Pablisimo, I commend you for confronting this fear and choosing to transmute it! I am certain that you will succeed!
It sounds like you've been doing 'all the right things' in researching them, meditating and attempting to feel love for them, etc. But thus far, those commonsense approaches haven't worked. It could be that there is some key missing piece, that, once you find it, will unravel the mystery for you.
I suggest first ruling out the obvious:
This would certainly explain it. And yet, it could also be the key to alleviating the fear. Why? Because, if you were abducted, what does that tell you?
It tells you that you survived.
I invite you to ponder that. If you survived, then the fear of being abducted may be worse than the reality itself. Sometimes it helps, when dealing with a fear, to actually confront the worst case scenario.
At first glance, the worst case scenario in this case might seem terrifying...and yet...you survived.
If it did happen, you were very young. You were defenseless, essentially. You didn't have the knowledge or the tools you have now. So there's no way it could be nearly as frightening, as an adult, as it was as a child.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDNr0NPFQWw
Lyrics:
http://petergabriel.com/discography/track/Darkness/1443
I know that's easier said than done.
Have you considered doing a regression or hypnosis? Evidently, many who believe they were abducted have found healing in such methods.
A less confrontative method, that you might consider, is shamanic soul retrieval. The premise for soul retrieval is that a sliver of the personality got stuck in a state of fear, due to some traumatic event. It may allow re-integration of the splintered self, without necessarily directly going back into the traumatic event. (Although some techniques do just that, but it's done consciously, rather than under hypnosis.)
Or, here's another idea:
Could it be that the fear is totally unfounded?
Consider this: What if you were never abducted by aliens at all, but just took on a fear that manifested in that form, because of something you saw in a tv show or movie?
Case in point:
When I was about 4 or 5, I saw a movie called The Creeping Hand. It was about this hand, severed at the wrist, that went around strangling people. It seems almost comical to think about that now, but it had a huge impact on me. Up until I was an adult and had a bedroom partner, I routinely checked under my bed, every night, to make sure that hand wasn't under there!!! No kidding! Here I was, a teenager, still checking under my bed every night for that hand!
That wasn't all I did. I also saw a Twilight Zone episode in which a monster showed his face when someone pulled back the shutter on a window. Well, it was so sudden and unexpected, that I could not pull back the curtain on a window, well into my 20s! I was fine if the window was already open, but no way could I ever pull back a curtain!
The scene you describe, of being terrified of being pulled out your bedroom window, sounds strikingly familiar.
Aha!!! I remember where I saw that exact scene: The X-Files.
Were you a child in the 1980s, perhaps? If someone in your house was watching The X-Files, and you saw it when you were too young to understand, that could surely explain your irrational fear!
The X-Files had some cool stuff in it, but wow, a lot of it was creepy enough to cause nightmares even for adults! I can't imagine seeing it as a child!
Perhaps your fear is based on something really simple like that. Perhaps you were never abducted at all, but just saw a scary tv show!
If so, then it might be easily remedied: Just buy or rent The X-Files 'Alien' episodes (we have it on a shelf somewhere...forgot what it was called...but it's a set of all the alien episodes, minus the creature features). If you were to watch them with you new, adult perspective, following the storyline, that might not be so scary anymore.
Wait! I know you said it is virtually impossible to even see a picture of a Gray. But, perhaps - and this is only an idea - perhaps if you were to see the tv show in its proper context, and see all its flaws (it is Hollywood, after all)...maybe see some Grey costumes and props, to really show that it's all entertainment...and, more importantly, watch the shows that explore the power elite (which you already have no fear of), it just might move the fear of the Greys out of its own realm, and into the realm of the Hollywood version of the power elite (which is comical, imo). This would be by association. In other words, if you can associate the fear of A with the confidence of B, then A takes on the confidence of B.
That's all presupposing the fear was rooted in seeing an X-Files episode(s). I don't think this idea is far-fetched, after my experience with the hand and the monster!
Next: Have you read Secrets of the UFO? I don't remember whether it was in that, or in the Law of One, that it was stated that many abductions took place for the purpose of 'waking up' the person. Perhaps, if you were actually abducted, it served to get you on your path of spiritual seeking. If so, then you might try thanking the Greys for their service! (Don't worry: I don't think doing that would invite any more activity from them. And you can make it abundantly clear that you wish no further interaction with them.)
I really wonder if it might not just be something simple like a tv show. Might be worth exploring and ruling out!
PS. When children are abused, they sometimes transfer the fear of the abuser onto something else. In fact, some psychologists (who don't believe in aliens) think that all abductees are actually just fabricating the whole alien abduction story, and what really happened was that they just transferred the fear of their abuser onto a fictitious alien.
We know aliens really do exist, and some are STO while others are STS, and undoubtedly many are like humans - mixed polarity. However, that doesn't rule out the possibility that transference didn't actually take place. In other words, just because there really are aliens doesn't mean that everyone with a fear of aliens was actually abducted.
While some people who believe themselves to be abducteesmight really be abductees, others might not be at all. They might be victims of child abuse who were never abducted, but simply transferred the fear of the abuser into a convenient alien, after seeing a tv show like The X-Files.
I saw this happen in my own family. One of my sisters claimed to have been sexually abused, and we concluded that it was a case of transference. She really was abused, but in other ways. But it was easier for her, as a young adult, to latch onto the explanation of sexual abuse, rather than confront what really happened to her. (Something worse than sexual abuse? Yeah, hard to believe, right?)
Unfortunately, there are many forms of abuse, and children, ill-equipped to handle it, often build walls in their psyches, to avoid the pain. I would surmise that, somehow, as a child you associated aliens with something that happened to you. The actual event might have had nothing at all to do with aliens.
