Ways to improve myself, and make me a better person.

[AnthroHeart]

50 things I can do to be a better person. Or at least I think so.

This is how I feel. My little idiosyncrasies that sort of bother me.
I don't know if it's my ego or what. And is preparing a list like this trying to “seek attention”?
I hope not. I don't know if I should have posted this. But it's more for me. Though I do like feedback. Was posting this a good idea? Or am I trying too hard?

1. Don't think about afterlife so much. Appreciate this life and its limitations.
   
2. Call on my spirit guide more.
   
3. Don't respond to messages or emails too quickly. It makes me seem desperate.
   
4. Love ferrets more.
   
5. Love my mom more.
   
6. Don't talk so much about anthros.
   
7. Stop practically worshiping anthros.
   
8. Love other people more.
   
9. Don't seem too eager about anything. It makes me seem immature.
   
10. Don't get so offended.
    
11. Stop eating junk food.
    
12. Eat more vegetables and less meat.
    
13. Don't drink alcohol. It doesn't mix with my meds.
    
14. Stop talking about spirituality so much. People who don't talk at all about it are doing just fine.
    
15. Be more honest in all that I can be.
    
16. Don't smother my dog in love so much. Give him room to breathe.
    
17. Stop thinking my energy work comes from me instead of through me from source.
    
18. Stop wondering if I come from Ra. I believe I do, and that should not make any difference.
    
19. Be cleaner. Clean my room more.
    
20. Shower more.
    
21. Brush my teeth more.
    
22. Put on deodorant more.
    
23. Stop trying so hard to fit in.
    
24. Don't worry so much.
    
25. Stop fantasizing about nasty things.
    
26. Finish reading the books I buy.
    
27. Don't keep reading and buying books on after death experiences.
    
28. Stop trying to attention seek.
    
29. Don't post so much to the forum.
    
30. Keep my posts on topic.
    
31. Work on my fear of things.
    
32. Stop thinking I'm not good enough.
    
33. Stop worrying what other people think, and think of me.
    
34. Try harder not to annoy other people.
    
35. Try to make other people happy.
    
36. Stop glorifying suicide.
    
37. Stop trying to escape life, responsibilities and my feelings.
    
38. Stop using my schizophrenia as an excuse, even if others are using their condition as one.
    
39. Stop being such a recluse. Go to the furry meetups.
    
40. Care more about my health.
    
41. Stop worrying if anthros really exist.
    
42. Stop fantasizing about being an anthro in another life.
    
43. Forgive the past. Because my mom thought I was faking it when she hypnotized me, I should allow her to hypnotize me again. Maybe. It's hard when she doesn't appreciate it.
    
44. Try to be less confused. Like deciding what good wallpaper for my computer is.
    
45. Don't be concerned that I am paying all the bills in my home, except for celphone.
    
46. Stop my gross little habits.
    
47. Don't be so lazy and sleep so much.
    
48. Realize that spiritual experiences mean schizophrenic episodes.
    
49. Realize that I am a caring/loving person. In a dream I spared someone's life.
    
50. Stop trying to force my beliefs on others. And stop sharing my beliefs with those who don't share them.
    

[AnthroHeart]

"If you will just let yourself exist for no reason or purpose, you can finally enjoy this dream of life and self. Take a breath and enjoy. There's nothing to do. Be."

- Mac Dryden (Facebook)
https://www.facebook.com/mmillion2?hc_re...ED&fref=nf

[Spaced]

1. Don't be so hard on yourself.
2. Have fun.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

A list to improve myself...  I'm used to making lists describing myself and characters but this should be refreshingly different.  Maybe if it's good enough I'll print it out to put on my wall.

1. Believe in The One Infinite Creator
   
2. Help other people more often
   
3. Care less about what others think of me
   
4. Care more for what I think about me
   
5. ...Be more courageous in social interactions
   
6. See others as myself, treat them as if they were literally myself
   
7. Listen to less depressing music (less Nine Inch Nails, more Hans Zimmer)
   
8. Stop watching any hint of pornography that degrades the human being
   
9. Adapt to society and tolerate a job OR learn how to live comfortably without a job on my own
   
10. Stop telling myself I deserve to be alone and to suffer in isolation for things I know nothing about
    
11. Accept my Autism instead of destroying myself for being so.
    
12. Find a way to get counseling or therapy to discuss all of the neglect I went through as a child...
    
13. DO NOT STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH THE FEW FRIENDS I HAVE LEFT LIKE I KEEP TELLING MYSELF I SHOULD
    
14. Stop smoking weed recreationally, turn it into a spiritual aid, not a living aid
    
15. Be spiritual, just always be spiritual, my life is meaningless to me without spirituality
    
16. Embrace my religiousness and be spiritually oriented
    
17. Stop speaking in negatives, stop negating myself like I was taught to do by my mother, give myself more credit for making it this far through my own turmoil and self hatred
    
