perhaps you are that kind of Wanderer, but even if you are not a Wanderer at all, why not pretend that you are one and dedicate yourself to being a Wanderer-Equivalent? Look upon other-selves as objects of compassion, respect and fellowship and see how far that takes you? Accept the help of others who know of your predicament(s) and play your hand. Can anyone diagnose their own personality disorder? LOL I think you're probably right about just walking the walk and talking the talk, etc. I have to keep a tight rein on anger when I feel my livelihood is threatened in some way or my manage is just paying lip service and not giving me the assistance to change jobs/cross train or whatever that he is giving others. I try to keep myself in situations where I can't be micro-managed and where I work independently. This is what's changed and I feel disregarded and cornered. This situation came out of the blue. I feel bad that I can't seem to play the game and just keep a sunshine attitude when I don't feel like that inside, although other people manage to get away with that. I feel like a failure that I can't just protect love and light to the situation and walk in faith. I am a wanderer, but I still like if I've done this before that it should easier this time around. (02-14-2014, 11:11 PM)KMcNay Wrote:(02-14-2014, 05:25 PM)kycahi Wrote: Does that resonate? Perhaps you are that kind of Wanderer, but even if you are not a Wanderer at all, why not pretend that you are one and dedicate yourself to being a Wanderer-Equivalent? Look upon other-selves as objects of compassion, respect and fellowship and see how far that takes you? Accept the help of others who know of your predicament(s) and play your hand. (02-14-2014, 07:10 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: I for one feel the alienation. I don't really resonate strongly with anyone I've met. Not in a loving way. perhaps that's something to work on. Have you tried finding new places to hang out? I find I'm more in sync with some groups of people or environments than others.
02-15-2014, 12:43 PM
02-15-2014, 01:21 PM
(02-15-2014, 12:43 PM)zenmaster Wrote:(02-14-2014, 11:11 PM)KMcNay Wrote: Can anyone diagnose their own personality disorder?You are kidding right? What is a personality disorder? A 'person' is a state of amnesic disorder. It's like "What is wrong with my mask"? Well, it's the mask that you're wearing. That's the problem.
02-15-2014, 01:41 PM
A personality disorder is a recognized imbalance, usually emotional in nature. We tend to follow patterns of mind which of course are free to express pathological attributes.
02-15-2014, 02:08 PM
02-15-2014, 02:18 PM
(02-15-2014, 02:08 PM)Ashim Wrote:What's a grounding issue? An appeal to infinities is typically the unconscious suggestion provided by new time/space awareness (both the relative and the absolute are provided with another context) - it's a form of insight which is revelatory and so may carry a lot of weight.(02-15-2014, 01:41 PM)zenmaster Wrote: A personality disorder is a recognized imbalance, usually emotional in nature. We tend to follow patterns of mind which of course are free to express pathological attributes. (02-15-2014, 12:43 PM)zenmaster Wrote:(02-14-2014, 11:11 PM)KMcNay Wrote: Can anyone diagnose their own personality disorder?You are kidding right? lol@ are you kidding No, you cannot diagnose your own personality disorder... even if you have qualifications to diagnose psychological/psychiatric disorders you won't be able to diagnose yourself. We can understand our personality traits tho. (02-15-2014, 01:21 PM)Ashim Wrote:(02-15-2014, 12:43 PM)zenmaster Wrote:(02-14-2014, 11:11 PM)KMcNay Wrote: Can anyone diagnose their own personality disorder?You are kidding right? As we go through childhood to adulthood, we may experience challenging catalysts. Some are severe enough to disrupt the normal developmental process of the person. The child may begin to think of self & the world in certain ways- experience begins to shape certain templates on how the person is & the world 'should be' and that's where these 'dysfunctions' begin. The relationship between self & others is also a major part of the template. Often times these relational templates are also very challenging in that they tend to create friction and conflict between person & others. Yeah, so this happens with everyone. The difference between those who have diagnosable personality disorders and who don't is the level of distress and disability one experiences in one's life. Some don't need diagnoses so they may not subscribe to the whole notion of 'personality disorders' and some need that label for one reason or another.
02-16-2014, 07:34 PM
(02-16-2014, 05:00 PM)rie Wrote:Entirely depends on the nature of the disorder and one's particular circumstances. For example, things like hypochondria or inflicting self harm may be self-recognizable patterns.(02-15-2014, 12:43 PM)zenmaster Wrote:(02-14-2014, 11:11 PM)KMcNay Wrote: Can anyone diagnose their own personality disorder?You are kidding right?
