Offering, Accepting, and Rejecting Criticism (Catalyst)

[Karl]

Many people (myself included at times) are unwilling to accept criticism. We view it unfavorably, as though pointing out our errors and shortcomings make us less worthwhile. Granted, many people do deliver their criticism in an abrasive and destructive fashion (AKA they're ass-holes), we can still make use of their unskilled communication efforts and grow from it. If both parties learned to more adeptly communicate their criticism, people could vastly improve themselves and their awareness. The challenge is to mentally reframe criticism to better show its positive traits and potential for growth. For this I have provided some personal beliefs (that I hold to be true) that have helped me to see it that way:

1.1 Realize that language is an imperfect medium to communicate with. While we all have a common dictionary, the words (and the symbols they represent) are merely place-holders for each individual persons memories and experiences relating to that thing. No word has the exact same meaning between two people. If you're not certain what someone means ask them to clarify.

1.2 You are allowed to feel sad, angry, hurt or even happy. Emotions do not have a right or wrong answer. They're simply a feedback system that allows you to be more aware of the deeper meanings of your thoughts. Regardless of whether or not you're aware they're there, you will still have them. It is better to feel them, and let them run their course rather than let them stagnate and block up your mind (this does not mean you need to let them control you, it may not always be appropriate to cry, but you can feel the pain and express it later when it's safer if need-be)

1.3 Every failure is a step towards success. Every time you do something wrong you will learn something valuable from it. Even if it's just what not to do next time. Eventually all of these little successes will add up and you will succeed. Some of the greatest successes were accidents (AKA failures) and many more were accomplished after hundreds, if not thousands of failures. Be curious, experiment, and know that no failure is wasted***.

1.4 People are only offended and hurt by accusations they believe to be true (it may not be on the conscious level). As much as you may disagree part of you is afraid it is true. This is an opportunity for you to expand on an idea that does not serve you and to resolve it (AKA balance distortion)

1.5 It is easier for one-thousand eyes to find your faults than it is for your own two eyes. We are fortunate that we are surrounded by so many people evaluating us, allowing us to grow in self-awareness and character much faster than could be done on our own.


Now that we got that out of the way there is the problem of offering up criticism, this one is fairly brief:

2.1 Criticism may be rejected. This is not a failure on your part. You offered them a service they were free to reject. Consider your service rendered and continue as you were.

2.2 The goal is not to coerce someone into changing something that you do not like in them. The purpose is to provide them the opportunity to see something about themselves they weren't aware of before.


And lastly, accepting/rejecting criticism specific beliefs:

3.1 Generally people will not give you honest and direct criticism unless they care about you. The only time I offer criticism is when that person is important to me, or I see so much potential in them I cannot help but offer it to them.

3.2  When someone offers their criticism you can either reject it, accept it, or remain undecided. Only you know what is best for you right now. Just because you reject something now does not mean you cannot work on it later (and you sure as hell don't need to do it all at once). Every journey is taken one step at a time, just as every novel is written letter by letter.

3.3 When someone criticises you it is an opportunity to grow and learn. Even if the critic is completely wrong, it will at least allow you a clearer insight into their thoughts (and people similar to them), which may allow you to prevent such mis-conceptions in the future.

3.4 Don't request honest feed-back if you don't want to hear the truth.


I believe that if we can remove our societies taboo of criticism we will all be much better off (maybe after some growing pains). Until we begin to honestly and openly discuss the whys behind our beliefs and actions that we communicate with eachother we cannot truly approach understanding.  Criticism is co-operation, not conflict.

Like all things you can accept or reject this. To each their own. I know from my personal experiences however that these beliefs have been able to make my life a much more pleasant one. For myself and those around me. I have spent time in profoundly dark, miserable, and hateful existences, and these beliefs aided me to exit them. Your constructive criticism and feed-back is appreciated.

*** I would like to make a personal note on this. It was actually this belief that allowed me to end a 5 year smoking habit. You quit smoking one cigarette at a time. You don't need to be perfect, just better.

[Namaste]

1.5 is especially true and useful to remember.

The definition of criticism can also have drawbacks, as that implies 'correcting' something 'wrong'.

The notion of offering a subjective observation, one that can be taken on board or disregarded, is perhaps a better term to employ :¬)

[Minyatur]

Okay this is my criticism :



No I actually did read, good post I'd add that to critize others one must be open to being criticized back.

***Your signature says it all***

[Nicholas]

I have just trawled my face book wall from 2013 to retrieve this. Now that I have recovered from the trauma, here is what I was looking for...

 "A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hang the wash outside.

[font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.[/font]
[font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.[/font]
[font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:[/font]
[font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]"Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."[/font]
[font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]The husband said: "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!"[/font]
[font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]And so it is with life:[/font]
[font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]"What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in the person we are about to judge."[/font]