18. Go on walks during the day more often, get used to being around people again
    
19. Speak less, Listen more
    
20. Judge less, Love more
    
21. 'Help' less, Be of Service more
    
22. Thank the Creator, myself, and my surroundings more
    
23. Do yoga, do a lot more yoga, for my back, for my neck, for my knees, for my hips
    
24. Embrace the fact I'm bisexual, possibly Transgender if I'm being painfully honest
    
25. Stop yelling at everything, control my anger
    
26. Clean the house more often
    
27. Journal more, no thought is too little and pointless to write down
    
28. Read more, watch shows less
    
29. Study metaphysics and philosophy again
    
30. Be WAY MORE openminded towards MY SELF, be less judgmental of my self
    
31. Look for Love every day for at least 20 minutes
    
32. Find a way to stick to meditating daily, every now and then a couple times a week doesn't seem good enough, do not stop, everrrrrr
    
33. Be more peaceful and less violent, channel my violent desires into an appropriate medium
    
34. Take up graphic art again, photoshop misses me
    
35. Explore my darkness with a gentleness rather than as a keen observer, do not fear my Shadow Self, accept my Shadow Self
    
36. Explore my childhood fear of Demons and Aliens (for no explainable reason I feared Demons and Aliens long before I knew what they actually were)
    
37. Learn something new, like self hypnosis or a higher math level
    
38. Learn to do new things by my self...Even if I hate doing new things alone.
    
39. Do not allow myself to become inundated in isolation and loneliness, allow myself to connect to others (allow my yellow chakra to function)
    
40. Do not immediately get impatient and mad at something not being easy or making sense (so little makes sense to me...the fact the Law of One did completely is what makes it matter so much to me.)
    
41. Play video games less, watch less netflix, get on my feet and use my hands more often
    
42. Take up a detail oriented hand's on hobby, like Lego's.  Lego's are awesome.  Or small carpentry or woodcraft based things, or maybe something with clay.
    
43. Make my garden work, defy the Desert and make life grow from the barren land that is my backyard.
    
44. Explore nature more (maybe go hike one of the mountains nearby or go enjoy a new park)
    
45. Explore my surroundings, visit new shops, new locations, new places, bring newness into my life so I can't grow weary and bitter of the same things all the time
    
46. Attempt to stop being cynical, bitter, and hopeless
    
47. Learn Compassion towards All without condition
    
48. Accept All
    
49. Love All without condition
    
50. Forgive All
    

Sometimes I think I should retrace my steps back in 2014...

I don't understand this 'initiation' or 'awakening' or such that I went through according to others.  I wouldn't call it such a label.  Back in 2014 what I experienced was simply knowing myself as deeply as I could through the techniques given to me by Ra.  I don't know why it's given such labels and titles like an initiation or awakening or enlightening.  It was the simplest thing with the most complex experiences, a perfect state of being for a paradox like me, where nothing was too simple to confuse me, and too complex to elude me.  I probably could have learned how to be a master programmer were I always like that, just...Calm.

So calm...

The calm of 2014
The turmoil of 2015
The confusion of 2016

I hope this year, I will find myself again, find that I am the unique portion of the Creator, that although I am smaller in being, I am not 'lesser'.  That although I am distorted and damaged, I am not 'broken'.  That although I am easily confused and annoyed and saddened, I am not 'wrong'.

I just want everything to be okay.  It doesn't need to be perfect, just okay.  People say suffering is a great teacher.  Every teacher has a point where they no longer have anything to teach.  I want that point to come sooner than later...

[AnthroHeart]

I failed in the thinking about anthros less, because my #1 dream is to become one myself, and am trying my hardest to do so.
I sometimes feel like crying because I'm not an anthro.

My wall is covered with anthro art.

Yeah, I need to watch less porn that degrades humans. I do look at porno anthro art though. A lot is degrading, so maybe I could use less.
But usually the art they're both into it.

I am pretty much ok though with everything. I realize I don't get upset like I used to. I am much more patient. Have inner peace.

I need to have almost no resistance if I want my dream to come true.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

I too feel I've come a far way, I used to be physically violent in anger, would hit walls and doors, but thankfully NEVER people, except two times, once as a really young child, another as a freshman in high school and the punch I threw, my friend said it was like being hit by a teddy bear, soooo lolol

Then there was the only fight I ever got into at a after-school 'kids club' which can be read as 'child prison'.

I have never liked the humiliation and degradation facets of most porn, I've just become numb to it against women, but seeing it against men too (especially in sissy porn, just for real, it is ridiculous) has made it so much more noticeable in 'normal' porn.  Especially when it's with a 'bigger' man and you can tell the girl is clearly acting, not enjoying herself, and isn't having fun.  Considering it's not that hard to tell when you studied non-verbal psychological communications (body language) and have experience with making a person orgasm, you can tell when a porn actress is acting.

