Critical mass of... something

[Avocado]

I'm becoming increasingly aware of the immense pain residing within the confines of my body. It is manifesting itself more intensely and forcibly by the day. I am angry, frustrated, deeply sad (heartfelt), irritated and yearning for something more. I would think I'm bipolar if I didn't have spiritual strength. I extract immense joy from the little things. Tastes and sights bring me brief moments of bliss. I am acting with a strange mixture of spirituality and darkness. I am nearing the boundary of the dark night. With everything I've seen and experienced, the cessation of the dark night is inevitable. I simply cannot bare the frustration any longer. I am sick of experience, I am sick of sensations. I just want it all to end. This transcends mere suicidal thoughts. Suicide would just lead to more sensations. As of the moment, I am building toward some sort of critical mass. If it wasn't for meditation, this would be very ugly.

Life is irritating, life is joyful. Where is the middle ground? How can I see this for what it is? I know that only I can answer that. This is simply my way of blowing off steam, or perhaps more. I'm speaking to the only people (who I know) who accept the fact that we grow in our own unique ways. Thank you for letting me be myself. It is unbelievably freeing.

[Patrick]

You're just homesick. I am too.

[AnthroHeart]

I experienced critical mass when I apparantly grew what seemed like a black hole within me. Now I feel like the One Creator focusing back on itself inward through this black hole I created within me.

[Avocado]

Yes. Facing our own shadows. I would say I'm grateful that this stuff doesn't let up. Now I kinda have to meditate on it or else it builds up too much. It's all about balance though. A bit of meditation/accepting this here, a little active effort to grow there.

[Parsons]

Don't worry my friend, I think it has something to do with external influence right now. I and also at least 1 other forum member that I know for sure seem to have gone through this exact same kind of feeling within the past 2 or 3 weeks. And trust me when I say on the same level of despair as you described it.

For me, it passed, and I seem to have gained some kind of balance. Yesterday, my wife decided to randomly lash out at me and (after some complaining) I managed to overcome and take the high road in a situation where I can't remember the last time I did that *in my dealings with her.

I would suggest what cheered me up since it worked for me: Try reading my latest "session in focus" I posted, especially the bit about all of us at least being 3D graduates, if not one of the many many wanderers that are here now.

[Unbound]

Oh yeah, I feel you. I think this is actually something happen to many right now.

[jivatman]

I've had something like this... Mine was actually resolved on the Venus transit day. I think I reached a critical mass of pressure and then I was given this Chinese quote "Only after much tempering is steel produced", as I was looking around for Chinese characters to meditate on.

I think this was an experience with the Archetype of Temperance from the tarot as Temperance has long been known as a double entendre, meaning Tempered steel in addition to it's more obvious meaning. I might talk about this more in another post.

[haqiqu]

i'm feeling your pain, avocado. in a very real and personal way.

don't have any remedy, just breathe through it.

[Avocado]

i'm feeling your pain, avocado. in a very real and personal way.

That's why I posted haqiqu. A lot of us can relate to each other challenges. I feel isolated at times but I essentially posted to reassure myself that I am truly not. We are connected in ways I cannot fathom but what can be seen, however small, can be of tremendous aid.

don't have any remedy, just breathe through it.

Thank you! No one has a remedy for me. I must breath. It works itself out.

[Sagittarius]

Oh yeah, I feel you. I think this is actually something happen to many right now.

Yep it goes away after a week or so, not very fun though and when I returned back to normal I was pretty thankful.

[Patrick]

The good news is, we don't have to do anything to clear our issues. We just have to let them play out. Easier said than done.

My GF had an horrible two weeks and she reacted very negatively to it all (bringing me down into her personal hell with her). She is not awake and it seems to be hitting harder then. Or maybe it's the same, but they simply react more to it.

[TheFifty9Sound]

Lighten up! Life's too serious to be taken seriously.

