Caring/Compassion/Sensitivity/Tact vs Lying/Faking

[yossarian]

Unity is right -- it's really hard to express disagreement in the Anglosphere without being impolite.

I think it would be more accurate to say, "it's really hard to express disagreement in the Anglosphere without being perceived as impolite."

Those are exactly the same. The only part of communication that matters is how it is perceived.

I disagree, there is a huge difference. For instance, say I perceived what you just said as a huge insult.

Yossarian, what you just said was extremely offensive to me. You must lack compassion because what I perceived was hate. My ego is battered and I feel like ceasing my participation on this forum. I can't believe I was slighted like this by a fellow brother of the LOO.


Should you rectify? And apologize? Perhaps reword it to where I would not be offended?

Or, knowing your intent was not to offend and understanding that if I perceive impoliteness, it is my OWN distortion, stick by your words?

What if, in my culture, it is rude to disagree with someone in ANY context in ANY form? Would you then hesitate to disagree? Would you feign agreement to not seem rude? Would it be STS of you to disagree with me, because it would offend me no matter how you put it?

Here's what I would say:

"Sorry you feel that way, I don't hate you, I feel warmly toward you. I hope you reconsider quitting the forum. When I made my comment I was presenting my own opinion about what you said and I didn't mean to insult you or batter you. What do you think about that? What part of what I said seemed hateful to you?"

So, I definitely believe in sticking by my opinions, but I don't think this requires being mean. I'd do my best to clear up any misunderstandings and to let you know that I don't hate you. If my attempts didn't work then I'd just say oh well and move on.

It's true that sometimes people are just going to be offended and it's entirely because of their own distortions and there's nothing people can do about it. I just don't think this is the case with unity. I think he could explain himself better and communicate more effectively so that people would be less offended and there would be fewer misunderstandings.

For the record, I absolutely agree that hiding your opinions/view/truths or lying about them is bad practice. I believe in tact, not lying.