Amateur porn isn't much better sadly, and there's only so many decent videos of both people enjoying themselves.  I still don't understand the warping of the human personality by porn fully, but seeing as how porn has evolved into things like interracial, cuckold, bdsm, 'extremes', and a lot of humiliation, cheating, and racist/sexist themes...Just makes me wonder how and why the hell so many people are drawn into 'porn'.

As for myself, watching porn is an escape, and often times I don't 'watch' porn, I read it.  Erotic literature is much hotter than any video can do justice, and many hentai mangas, when they're not filled with rape.  Rape is glorified in japanese pornos.  Humiliation and unfaithfulness is glorified in american pornos.  Porn overall shares qualities of sexism and racism.  Put a black man and a white woman together, it's called interracial.  That is not 'interracial', it is two human beings, OF THE SAME RACE.  Ever notice how every other porno video calls a woman a slut, from amateur videos to professional ones?

So, I avoid a lot of it as best I can, and usually stick to gifs/webms with or without captions, still images with captions, or literature over videos.

Not to mention in literature you can extract so much more from the reading experience versus the mindless 'viewing' experience.

Ironically, I share your feelings regards crying about not being something, only in my instance, it's often because I'm a guy where I feel not like a guy at all.

If I might offer a suggestion, that might be inappropriate since it mirrors what many guys in my position do to 'be girls' without actually being them.
You could cosplay on a daily basis as an anthro, buy some ears, a tail, some furry clothing (albeit thank the animal that died for it...) or you could just stick to fluffy polyester clothing to imitate 'fur'.  Get some makeup, some designer contacts, get all dressed up and relish in being if a little bit closely what you wish you could be.

I've never actually talked to a guy who did such a thing to be a girl, what many people call 'crossdressers' only for the term to be changed to a 'trap' if they are shaped/attractive enough to actually look like a girl.  I personally am not attractive beyond average when I try really hard to look attractive so I feel no real pull to try and emulate being a girl as I'd just be met with disgust.  So, I just live as a guy, and I just try to accept that I am weird because I am a guy who does not act like a man.  That doesn't stop me from putting myself as the girl in most pornographic visualizations, or resonating more with the female orgasm than the male orgasm, or finding overall the female side of energies more 'correct' for me.

But if you try to tell that to some people, that you feel more feminine than masculine, it doesn't usually go well.

Overall, I am proud of myself for how well I've handled everything, from my near constant suicidal desires to my almost mind-shattering depth of disdain and dislike for myself and this 3D world and God for making it all.

Yes, I am a 'man'.  I just don't feel like it inside of my own mind.  Yeah, I am a 'lover' but I feel more like a monster in my own mind.

And of it all, I can only think and guess that I feel these ways for very specific reasons related to spiritual lessons I came here to learn...  If I could just discover what it is I'm supposed to be learning specifically, not generally, I feel like I'd be able to handle everything better, compose myself better, make sense of myself better.  Be better.

Not knowing, it can be...such a stumbling obstacle it's a bit ridiculous.

[AnthroHeart]

Nah, getting a fake tail and ears wouldn't do it for me.

I close my eyes and imagine I am one.

And my body feels harder, like stronger in my mind. More firm.

Thinking of growing a dog's tail would get me all giddy. I don't want a skin-covered skinny one with just hair on it.

I wonder how much I have to know how I want to end up, or how much I leave it to the Universe.

[Agua del Cielo]

1. Stop improving yourself!

At that moment you are exactly as you are, you can as well accept it!
Nothing does change by not accepting it!

2. Stop telling this being that you are it is not good enough!

Observe it, simply observe it, this will bring understanding.
What will then not be needed anymore, will naturally fall away, the rest seems to be needed still!

3. Breathe!

Just breathe.
a) in
b) out

please repeat step a and b as long as needed, preferably for many many years!

[Agua del Cielo]

in other words:

1. stop telling myself i am not good enough
2. make a real long list what i have to improve in myself
3. Find the irony in this

[Minyatur]

in other words:

1. stop telling myself i am not good enough
2. make a real long list what i have to improve in myself
3. Find the irony in this

I think the angle we look at things matters a lot. So "what I have to improve in myself "could simply be "how do I want to become" and that would already be a more healthy angle to seek transformation of the self as the old self is not sought to be overcome but instead simply sought to shift into a new experience one is more resonant with.

[Agua del Cielo]

While i completely agree in theory, i do disagree regarding this thread!

When i read this thread, i have a strong perception of "I am not good enough" being the obvious No. 1issue.
So while it could theoretically be a matter of "how do i want to become" for me it clearly expresses "I am not good enough".
I perceive quite a lack of self-acceptance and self-love in these posts and do actually not sense a fascination for exploring the possibilities of the self from a self-loving ground.