02-17-2014, 03:02 AM
Not that simple tho.
02-20-2014, 05:57 PM
I match the profile of a wanderer very closely, and I have had a few recent experiences that lend support to the idea that I am one. Something deep inside me confirms that this is the case, and yet, there is always lingering doubt. This doubt is worth addressing because I only want the truth; I don't want to trick myself into believing something that is not real just because it's something I want to believe.
So I have started doing mental exercises in which I tell myself that it is not desirable to be a wanderer, and that being a third-density Earth native would be a preferable state of being. Where is the pride and ego in believing that you are something that is not desirable? Beyond the obvious fact that all is one and that we are all experiencing fragments of the same consciousness at varying stages of development, consider, also, that every single human on planet Earth is already existing simultaneously with their 6th density higher selves. Wanderers are not above anyone -- they have simply made a choice that anyone is free to make. You could argue that in their present physical incarnations, wanderers are still more spiritually developed than the present third-density incarnations of non-wanderers. I believe that this mental roadblock must be addressed in order to remove pride and ego from the equation and address the real underlying question of "am I a wanderer?" as honestly as possible, if only for ourselves. Here is an analogy that has helped me wrestle with this topic: Imagine that, if you are a wanderer, you are simply the teacher in a classroom full of young elementary school students. The knee-jerk reaction to hearing this scenario matches how we might typically imagine a wanderer -- someone of higher knowledge, higher experience, higher intelligence, with a level of understanding about the world that the young students lack. But think more realistically about the teachers that you've actually had in classrooms throughout your life. Were they all wise, knowledgeable and smarter than all of their students? No, of course not. I've had awful teachers growing up, who taught wrong information and were not necessarily any smarter than their students, many of whom would grow up to pursue completely different career paths beyond the intellectual reach of that specific teacher. Rather, the elementary school teachers I had were teachers because they CHOSE to be teachers, not because they were necessarily qualified to be teachers. The same is true of wanderers. We may be "older" in the spiritual sense, just as a teacher is older than his or her students. But is a teacher any better than a child in the classroom? No, of course not. They are merely at different stages in development, and the teacher has made the decision to become a teacher -- a decision that is not yet available to any student in the classroom, yet also a decision that will later be made available to EVERY student in the classroom.
02-20-2014, 07:58 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-20-2014, 07:59 PM by AnthroHeart.)
I don't travel much, so hanging out in new places isn't really something I resonate with. I'm one who likes to stay at home.
Greg, I like how you compare a wanderer to a teacher. I'm not normally one to be a teacher. But if it were up to teaching others in order to be a wanderer, I'd go for that. Pretty much my biggest dream is to be a real, true wanderer. Even more than being an anthro, is to be a wanderer. I'd love to be of 6D. But 5D is fun too. I think 5D can be more fun, because you're an individual in that density, whereas 6D is a social density. Plus in 6D fun probably falls away as a distortion.
02-20-2014, 11:15 PM
(02-20-2014, 05:57 PM)Greg Wrote: So I have started doing mental exercises in which I tell myself that it is not desirable to be a wanderer, and that being a third-density Earth native would be a preferable state of being. Where is the pride and ego in believing that you are something that is not desirable? IMO if you are going to do that to try to determine if you are a wanderer, I would suggest you try to do it from a neutral point rather than seeing 3rd density as a preferable "background". I would also suggest that it may be extremely difficult to determine if you are a wanderer. It took me years to come to a satisfactory answer for myself.
