What's your earliest memory?

[Monica]

If the memory were of a traumatic incident and a great source of distress in a person's life it would be another story, too.

As you said, trauma can be the reason the person is able to remember the event. My earliest memories were traumatic. My son's newborn memories were traumatic. (We worked to heal those.) My past life memories were all traumatic. So were my husband's. We have done a lot of regression and nearly all the past-life memories that surfaced were traumatic.

I have wondered why joyous events don't imprint as traumatic ones do. Maybe traumatic events imprint, in order to ensure that the issue is revisited, so that it can be healed.

If the memory of being abused is false and one goes to court and pushing charges towards an innocent person, then yes, I agree with you, that it's a different story.

But if the experiences/memories of traumatic events are there, and one does not work with them, it will make the mental health condition worse, in my experience and understanding. I went about 13 years ignoring past traumatic events, which resulted in the condition called PTSD. One day I decided to treat it.

Enlarging past traumatic events/memories in the mind is not a bad thing. Ra actually advices it:

Then whatever is lacking in the balanced sensation is, as in all balancing, allowed to come into the being after the sensation is remembered and recalled in such detail as to overwhelm the senses.

This is done in traditional psychology too, when I was treated. We went through traumatic memories, enlarging them in the mind, and making them to overwhelm me, step by step. And then applying the current mental state to that which has been in the past. Or as I see it, applying love/light to the past experiences/memories of negative nature.

As long as no other self is being harmed, it shouldn't matter whether these memories are correct or not. They should be brought up into the light of conscious mind and worked with, so that they don't haunt one. I think that this is lacking a little bit in our current, modern society, because people are always seeking for an objective, absolute proof. Did it happen? Did it not? Is this memory correct? Is it not? What does it matter, if this memory, correct or incorrect, is there, haunting you down? It should be worked with regardsless of its "correctness", imho.

I agree 100%! I have training in Rebirthing and the whole idea is to access the old trauma and temporarily focus on it, but with new tools so that it can be healed. There are various techniques for doing this.

[reeay]

That is what I meant, the accuracy doesn't matter in trauma cases because it re-traumatizes the person regardless of accuracy. What matters is the accuracy in which we assess ourselves and our world as trauma affects those two things in a major way.

What type of therapy did you go through? Was it exposure and desensitization (awful name).

I work with PTSD and chronic trauma clients using EMDR. Trauma impacts the way in which we view ourselves and our world, thus creating a sort of distorted, erroneous or skewed perception of self and interpretation of the world. The trauma event is stored, locked, and unprocessed; a protective mechanism to prevent total psychological deterioration. The unprocessed (not examined and worked through... not fully understood & accepted) memory then gets connected to other memories we retain, like a complex web of a spider. It's a bit like a virus that infects other memories and self-understanding. It impacts the way we feel, think, act, interact with others, etc. We try to process the locked memories thru our natural healing mechanism -dreams- but we are not sufficiently able to do so, thus the nightmares.

So traumatic memories changes the way we see ourselves, our world, how we interpret things, how we connect various events in our lives, and how we respond to the world.

In EMDR we start with a traumatic image and allow the mind to 'wander'... so people recall images, feelings, thoughts, sensations, past memories... and allow the brain to 'just do its self-healing thing'. We use instruments to stimulate both sides of the brain to quicken processing. When treatment is successful, we'll find that the original traumatic image has less emotional charge and we change the way we view ourselves and how we view the world.

Benign early memories, as mentioned in earlier post, the accuracy doesn't matter. It won't matter if the event never occurred or if it did. There is ample information in the memory itself to be used as a tool for understanding self.

---

@ Monica: mine too! My two earliest memories are heavy. Memories are powerful calling for healing tho. Used creatively it may yield gold

[Ankh]

What type of therapy did you go through? Was it exposure and desensitization (awful name).

I have no idea of what the name of this therapy was. I was told that it was specifically designed for people with complex post traumatic stress disorders. I went through events/memories of the past traumatic events, using "I" word, like it was happening now. For instance: "I am in my room. This and that is happening..." Then I was asked to describe my feelings, using "I" form again. For instance: "I am feeling guilty and ashamed of my self when this and that is happening". Do you know the name of this therapy?

I work with PTSD and chronic trauma clients using EMDR.

That's wonderful, rie! (Although I have no idea of what EMDR is. =)) You do a fantastic job/service and it's needed! I have only good things to say about my therapy process. It made to realize how hurt I was and how much it made me to suffer, every day. It was the start towards the spiritual awakening. And I can not thank enough all those people who helped me and was involved in my healing process. My doctor, my psychiatrist and my psychologist.

Thank you for doing what you do, rie!