[native]

It sounds like you're going through the remainder of your ego-death experience that started awhile ago. Your ties to the old illusory forms are letting go (or at least being challenged), so it literally feels like everything is falling apart as external desires lose their value.

Basically your consciousness is still trying to hold onto your sense of self that has been elevated, which expects the external to bring about happiness and meaning. It culminates with the realization that happiness is a choice and comes from within. The more one appreciates the present, the less grasping that is felt.

It seems to be the beginning of preparation for deeper polarization, wherein the mind is making room for others. Less absorption and more radiation, to use Ra's terms. The more I focus on others, the more I feel fulfilled.

[Diana]

Life is irritating, life is joyful.

I know what you mean. It is this very juxtaposition that enriches experience. Although I do not like the feelings of despair that can arise from living in this challenging world.

At my worst moments, I remember that I came here to do something, and that gives me courage and purpose to persevere. Then I ask myself, what would make it possible for me to stay and have some degree of contentment. For me, that is something which feeds my spirit and at the same time reaches out to the world. Having a purpose makes all the difference.

[Patrick]

...I ask myself, what would make it possible for me to stay and have some degree of contentment...

This is indeed key.

---

http://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/is..._0104.aspx

I am a member of the Confederation of Planets in the Service of Our Infinite Creator. I am here, as are my brothers, to serve your people. This has been told you this evening. But there are some other things that should be told unto you at this time. We of the Confederation of Planets in the Service of Our Infinite Creator are here for another purpose. This purpose is to serve ourselves. For, my friends, in serving you, we serve ourselves. This is the way that the creation is built. It is made so that if you serve anyone or anything in this creation you are serving yourself. This is a truth that cannot be varied. The creation, my friends, is one thing, and it is impossible in this creation to act without affecting yourself. This is not realized by most of the people of your planet, and for this reason they have affected themselves in a miserable way. We are very sorry for this, because in doing this they have not only affected themselves, they have affected us. They have made us very sad.

We are sad because we are very sorry to see people as miserable as are yours. It is not necessary, my friends, to be miserable. It is necessary only to be extremely ecstatic at all times, for this is the way that our Creator intended it. When it is understood that all things are one and it is impossible to serve anything without serving yourself, then the state of ecstasy that I spoke of becomes reality.

[Parsons]

The good news is, we don't have to do anything to clear our issues. We just have to let them play out. Easier said than done.

My GF had an horrible two weeks and she reacted very negatively to it all (bringing me down into her personal hell with her). She is not awake and it seems to be hitting harder then. Or maybe it's the same, but they simply react more to it.

I keep wondering the same thing about my wife as well, since she seemed to snap at me out of the blue. But there's no way to try to help her. I even tried to cheer her up last Friday when she did something similar after she had the day from hell at work, but it didn't seem to help.

[Patrick]

The good news is, we don't have to do anything to clear our issues. We just have to let them play out. Easier said than done.

My GF had an horrible two weeks and she reacted very negatively to it all (bringing me down into her personal hell with her). She is not awake and it seems to be hitting harder then. Or maybe it's the same, but they simply react more to it.

I keep wondering the same thing about my wife as well, since she seemed to snap at me out of the blue. But there's no way to try to help her. I even tried to cheer her up last Friday when she did something similar after she had the day from hell at work, but it didn't seem to help.

It actually makes it worst. I just take it all in, try to smile and flush the negative vibes through the crown.

[Brittany]

I had an experience just like this right before I had what I'm jokingly referring to my "second great awakening". Your body and mind just have to filter all that crap out to prepare you for the good stuff. From what I can tell, having sudden extreme anxiety such as you describe can the the precursor to having some form of vibrational ascension.

And I'd just like to say that being bipolar doesn't mean you're especially distorted or lacking in spiritual strength. I think often this condition is one of the "personality disorders" Ra described when talking about the effects entering a lower vibration often have on wanderers. I've had it for over a decade now, and it is my spiritual strength that has allowed me to come to balance it without shrinks or pills, and I am able to live a perfectly functional life in service and love.