02-21-2014, 01:20 AM
(02-20-2014, 11:15 PM)Parsons Wrote: IMO if you are going to do that to try to determine if you are a wanderer, I would suggest you try to do it from a neutral point rather than seeing 3rd density as a preferable "background". Yes, I certainly agree that it is neutral either way. I'm just saying that if I believe myself to be a wanderer, I want to be sure that I'm not forming this belief merely because I want to. So I try to correct for this potential bias and see how it feels. I'm ultimately just trying to explore all the little nooks and crannies of my subconscious, trying out new perspectives as if trying on a pair of shoes. For example, I might try meditating on the perspective of an Earth native, and ask myself, does this feel right? Labeling myself as a wanderer certainly seems to "fit" on some level, but is there another perspective that fits just as well? If so, what is it, and why would it seem to fit? I just don't want my brain to take the lazy way out by saying, "Earth is full of evil people and third density lacks wisdom; therefore, I place myself above this planet and above this density." Rather, I want to make sure that I'm fully appreciating planet Earth, the love of its people, and the bittersweet beauty of the struggle that is third density before I conclude that it is nonetheless not my home. I'm reminded of this quote from Q'uo in A Wanderer's Handbook: "When the term, wanderer, is used, the basic meaning of this word is of one who is traveling without reference to a specific goal or destination. There is, implicit in this term, a feeling or an emotional/mental mindset of aloneness, restlessness, shared solitude and indifferent scenery. The winds blow cold and harshly for the wanderer. The sun beats down mercilessly. Few there are who use that term who feel that it is desirable to be a wandering spirit." When I first read that paragraph, it hit me like a brick. I felt a tinge of sadness, and yet, a strange comfort, as if being reminded of what I had undertaken. All I'm really saying here is that there is absolutely no superiority in being a wanderer, and if believing yourself to be a wanderer makes you feel superior to those around you, then I would recommend reflection on both the beauty of third-density Earth natives and the less desirable traits associated with being a wandering spirit. Only once you've really internalized both elements can you begin to honestly assess whether you might be a wanderer, free from the distorting influences of pride and ego. Ultimately, though, you're completely right -- it's a neutral either way.
03-17-2014, 10:38 PM
My issue/doubt of being a wanderer isn't really rooted in the prideful boost attained of one's perception of having a "greater purpose", that is a wanderer. I do not care for that really. Whether I am a wanderer or not matters very little, as far as a wanderer's found purpose is concerned. A regular 3D entity who has consciously learnt of oneness can choose to carry-out or uphold a wanderer's duty, even though he/she may not be a wanderer by origin. So, this is not really my issue.
My issue, and perhaps my fear, is that I want there to be, for me, something else after this place. I have never felt comfortable on this planet, eve as a young child, into my teens and adulthood; I always felt strangely different and uncomfortable...out of place even. This society has never really fit me, or maybe I never really fit it and my understanding of the world has always been different from most of my peers, and even those far older in age. But, this does not qualify me to be a wanderer. What I'm getting at is, I've always felt very lonely here, in mind and in person. And a big part of me wishes that there is some place I belong to, a place that fits who I know myself to be; who I am. It is not here on this planet, that, I know. So, if I am a wanderer, I will be very happy to know this without doubt. There is another place I wish to be, away from this all, after my period here has expired. If there is no such place, and I must do this again, I will be truly saddened. There are several reasons why I believe myself to be a wanderer, by origin, but there is still a little doubt, and with it, a little fear. The only way to wholly and truly know, without doubt, that you are a wanderer, is to penetrate the forgetting process, to some degree. I think I briefly penetrated the forgetting process once in my Life, by accident and I couldn't even recall what I managed to remember. All I know is, that I remembered knowing that everything is as it should be, and that everything will be okay and nothing is wrong; everything is "right". I guess, I'll find out for certain after this body's passage.
03-18-2014, 08:30 AM
(03-17-2014, 10:38 PM)sdrawkcab Wrote: I have never felt comfortable on this planet, eve as a young child, into my teens and adulthood; I always felt strangely different and uncomfortable...out of place even. This society has never really fit me, or maybe I never really fit it and my understanding of the world has always been different from most of my peers, and even those far older in age. But, this does not qualify me to be a wanderer. What I'm getting at is, I've always felt very lonely here, in mind and in person. And a big part of me wishes that there is some place I belong to, a place that fits who I know myself to be; who I am. It is not here on this planet, that, I know. So, if I am a wanderer, I will be very happy to know this without doubt. There is another place I wish to be, away from this all, after my period here has expired. If there is no such place, and I must do this again, I will be truly saddened. have you ever had any close friends that you shared an 'affinity' with, and when you were with them, that loneliness went away? the reason that I ask, is that it's my view that even though Wanderers incarnate in scattered groups across the planet, my feeling is that no Wanderer would choose to incarnate alone, and not have any support at all from their home group. if we look at the case of Venus, even though that planet's calling was small, they didn't just send the one Wanderer, but they sent two, a male and female pairing. - - I guess I would totally commiserate with the feelings and sensations you've described, and that was most like my experience of this planet too before I met my best friend at university in first year (although my second run at college). I was 19 at the time, and we've been best buddies since then, for the better part of 17+ years. there is absolutely not a shadow of a doubt that we incarnated to go through this planetary experience together, and even though it wasn't a romantic pairing, it allowed the freedom for each of us to have a guaranteed supportive individual in our lives, despite whatever experiments and wayward adventures we each got ourselves into over the past many years. we are like blue-ray telepathic; we have the same oddball sense of humor that no-one else seems to fully get lol. ChickenInSpace has shared a similiar story with me about his best friend too. - - maybe give it some time sdraw?
