Can I just return to the Source for a while?

[Aleksi]

You could be returning to Source every night as you sleep...

I like this.

'cause I've played myself to a situation where I can't see a way out! I'm so full of frustration, everything seems mildly interesting at best, I'm in mental pain all the time and it's slowly making my body ill too and things just don't motivate me anymore! I'm at least 90% sure that even heroin would not dull this pain since the last time I took LSD I felt intense euphoria and it just felt like blehhh! What's the deal with this, is this the Dark Night or just regular depression, nihilism, heartbreak? All at once! My heart yearns for love and that's all I want, won't the Creator take me back to Him if just for a while?

My advice is to try and break the loop you're in. When we get into depressed states, our worlds become smaller. The trick is to expand possibilities and get out of the collapsed state. There are times when this can take a lot of work. But it has to do with focus.

The first thing I would do is stop trying to analyze your situation. What you need to do, and this is usually the most difficult thing, is to take some action. And have no expectations of immediate results. If there is no motivation, then this is where your will comes in. Just decide to do something and do it. Without knowing your specific situation, I can make a general comment: whatever you are heart-broken over, change focus to yourself and how you can improve yourself. Every day, look in the mirror and say one good thing about yourself. Remind yourself of your good qualities and interrupt thought patterns that spiral down.

Drugs—even  sugar—mess with the balance of beta-endorphins and their receptors (one important part of the whole picture). If you take something that will induce euphoria or even just good feelings, there will be a dive afterwards chemically in the brain. So the first thing is to treat your body as a friend you want to take good care of. There are great supplements on the market with lithium and St. John's Wort that gently help to stabilize brain chemical balances. Good food is important. Love your body and all the microorganisms in it that coexist with you and help keep you functioning.

Get some exercise. Take some walks in nature. Look at trees, wild animals. Listen to the breeze scraping over rocks and feathering the grasses. This will help take you out of yourself and out of the loop.

You may have done what I suggest already. But preservere. "All things must pass," as George Harrison wrote. Change is constant in this universe. Imagine yourself 5 years from now, looking back at your life. What would you have yourself doing now?

Thank you for this and thanks to all others who replied. I think I'd have myself resting and eating healthy right now for a bit.