Oh Ra

[AnthroHeart]

I wish I could conjure Ra. To have him here to talk to.
Oh Ra, I wouldn't know the first thing to say to you.
I'm no priest. I feel empty.
My court date is Thursday, and I am concerned.
Oh Ra, if I only knew what to do.
These are the words that cross my mind.
My heart trembles.
It might even more if you were here.
What must I do to still my heart?
And not be anxious about what will be.
Oh Ra, I wish I were with you right now.
Then I would know the answers.
But funny thing is, I'm not seeking Ra.
Ra has helped with my health.
When my stomach hurt and ached, Ra calmed it.
And I am too anxious about work.
What if my performance isn't that good.
And something bad happens to me.
I worry about the end of the year reviews.
I fortunately missed my mid-year because I was out on disability.
For my schizophrenia disorder.
But this has helped me get closer to Ra.
And right now, I'm not really that confused
Like I was before. It's like a paradox.
I wonder so many things, but I am coherent.
I am here, though I take many meds.
The meds try to keep me separate from Ra
by closing down my upper chakras, but
I still find a way to Ra.
I don't seek Ra directly, because of negative greeting.
But yet I call upon Ra
To watch over me.
While I have my court date.
It's the pre-trial, I don't know how it will go.
Ra, be with my lawyer.
And may I visit you and find rest.
I have to take melatonin to find rest and sleep.
Which is not too bad because it's natural.
But it works for me.
My heart yearns for this to be over.
To find myself in a new light.
To know love unbounded.
So maybe I do seek Ra.
I really don't know if I do.
Because Ra is of Creator.
I am Ra, thus do I seek myself?
Watch over me, mighty one.
And don't forget your servant.
How I have strived for you in the past.
And how you showed yourself to me.
I long to see you again
In this life
Before I die
I want to know you more.
It's easy to seek myself
But to seek within and to find you
is more a challenge.
Don't forget me your faithful one.
And don't cast me down as one who is lost.
Help me to find myself.
I dare not swim in the deep waters
for fear of drowning.
Like the sun which I fear to visit
Lest I fall towards its core
Never to escape
Show me the way Oh Ra.
Calm my heart with your balm.
And let me find peace
Let me find love
and wisdom too.
For I love you, and I love all.
I will not forget the things you have done for me.


Feels good to get that off my chest.

These also make me feel better.

Ra, lay all you love on me.


It's never too late (saved my sanity more than once):

[Unbound]

Ra says, "Don't sweat it, I got your back, bro!"

[Ashim]

[AnthroHeart]

When I was writing that my heart felt tender like the time I was interviewed for the Disney College Program. They asked me if I had ever done anything I know was against the rules for good aim. Then they asked if I had skipped any classes to come to the interview, and I told them I had. But I could not name anything else, and I felt a little nervous because Disney meant so much to me. Later on I was accepted into the Disney College Program, but I turned it down because it paid minimum and we had to pay our rent there. It was the hardest decision I had to make, I turned down Disney actually twice having been accepted into their program. They must have liked me to accept me twice.

Thank you Tanner. Those words are comforting and mean a lot, like what interviewing with Disney meant in my college years. I was wondering what Ra would say to me if they could talk to me.

And thank you Ashim. I didn't quite panic, but my heart was tender. It was like a prayer. I once had eyes to see Ra in thought form. That was back when I offered them my hands (literally, before I realized how painful it was). Ra had a gold sheen about him, appearing almost holographic.