(07-01-2012, 01:23 PM)Sagittarius Wrote:

(07-01-2012, 07:18 AM)ShinAr Wrote: Ups and Downs.

Light and dark.

Spirit and Matter.

Live and Die.

This is our existence.

Go with it or sit it out and wait to see what happens next.

The only sure thing is that existence will continue with or without our participation.

But if one is going to take the ride, they better be mentally prepared to accept the downs along with the ups because existence is a roller coaster ride, and it is by the experiences of the hills and the valleys that we evolve into higher understanding and ability.

We all get tired and become frustrated with the continuous struggle. But as many will tell you, it is the pain of the pinch that lets you know you are alive.

The Ancients emphasized the need for balance and alchemy was the greatest practice of achieving that goal.

One can deny duality and polarity, but they cannot deny the need for balancing the ups and the downs because that is the natural landscape of the journey.

Indeed, I feel good now. The fire I experienced was meant to burn me out, I think a part of me died, a bad part of me. I don't think there is much more for me to balance, I feel strangely at peace after that whole night, a calm I have never had before.

Seams like I get new feelings every week. The energy is still there humming, just not a roaring fire consuming me until I burnt out like before.

(07-01-2012, 09:26 PM)jacrob Wrote: I feel like it's an upward spiral, the intense darkness, then elation, then dark again, but not as dark as before, then elation slightly higher than previously. It's a constant drain. The dark times seem to sap every bit of energy left, and when you feel happy and joyfull you just know you're going to feel terrible in a couple of days. But when you feel terrible you feel like it's going to be like that forever.

There is an intense instreaming of energy at the moment. I hear constant loud rushing sounds in my ears, and can't sleep. I slept 2hrs last night. Several people in my office complained of not being able to sleep and were up at 2am playing video games or reading books.

I think it's doing something to the third eye because at night when the lights are off I see swirling indigo patterns in the dark. Very similar to the Norway spiral. When I close my eyes it disappears, I only see them when my eyes are open. Like DMT activation or similar.

(07-02-2012, 03:28 AM)Sagittarius Wrote:

(07-01-2012, 09:26 PM)jacrob Wrote: I feel like it's an upward spiral, the intense darkness, then elation, then dark again, but not as dark as before, then elation slightly higher than previously. It's a constant drain. The dark times seem to sap every bit of energy left, and when you feel happy and joyfull you just know you're going to feel terrible in a couple of days. But when you feel terrible you feel like it's going to be like that forever.

There is an intense instreaming of energy at the moment. I hear constant loud rushing sounds in my ears, and can't sleep. I slept 2hrs last night. Several people in my office complained of not being able to sleep and were up at 2am playing video games or reading books.

I think it's doing something to the third eye because at night when the lights are off I see swirling indigo patterns in the dark. Very similar to the Norway spiral. When I close my eyes it disappears, I only see them when my eyes are open. Like DMT activation or similar.

I just drove into the countryside at 12 last night and drove around for 4 hours thinking, can't sleep at all. Buying lots of weed tonight so should help me sleep. Took 5 strong ass sleeping pills and they did nothing.

I would say the awake wanderers are the ones to fall first, to be honest I'am at the bottom, I can't bring myself to react to anything, I just don't care anymore. The anger and sorrow from the weekend has just turned into complete emptiness with a few rays of hope to keep me going.

I want to be glad that others will start to fall in the storm but I don't even care I just want out of this prison, my pride is gone, my shame is gone, my guilt is gone and my control is gone, I'am faceless and nothing just a ghost waiting to pass on. I'am just waiting now, I feel the end is near, nearer then 21/12 at least for me. I'am quitting my job, not paying my fines, nothing. I refuse to keep feeding this machine.

This is the point I needed to reach, release awaits me. There is no winning or losing this game, it is a game of nothing. The only thing I have left is the hope of never feeling this again.

(07-02-2012, 08:57 AM)ShinAr Wrote: ...And apply some wisdom to your situation by seeking help from those who offer it, and by seeking truth instead of delusion.

(07-02-2012, 09:24 AM)Bring4th_Aaron Wrote: ...
Sending you a wave...

Quote:...Within your illusion that which seems difficult, that which seems unforgivable, that which seems unacceptable, are those experiences which test your strength to love those who seem unlovable and to forgive that which seems unforgivable. Thus, you are as the one who lifts the weight: as the strength is gained, further weight must be added if further strength is desired. When you have passed from this illusion and you look back upon it and thumb through your own book of life, you will have quite a different point of view. You will see those times which seemed most difficult as being of the greatest opportunity to love, and those times then will seem as great treasures, whereas now they seem as they seem as great burdens. It is all a matter of the point of view, my brother. You have the narrower point of view now in order that you may test and strengthen your ability to widen this point of view...

(07-02-2012, 02:59 AM)jacrob Wrote: Gemini are you seeing an upward spiral i.e. an improvement or just cessation of manic thoughts/behaviour? El Collie wrote some very interesting things about her extreme kundalini awakening which you may find helpful at link below. You may find your kundalini rising exacerbating already existing conditions, or infact be the cause of certain symptoms. Scroll down to the chapters of her book Branded by the Spirit:

http://www.elcollie.com/st/st.html

July's astrological outlook sounds promising though...

http://www.novamagazine.com.au/article_archive/2012/2012-07-great-awakening.html

(07-02-2012, 08:18 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: I'm glad for you Sagittarius. It's always wonderful when you overcome your trials.
Can't say what is next. Usually these things seem to come in cycles.

(07-01-2012, 09:36 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: In light of what you said jacrob,

My dark times are such a toll on me that they put me out of work for a month. Even my ups had me fooled into thinking I was in heaven and had no further need for work, causing me to skip work.
It used to be very bad till I got on psych meds. I had to go to the ER because my mind kept expanding out of control.
The ups for me were really intense as well, such as feeling like I was an angel ascending into heaven.
I've been diagnosed bipolar schizophrenic. My dark just kept getting darker and the light kept getting lighter.
I couldn't sleep either. I went about 6 days with very little sleep.

Yeah, in the darker times, it felt like everything was out to get me. When my friend was moving some chains
from one place to another, I feared that they would be used against me later on. My love that I held for my friend kept me from totally flipping out.
The ups definitely felt like heaven on Earth. Like I was a child again.

(07-05-2012, 12:01 AM)xise Wrote: Crazy energy today. My heart was felt like it was going to beat out of my chest for not apparent reason on and off for about 4 hours. I felt a 5 second quivering energy on my third eye area when I wasn't meditating. They both seemed related to no particular thoughts - I was reading up on some non-spiritual/leisure stuff when this seemed to happen.

Both were probably the most powerful/strongest sensations I've felt since this whole journey started.

Anyone else?

EDIT: As an aside, I've started taking supplements to strength my pineal gland this past week. (thanks godwide_void ) - namely switching to non-fluoride toothpaste, taking a 400-800 mg of wood betany, and taking 36 mg of Iodine/Iodide supplements. Perhaps there is a relationship. My meditations haven't seemed to change - the same as always - completely hit or miss, maybe a tad bit more restless.

(07-05-2012, 08:55 AM)Meerie Wrote: we have a monster solar flare coming our way:

(07-05-2012, 08:54 AM)Patrick Wrote: All of this is perfectly fine. The real challenge after this though is to ground back down to Earth and go on living in this world.

(07-05-2012, 02:41 PM)Sagittarius Wrote: Exactly. Not really a challenge after the fall though, once you go through that faith in-tact, I can't think of anything that would make me fearful or nervous, f*** it I'am already dead.