It sounds like you've been doing 'all the right things' in researching them, meditating and attempting to feel love for them, etc. But thus far, those commonsense approaches haven't worked. It could be that there is some key missing piece, that, once you find it, will unravel the mystery for you.
I suggest first ruling out the obvious:
(05-11-2010, 11:27 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: It has occurred to me that I could have been abducted at some point when I was very young. That possibility would explain why the terror is so unreasonable, visceral and unthinking.
This would certainly explain it. And yet, it could also be the key to alleviating the fear. Why? Because, if you were abducted, what does that tell you?
It tells you that you survived.
I invite you to ponder that. If you survived, then the fear of being abducted may be worse than the reality itself. Sometimes it helps, when dealing with a fear, to actually confront the worst case scenario.
At first glance, the worst case scenario in this case might seem terrifying...and yet...you survived.
If it did happen, you were very young. You were defenseless, essentially. You didn't have the knowledge or the tools you have now. So there's no way it could be nearly as frightening, as an adult, as it was as a child.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDNr0NPFQWw
Lyrics:
http://petergabriel.com/discography/track/Darkness/1443
I know that's easier said than done.
Have you considered doing a regression or hypnosis? Evidently, many who believe they were abducted have found healing in such methods.
A less confrontative method, that you might consider, is shamanic soul retrieval. The premise for soul retrieval is that a sliver of the personality got stuck in a state of fear, due to some traumatic event. It may allow re-integration of the splintered self, without necessarily directly going back into the traumatic event. (Although some techniques do just that, but it's done consciously, rather than under hypnosis.)
Or, here's another idea:
Could it be that the fear is totally unfounded?
Consider this: What if you were never abducted by aliens at all, but just took on a fear that manifested in that form, because of something you saw in a tv show or movie?
Case in point:
When I was about 4 or 5, I saw a movie called The Creeping Hand. It was about this hand, severed at the wrist, that went around strangling people. It seems almost comical to think about that now, but it had a huge impact on me. Up until I was an adult and had a bedroom partner, I routinely checked under my bed, every night, to make sure that hand wasn't under there!!! No kidding! Here I was, a teenager, still checking under my bed every night for that hand!
That wasn't all I did. I also saw a Twilight Zone episode in which a monster showed his face when someone pulled back the shutter on a window. Well, it was so sudden and unexpected, that I could not pull back the curtain on a window, well into my 20s! I was fine if the window was already open, but no way could I ever pull back a curtain!
The scene you describe, of being terrified of being pulled out your bedroom window, sounds strikingly familiar.
Aha!!! I remember where I saw that exact scene: The X-Files.
Were you a child in the 1980s, perhaps? If someone in your house was watching The X-Files, and you saw it when you were too young to understand, that could surely explain your irrational fear!
The X-Files had some cool stuff in it, but wow, a lot of it was creepy enough to cause nightmares even for adults! I can't imagine seeing it as a child!
Perhaps your fear is based on something really simple like that. Perhaps you were never abducted at all, but just saw a scary tv show!
If so, then it might be easily remedied: Just buy or rent The X-Files 'Alien' episodes (we have it on a shelf somewhere...forgot what it was called...but it's a set of all the alien episodes, minus the creature features). If you were to watch them with you new, adult perspective, following the storyline, that might not be so scary anymore.
Wait! I know you said it is virtually impossible to even see a picture of a Gray. But, perhaps - and this is only an idea - perhaps if you were to see the tv show in its proper context, and see all its flaws (it is Hollywood, after all)...maybe see some Grey costumes and props, to really show that it's all entertainment...and, more importantly, watch the shows that explore the power elite (which you already have no fear of), it just might move the fear of the Greys out of its own realm, and into the realm of the Hollywood version of the power elite (which is comical, imo). This would be by association. In other words, if you can associate the fear of A with the confidence of B, then A takes on the confidence of B.
That's all presupposing the fear was rooted in seeing an X-Files episode(s). I don't think this idea is far-fetched, after my experience with the hand and the monster!
Next: Have you read Secrets of the UFO? I don't remember whether it was in that, or in the Law of One, that it was stated that many abductions took place for the purpose of 'waking up' the person. Perhaps, if you were actually abducted, it served to get you on your path of spiritual seeking. If so, then you might try thanking the Greys for their service! (Don't worry: I don't think doing that would invite any more activity from them. And you can make it abundantly clear that you wish no further interaction with them.)
I really wonder if it might not just be something simple like a tv show. Might be worth exploring and ruling out!
PS. When children are abused, they sometimes transfer the fear of the abuser onto something else. In fact, some psychologists (who don't believe in aliens) think that all abductees are actually just fabricating the whole alien abduction story, and what really happened was that they just transferred the fear of their abuser onto a fictitious alien.
We know aliens really do exist, and some are STO while others are STS, and undoubtedly many are like humans - mixed polarity. However, that doesn't rule out the possibility that transference didn't actually take place. In other words, just because there really are aliens doesn't mean that everyone with a fear of aliens was actually abducted.
While some people who believe themselves to be abducteesmight really be abductees, others might not be at all. They might be victims of child abuse who were never abducted, but simply transferred the fear of the abuser into a convenient alien, after seeing a tv show like The X-Files.
I saw this happen in my own family. One of my sisters claimed to have been sexually abused, and we concluded that it was a case of transference. She really was abused, but in other ways. But it was easier for her, as a young adult, to latch onto the explanation of sexual abuse, rather than confront what really happened to her. (Something worse than sexual abuse? Yeah, hard to believe, right?)
Unfortunately, there are many forms of abuse, and children, ill-equipped to handle it, often build walls in their psyches, to avoid the pain. I would surmise that, somehow, as a child you associated aliens with something that happened to you. The actual event might have had nothing at all to do with aliens.