[AnthroHeart]

You're fortunate akhtu not needing shrinks or pills. For me, I certainly needed the time off work, and have been out of it for the last month. Having to go back into work this Monday.
I think I may be bipolar, and mine is pretty extreme.
At least I'm having an experience, even if it is with pills and therapists.
I can still be spiritual, even with these.

[Steppingfeet]

I'm becoming increasingly aware of the immense pain residing within the confines of my body. It is manifesting itself more intensely and forcibly by the day. I am angry, frustrated, deeply sad (heartfelt), irritated and yearning for something more. I would think I'm bipolar if I didn't have spiritual strength. I extract immense joy from the little things. Tastes and sights bring me brief moments of bliss. I am acting with a strange mixture of spirituality and darkness. I am nearing the boundary of the dark night. With everything I've seen and experienced, the cessation of the dark night is inevitable. I simply cannot bare the frustration any longer. I am sick of experience, I am sick of sensations. I just want it all to end. This transcends mere suicidal thoughts. Suicide would just lead to more sensations. As of the moment, I am building toward some sort of critical mass. If it wasn't for meditation, this would be very ugly.

Life is irritating, life is joyful. Where is the middle ground? How can I see this for what it is? I know that only I can answer that. This is simply my way of blowing off steam, or perhaps more. I'm speaking to the only people (who I know) who accept the fact that we grow in our own unique ways. Thank you for letting me be myself. It is unbelievably freeing.

Hey Avocado, I think that the Buddha equated life (as in the incarnational life) with suffering: two ways to say the same thing.

I've been to, and will cyclically, though without discernible pattern, return to those places where I'm tired of all experience, both the seeming good and the bad. My outward circumstances are often favorable, but inside I can become consumed by an all-pervading, origin-less, face-less, nameless Pain. Constricts and contracts me it does, limiting the faculties of my consciousness to perceive, interact, and function. And with what feels like an impaired mind, the prison walls feel all the more unbearable.

At its most acute I've found that the best thing to do is nothing. While "nothing" isn't an entirely accurate term, I try to let my energy rest in non-activity as much as possible. Just lie low, lie still, and rest all possible effort except that which the moment physically requires. The Chinese finger puzzle helps to illustrate the way of non-effort as a viable solution to entrapment.

Though there are any number of proximate causes for pain and confusion, I think at the root is the primal pain of separation, of maintaining this individual identity in the face of what we really are, infinity. That hurts. Continually.

Though infinitely valuable to the Creator, it's an often tortuous thing to the incarnate self to create the illusion of being cut-off from home, from who the self really is. There is little peace to be found in not knowing who we really are.

What helps to define my own life and its path is my firm belief that there is a path, that there is the potential of self-transformation. Peace is available. Healing is possible. And that with proper application of will and faith, ending in the release of the personal will through surrender, I may unburden myself of the self-created suffering.

In short, there is work to do and I have faith that I am eminently capable of it, and through it I may drop these illusory notions of self that seem to imprison me and separate me from genuine joy.

The pain of being alive can be so bright sometimes. My heart goes out to you, Avocado. May you find rest and peace in the middle of your storms. Love/Light, GLB

[haqiqu]

Hey Avocado, I think that the Buddha equated life (as in the incarnational life) with suffering: two ways to say the same thing.

<snip>

The pain of being alive can be so bright sometimes. My heart goes out to you, Avocado. May you find rest and peace in the middle of your storms. Love/Light, GLB

thanks GLB. your feelings, even though i didn't repeat all of them here, resonate with mine. uphill all the way, it seems (sometimes).

[Unbound]

We seek within.

[Avocado]

From the Buddhist point of view there is nothing philosophical about this, just down-to-Earth state it like it is.

This is why I like Buddhism. It keeps me insanely grounded so I can explore metaphysical stuff and always have a base practice and a place to take refuge in.

[Unbound]

We seek within.