what is the biggest frustration in your life right now?

[Melissa]

Lynn I dedicate this one to you because I felt deeply moved by what you've described. Blessings and best wishes to you.

[Ashim]

Right now? I've been experiencing mind-bending agony for over 12 hours now, with almost no sleep in the past 24. Since my spiritual awakening I have studied and dissected this physical pain that is a constant in my life, trying to figure out what karma or personality distortion I need to free myself from in order to alleviate these symptoms. I have tried to lovingly accept each lesson this condition has brought me, to process every distortion its study has revealed within me. I have changed my diet and my lifestyle. I have taken supplements, painkillers and even <shudder> prescribed medications, none of which do much of anything to relieve the pain (the industrial grade painkillers like Vicodin will at least make me too high to realize I'm in pain, but I don't have consistent access to those). Standard doctors and reiki practitioners alike cannot pull this pain up at its roots, and even if temporary relief comes, it always returns with a vengeance.

I have begged and pleaded with my guides and angels to remove this thorn from my side, or to at least tell me why it is there, and their answer is always, always the same: "Sister, this is just something you must endure." And so I endure. And I write stuff like this when the pain gets bad enough to propel me into altered states of consciousness:

"As my pain drives me into the dark watches of the night, I journey the land of Nod with eyes awakened by the blessing of agony. Each shadow, each sensation is a thing anew, bearing colors of the seen unseen, which have no description in the tongues of man. I walk with my Aio, and in my hands He places his staff, and at my shoulder sits his Raven, and I am blessed among the living to share this communion."

And that's beautiful and all. I've had some really profound moments come from this pain. But I'm also really tired. This fragile little body has been dragged through hell and sometimes the plain old physical catalyst is just enormously burdensome.

I hear you sister loud and clear.
I suffered for years with cluster headaches - I know what you are going through. My guides also sucked. I tried all sort of medicine but with no results. The strongest painkillers had no effect. I finally ( at a suicidal stage) asked to be able to fully 'own' this problem. I could not stand it any more. It crippled me and intruded on the well being of my loved ones to an extent that I felt a 'wall' in front of me.
I was not able to work any more or function at all in society. There was constant fear that 'the beast' was just around the corner.

The positive side of cluster headaches is that they do pass, the knowledge of this kept me going, only to know that the next attack was just around the corner. They tend to come in waves lasting a week or so, sometimes longer. Generally 3 to 5 'episodes' every day that leave you a vegetable in the in-between time.

There are online support forums where fellow sufferers share information.
It was the general conscensus that oxygen tended to help abort these attacks during the 'shadows' (the stage where you anticipate the coming pain).
I asked my guides again about the link between the pain and oxygen starvation in the brain and they told me to breath.
I had read an article about an intense breating exercise called the 'samurai snort' and performed this during the onset of an attack.
I almost passed out from the intense breating in and out through the nose - it made me dizzy and 'light headed'.
To my utter surprise I had managed to abort an attack for the first time.
Since this event I have used this technique with 100% success.

I know that your condition is unique and comes with its own set of challanges but I just wanted to share my personal story.

I have never experienced pain greater than during these headaches so I guess we are both in the same ballpark whilst perhaps playing a different game.

If I could relieve your suffering just one bit I would do it if I knew how.
I have been there.
I can't believe that there is no solution to your troubles.

I wish you great strength and resolve.

---

Right now? I've been experiencing mind-bending agony for over 12 hours now, with almost no sleep in the past 24. Since my spiritual awakening I have studied and dissected this physical pain that is a constant in my life, trying to figure out what karma or personality distortion I need to free myself from in order to alleviate these symptoms. I have tried to lovingly accept each lesson this condition has brought me, to process every distortion its study has revealed within me. I have changed my diet and my lifestyle. I have taken supplements, painkillers and even <shudder> prescribed medications, none of which do much of anything to relieve the pain (the industrial grade painkillers like Vicodin will at least make me too high to realize I'm in pain, but I don't have consistent access to those). Standard doctors and reiki practitioners alike cannot pull this pain up at its roots, and even if temporary relief comes, it always returns with a vengeance.

