[split] Understanding and dealing with catalyst

[Sacred Fool]

I know this is sort of off topic but...anyone know the concept/image of a big bully holding some kid by the wrists and beating him in the face with his own hands, mocking and chiding: "why are you hitting yourself! stop hitting yourself!"...sometimes feel that perfectly describes my relationship with the universe. Just had to get that off my chest. /rant off.

Okay, that's the bad news.  What's the good news?

It seems to me that you've taken on the challenge of carrying into this lifetime highly charged energy, and every time you move this way or that, you get zapped by it.  Is that your fault?  The universe's fault?  My fault?  None of that matters, does it?  What matters is that you develope the skill of (1) not getting zapped and (2) using the power in a purposeful manner.

Sound good so far?

How can you develope the skill?  Here's the rub, kid, you cannot develope it.....by yourself.  If you could, you wouldn't be so entirely flummoxed now, but you can't.  Why not?  It's not within your reach to learn those skills right now because your arms are too short, you can't reach the pedals nor see over the dashboard.....by which I mean to say, my guess is that the power you are heir to is simply not operated by physical nor emotional nor mental means.  These forms of agency will not reach where you need to go.

For you to become operational in this area--to which you are being called--you need to learn to use your affinity with Spirit, you need to use your spiritual muscles to learn what that power is and how to use it in a wiser fashion that smacking yourself in the face.

Okay, so how do you do that?  You make yourself available to be helped.  This means you slowly relinquish a sense of self mastery and accept help from your spirit guides.  It means you open yourself to your own higher influences.  However you found your voice to tell me truth in the "that other" thread, you might start there.  That is, summon your cogent strength, but then surrender to your guides, who have been waiting for you.

They cannot much help you physically nor emotionally nor mentally, but if you meet them in spirit and seek their help in order to serve, then maybe you can make a movie about it and post about it on this thread?  (Sorry, I did that to try to make this post conform with the Guidelines.)

   
ADDENDUM
I thought I should add that if you find it difficult to surrender thuswise on your own, you might find it helpful to do so in meditation at sacred places, places where people go to call upon their spirit helpers for aid.  The concentration of such helpers in a place can assist in the general process, and I have also found it useful in times past for absorbing general overcharged feelings causing distress.  If you venture into non-Western temples and you observe the general customs of removing shoes and, in Sikh temples, for instance, covering your head with a hat or a cloth, I have found that the people there are very supportive of Westerners showing up to meditate and do their internal work.  Such places in nature can be helpful as well.
   

[Black Dragon]

It seems to me that you've taken on the challenge of carrying into this lifetime highly charged energy, and every time you move this way or that, you get zapped by it.  Is that your fault? 

You hit the nail on the head with "highly charged energy". I mean, that much was probably obvious from early on, but...I have recently been able to discover something(by making myself available to be helped, as you say, but in this case by other members of the community here) that is a key, a large piece to the puzzle In my quest for self-discovery, healing, shadow integration, and so much more. It is actually a bit like a Rosetta stone that puts a lot of my experiences and distortions into perspective, and begins to clear up some cognitive dissonances. This is information that my higher self and guidance system had given me many hints to in my life, and has been in a long process of preparing me to accept and make proper use of.

As for "The power that I am and heir to" and learning what that is, that is at the crux of the issue. The nature of this power is a complex issue. I was told once by a psychic and channel that "my gift isn't what I think it is. It's here(she pointed to my chest). This is very true in regards to the awakening and conscious choice of STO I've achieved in this lifetime(in which I have been able to, at many points and as a general rule of thumb, open my heart chakra at quite a high level of affinity). This potential with my heart chakra is quite intense, but it is a bit brittle and untempered, prone to inconsistency and fluctuation. Probably because it is the hard earned product of monumental effort in only the last couple of incarnate lifetimes.

The other side of it is what has been making my integration process difficult. The older side, the "wisdom" side...the much more vast portion of the sum of my experiences in this octave, I guess you could say, the accumulation of previous skill and adepthood, are of a different nature entirely.(So yeah there are some ways in which a portion of this is very directly "my fault"). Fighting this, not realizing it, and not accepting it were part of the subcoscious hang-up and cognitive dissonance. All of this can be of a beneficial nature, but only when transmuted through the lens of the newly awakened heart chakra, a bit like a polarity "currency exchange", but not until I'm ready to use it properly...in other words a "tall order". Or a fun and unique challenge, depending on perspective.

The post you quoted was made I believe a night or two before I had attained the new perspective. That doesn't erase those feelings completely over night, but they are more like background noise. They do not dominate because there is more clarity, and less of a blind spot for them to operate. In this way, I can begin "getting a grip" on the tools that I have, and also open myself up to help by reducing all this inner noise and gaining the clarity and perspective I have. This was the first step that made the difference that you noticed when I was able to express those things honestly to you in the other thread. Thank you though, for highlighting this post of mine and for sharing your perspective.

I will probably be less busy around the forums for a week or so, because I'm sort of burnt out and need to recharge/process/assimilate all this new stuff properly, and I don't just mean with my meat computer. This involves some of the stuff you said: nature, quiet time, opening up to help and guidance. Those are all excellent suggestions and I agree that those would be helpful.

[Sacred Fool]

That sounds very good.  I'm sure the time spent in a chrysalis will do you well.

It's abundantly natural to take all this kind of thing personally.  When you've begun to sum that up and are looking towards a broader horizon, let's communicate again.

Have a good digestive interlude.

  

[flofrog]

Sacred Fool,

have you read 1Q84 ?

[Sacred Fool]

Sacred Fool,

have you read 1Q84 ?

No, I seldom read novels or watch movies.  Too much transient information.   <heh heh>
   

[Asolsutsesvyl]

Moralization has been on my mind, as a little topic in itself, and having a lot to do with responding to catalyst very generally. How people relate to old things and respond to new things often has moralizing flavor in it when it's an "issue" or "challenge" in a psychological sense.

In my experience, moralizing always automatically increases egotism (as in sureness of having THE right standard of judgment) when submerged in it or rooted in a view connected to it. I think moralization without at least a little tunnel-vision may be impossible for the human brain (and chimpanzees do it too, making it much more earthy than spiritual as a thing in itself).

Sometimes, I find moralization to be like a fog which comes and goes, transiently obscuring mental vision when matters heat up. Dissipating the fog isn't mainly about the emotions but rather the perspective connected to it.

It can be a great idea to ask which moralizing is really worth it, really having a worthwhile point to it. From time to time, something which used to matter in a moral sense can be outgrown as a concern, a larger field of vision gaining prominence, with the effect of dropping a great dead weight holding down both mind and heart when it happens. Though what people lose concern with and to what extent and in what ways, may be inseparable from the most personal aspects of learning and where existential questions ultimately lead.