03-18-2014, 10:52 AM
I was told by four sources that I am a wanderer from the 5th density. I believed them as I have nearly all the characteristics of a wanderer listed in the Wanderer's Handbook. I then tried helping people knowing that I am a wanderer and trying to raise the vibration of everything around me. That was my big mistake!
Now, I no longer care whether I am a wanderer. I am just an old soul and I do whatever makes me happy. Call me STS if you like. And when I do something that makes me happy, I feel love everywhere, especially in my heart, and that is all that matters to me now.
03-18-2014, 11:07 AM
I've never had the courage to share my spirituality with many people I meet. Only a coworker and my mother. I mention how the planets and stars are alive, and they look at me funny.
So whether I'm a wanderer or not, I guess it doesn't matter. But I feel I am. And that's all that matters.
03-21-2014, 12:10 PM
KMcNay, I think there is a spectrum of “happiness” – certainly others are less happy, others are more happy. But regardless of these outer signs of happiness that cross your attention – e.g. people socializing, smiles, vacations, and possessions – suffering is pervasive and ubiquitous. Few on this planet escape, or are immune to, or have gained freedom from, suffering.
Many people don’t advertise their suffering though. (Nothing wrong with sharing suffering. In fact it is in many cases a healthy, healing thing to do.) But the fact remains that people may be showing you their “happy” sides, they may report on the fun things they did or the good time they had, but believe you me, there is suffering in there. It is built into the fabric of third-density, especially this particular third density. It is a hard place to be for entities of any stripe, wanderer or no. But that’s why you’re called to the path of spirituality. Not because you seek to change your outer life circumstances, per se, (though I’m sure you do, and I hope things improve in that regard!), but because you seek to do something more fundamental: you seek to change your perceptions, you wish to get to the *root cause* of suffering within, and solve it there, at that level. You wish to find that identity, that peace and joy that shine from you no matter what your outer circumstance, whether you are visited by seemingly good fortune or bad. The entire message of spirituality, whether from Ra or other source, is geared toward that empowering vision of realizing who it is you really are. The message of spirituality cannot give you this realization, it can only point out that it is already there, within you. In fact, it is not a thing to be gained, per se, because you are already are that which you seek. You are the truth that you seek. It is you that you seek. And meditation is one of the principle means of becoming consciously aware that you are already everything you need. Stillness and silence disclose to your one-pointed mind that identity within that cannot be enhanced by attaining anything, and cannot be diminished by losing anything. All of life is designed to facilitate your own awakening. See the hardships in this light, see life experience as a catalyst to be *used* as fuel for your growth, and you will process the raw material of life into an empowered understanding of yourself, so that you move from victim to Author of your experience, whatever may or may not happen to you on the surface. Heartfelt wishes of compassion and support to your own particular journey of dropping the illusion of separation. With love/light, GLB (02-12-2014, 08:01 PM)KMcNay Wrote: I was reading through the Wanderer's Handbook and it all resonates with me. However, this question has appeared. What if our experience of feeling different and all that is suggested in the handbook is just pride and ego, or a way to try and justify why we feel bad in some way? Is saying we're a Wanderer true because the majority of the population doesn't feel as we do, or is it a way to feel special? I don't feel special - I feel inadequate to cope a lot of the time. I see other people who are "seemingly" happy or content most of the time and are doing well with friends, their jobs, and money. They socialize and take vacations. They manage to live in a way that I don't and I see myself as really capable. I've had periods of doing relatively well, for me, and I manage to pay my rent and feed myself, but I can't seem to get ahead to start another business or get a significant financial cushion. I just got ahead by a few hundred and it just went into car repairs. Don't get me wrong I AM grateful I could take care of this car repair, but that feels a little too much on the edge for comfort most of the time. There are lots of needs that I don't have money for at this time and I do what I can. I don't want to borrow money or go into debt. Explanation by the tongue makes most things clear, but love unexplained is clearer. - Rumi |
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