I have begged and pleaded with my guides and angels to remove this thorn from my side, or to at least tell me why it is there, and their answer is always, always the same: "Sister, this is just something you must endure." And so I endure. And I write stuff like this when the pain gets bad enough to propel me into altered states of consciousness:

"As my pain drives me into the dark watches of the night, I journey the land of Nod with eyes awakened by the blessing of agony. Each shadow, each sensation is a thing anew, bearing colors of the seen unseen, which have no description in the tongues of man. I walk with my Aio, and in my hands He places his staff, and at my shoulder sits his Raven, and I am blessed among the living to share this communion."

And that's beautiful and all. I've had some really profound moments come from this pain. But I'm also really tired. This fragile little body has been dragged through hell and sometimes the plain old physical catalyst is just enormously burdensome.

I hear you sister loud and clear.
I suffered for years with cluster headaches - I know what you are going through. My guides also sucked. I tried all sort of medicine but with no results. The strongest painkillers had no effect. I finally ( at a suicidal stage) asked to be able to fully 'own' this problem. I could not stand it any more. It crippled me and intruded on the well being of my loved ones to an extent that I felt a 'wall' in front of me.
I was not able to work any more or function at all in society. There was constant fear that 'the beast' was just around the corner.

The positive side of cluster headaches is that they do pass, the knowledge of this kept me going, only to know that the next attack was just around the corner. They tend to come in waves lasting a week or so, sometimes longer. Generally 3 to 5 'episodes' every day that leave you a vegetable in the in-between time.

There are online support forums where fellow sufferers share information.
It was the general conscensus that oxygen tended to help abort these attacks during the 'shadows' (the stage where you anticipate the coming pain).
I asked my guides again about the link between the pain and oxygen starvation in the brain and they told me to breath.
I had read an article about an intense breating exercise called the 'samurai snort' and performed this during the onset of an attack.
I almost passed out from the intense breating in and out through the nose - it made me dizzy and 'light headed'.
To my utter surprise I had managed to abort an attack for the first time.
Since this event I have used this technique with 100% success.

I know that your condition is unique and comes with its own set of challanges but I just wanted to share my personal story.

I have never experienced pain greater than during these headaches so I guess we are both in the same ballpark whilst perhaps playing a different game.

If I could relieve your suffering just one bit I would do it if I knew how.
I have been there.
I can't believe that there is no solution to your troubles.

I wish you great strength and resolve.

[Brittany]

I also do not believe the problem is without a solution. I just haven't found said solution yet. I take full responsibility for what happens inside both my mind and body and know that the power to heal this affliction is within my grasp if I can but find the correct focus.

My pain comes not from headaches, but ovarian cysts which come and go at random (and therefore can't simply be removed), that cause me excruciating pain in my left ovary. It also swells up and puts pressure on my kidneys, stomach, bladder, intestines and sciatic nerve at times, causing me pain all throughout the left side of my body and messing up my digestion process. Fortunately the onset of this pain is usually fairly predictable and I can try to plan around it, though many large events in my life I could not fully enjoy because of being in more pain than I could possibly just ignore. I've considered just having the ovary removed via surgery, but it isn't something insurance would cover, I'm not sure I could find a doctor to do it when the organ isn't cancerous, and doing so seems like just ignoring the problem instead of resolving it in the appropriate way.

After finding part of my biological family, I learned that nearly all the women in my family have severe issues with their reproductive organs. Ovarian cancer is a frequent occurrence, along with a whole host of other problems. Most of them seem to have an addiction for toxic sexual relationships as well, making me wonder if there is some sort of group karma within my family that needs to be healed outside of my own individual situation.

---

And thank you for the kind words. It means a lot. <3

[Melissa]

I think my biggest frustration is the fact that I feel like I'm spending all day every day either balancing sexual energy, or distract myself from thinking/worrying that I'm slowly starving due to no physical interaction/affection whatsoever.