About my mother: Help.

[palindromic]

It sounds like she has a severe sacral / orange chakra blockage. Several hints of this is the rape that happened and also her over use of speech (blue/throat are often related in some ways to the orange/sacral).

Her intent for this "spiritual community" should be questioned further. See what her true goals are for the matter. See what she's trying to accomplish here. It is possible she is trying to achieve some sort of position of power within this community of hers. Her desire for 'secrecy' is also a sign of the darkness which should be further questioned. Also, never lower your vibration. Balance every single chakra to the best of your ability.

My heart goes out to you, truly. 15 is a terrible time for a mother to abandon a child. Remember that this has formed and shaped you in a way that was intended right from the beginning. Avoid making choices to try and prove your worth to her or to attempt to make her proud. You are worthy and full of love and pride without her blessing.

Remember, when you do stand up to her:
Don't respond with a negative emotional response. Be calm, chose your words carefully. Allow her to express herself, but remember to be entirely honest right down to the last letter.

Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that makes flowers grow, not thunder - Rumi