[AnthroHeart]

While i completely agree in theory, i do disagree regarding this thread!

When i read this thread, i have a strong perception of "I am not good enough" being the obvious No. 1issue.
So while it could theoretically be a matter of "how do i want to become" for me it clearly expresses "I am not good enough".
I perceive quite a lack of self-acceptance and self-love in these posts and do actually not sense a fascination for exploring the possibilities of the self from a self-loving ground.

Sometimes I worry that in my life review after death I'm going to be overcome with all the bad stuff I did, or what I failed to do.

I will then have to repeat parts of this life because I didn't learn my lessons. And next time it will be even harder.

[Minyatur]

While i completely agree in theory, i do disagree regarding this thread!

When i read this thread, i have a strong perception of "I am not good enough" being the obvious No. 1issue.
So while it could theoretically be a matter of "how do i want to become" for me it clearly expresses "I am not good enough".
I perceive quite a lack of self-acceptance and self-love in these posts and do actually not sense a fascination for exploring the possibilities of the self from a self-loving ground.

Well I never struggled with self love issues, or at least in this life, so I can't much offer thoughts on how to balance this.

Usually I can find great beauty in traits people dislike within themselves, but it seems natural to not have this view from within the distortions while it comes more easily from outside of them.

[Minyatur]

While i completely agree in theory, i do disagree regarding this thread!

When i read this thread, i have a strong perception of "I am not good enough" being the obvious No. 1issue.
So while it could theoretically be a matter of "how do i want to become" for me it clearly expresses "I am not good enough".
I perceive quite a lack of self-acceptance and self-love in these posts and do actually not sense a fascination for exploring the possibilities of the self from a self-loving ground.

Sometimes I worry that in my life review after death I'm going to be overcome with all the bad stuff I did, or what I failed to do.

I will then have to repeat parts of this life because I didn't learn my lessons. And next time it will be even harder.

It's somewhat already there but I offer you my signature I updated yesterday in response to this :

There is no bad, there are misunderstood facets of yourself you'd insanely love were you in complete awareness of them.

So I'd say you are fearful because of not understanding aspects of yourself and your past actions you perceive as bad, and this misunderstanding of yourself is what you truly find that will overwhelm you. Once you reach understanding, you will find yourself insanely beautiful in everything you have been and there is no avoiding that because you ever are insanely beautiful in everything that you are and do. Perfectly in the image of the One Infinite Creator.

[AnthroHeart]

While i completely agree in theory, i do disagree regarding this thread!

When i read this thread, i have a strong perception of "I am not good enough" being the obvious No. 1issue.
So while it could theoretically be a matter of "how do i want to become" for me it clearly expresses "I am not good enough".
I perceive quite a lack of self-acceptance and self-love in these posts and do actually not sense a fascination for exploring the possibilities of the self from a self-loving ground.

Sometimes I worry that in my life review after death I'm going to be overcome with all the bad stuff I did, or what I failed to do.

I will then have to repeat parts of this life because I didn't learn my lessons. And next time it will be even harder.

It's somewhat already there but I offer you my signature I updated yesterday in response to this :

There is no bad, there are misunderstood facets of yourself you'd insanely love were you in complete awareness of them.

So I'd say you are fearful because of not understanding aspects of yourself and your past actions you perceive as bad, and this misunderstanding of yourself is what you truly find that will overwhelm you. Once you reach understanding, you will find yourself insanely beautiful in everything you have been and there is no avoiding that because you ever are insanely beautiful in everything that you are and do. Perfectly in the image of the One Infinite Creator.

I don't know why I've hurt every dog I've ever owned, though I loved. I hear that some people who love each other hurt each other.
I will learn to love myself again. Just right now I'm feeling down. And a little scared.

[Spooner]

I find this image helpful when it comes to contemplating self improvement:

Imagine a 2 year old child. Perhaps your own child, perhaps a relative's child, perhaps a friend's. But it is a child you love. The child tottles, explores, misteps, falls. By every measure they are incompetent. Yet this is not what you see. You see perfection. A beautiful child who is exploring and growing in their environment. Every mistep is a lesson bravely learned. A child that was perfectly still and mute; this would be a child for concern. But a wonderfully messy, joyfully exploring child. This is a perfect child.

See yourself this way.

[Minyatur]

I don't know why I've hurt every dog I've ever owned, though I loved. I hear that some people who love each other hurt each other.
I will learn to love myself again. Just right now I'm feeling down. And a little scared.

Because you were unwell and hurt yourself.

It is not realistic to expect a hurt soul to radiate solely a pure loving light yet it will come most naturally once healed. Your weaknesses are the weaknesses of all, none is better than you are.

[Diana]

Every day, say one good thing about yourself, out loud. Look in the mirror while doing this. It has to be a thing you really do think is good. It can be anything at all.