Trauma impacts the way in which we view ourselves and our world, thus creating a sort of distorted, erroneous or skewed perception of self and interpretation of the world. The trauma event is stored, locked, and unprocessed; a protective mechanism to prevent total psychological deterioration. The unprocessed (not examined and worked through... not fully understood & accepted) memory then gets connected to other memories we retain, like a complex web of a spider. It's a bit like a virus that infects other memories and self-understanding. It impacts the way we feel, think, act, interact with others, etc. We try to process the locked memories thru our natural healing mechanism -dreams- but we are not sufficiently able to do so, thus the nightmares.

So traumatic memories changes the way we see ourselves, our world, how we interpret things, how we connect various events in our lives, and how we respond to the world.

I don't know such things. You are the expert in this one.

But it doesn't sound completely wrong to me. What I do today is to process dreams if they feel significant, and I meditate.

In EMDR we start with a traumatic image and allow the mind to 'wander'... so people recall images, feelings, thoughts, sensations, past memories... and allow the brain to 'just do its self-healing thing'. We use instruments to stimulate both sides of the brain to quicken processing. When treatment is successful, we'll find that the original traumatic image has less emotional charge and we change the way we view ourselves and how we view the world.

What kind of instruments do you use to stimulate both sides of the brain to quicken the process?

What my psychologist did is to, when full memory of traumatic event has been recalled and accessed, asked me if I could see this situation from my current perspective and current point of view? For instance, if I as a child was feeling guilt and ashamed of myself while being physically abused, he asked me to return to my current self and understand that guilt, and if it was really something to be guilty and ashamed about? Then he asked me to look at myself from another self's perspective. What if what happened to me, happened to some one else, what would my emotions then be? Because usually we are more harsh towards ourselves than others. If the same thing happens to another self, then we feel deepest compassion, while being unable to give the same compassion and understanding towards ourselves.

Benign early memories, as mentioned in earlier post, the accuracy doesn't matter. It won't matter if the event never occurred or if it did. There is ample information in the memory itself to be used as a tool for understanding self.

I agree.

@ Monica: mine too! My two earliest memories are heavy. Memories are powerful calling for healing tho. Used creatively it may yield gold

Even the most unhappy of experiences, shall we say, which seem to occur in the Catalyst of the adept, seen from the viewpoint of the spirit, may, with the discrimination possible in shadow, be worked with until light equaling the light of brightest noon descends upon the adept and positive or service-to-others illumination has occurred.

Aahhh..... Raaa...

[Namaste]

Just one memory - at 1 years old, my father brought a cat home (which lived with us until I was 21). I can remember seeing the basket in the back of the car as if it were yesterday.

With regards to trauma. When you balance yourself, day-to-day, you are healing any distortions picked up form the past. That is the process of life. There is no need to 'go back' to a certain time in which to heal trauma. This is, quite simply, the foundation of 'letting go'. We choose to hold on to distortions, thinking them as part of our personality. That itself is the distortion that causes long term disharmony of the Self.

Let go, and love, and you heal the Self. That's all there is to it :¬)

[Monica]

Just one memory - at 1 years old, my father brought a cat home (which lived with us until I was 21). I can remember seeing the basket in the back of the car as if it were yesterday.

Oh, that reminds me of another memory I have. Not the earliest one...I'm not sure exactly how old I was...maybe 3 or so I'm guessing. But my parents took me to a farm and there was a mama kitty with kittens. I was told I could choose 1 kitten. There was a pure black kitten and a pure white one. I was torn; I wanted them both! But they let me have only 1, and I just couldn't decide...I wanted so much to take both of them. Finally, my mother made the decision for me, and we took the black one.

So that memory was bittersweet. Cats weren't allowed in the house, but that cat knew how to open the back door and let himself in! They would sometimes find him in the morning, curled up on my bed next to me. My mother would remark that, with 12 people in the house, the cat always chose my bed.

There is no need to 'go back' to a certain time in which to heal trauma. This is, quite simply, the foundation of 'letting go'. We choose to hold on to distortions, thinking them as part of our personality. That itself is the distortion that causes long term disharmony of the Self.

Let go, and love, and you heal the Self. That's all there is to it :¬)

Not so easy to do, for those who were severely traumatized. In many cases, it is necessary. There are neuropathways in the brain that need to be rerouted, and, although "just letting it go" is of course fined if they're able to do that, in many cases of severe trauma, the only way to reroute those neuorpathways and clear the cellular memories, is to first access the memories. As Ankh said, it doesn't matter if the memories are accurate or not...what matters is the emotional charge associated with them.

I think it's important to note that just accessing the memories for the sake of wallowing in hate and anger, obviously isn't productive. One of my sisters was told by a therapist to explore her feelings of anger, and was encouraged to write nasty, hateful letters to my parents The therapist also prodded my sister and made suggestions about what happened. There were some really awful things that happened to her, so there was no need to add to them with more awful things that hadn't actually happened! So my sister sent those nasty letters, which only increased the separation and hostility between her and our parents. It made it worse because, even though she accessed the memories, she never replaced her hatred with love and forgiveness. She just added fuel to the fire. Nothing ever got resolved. Our parents both died without ever healing the rift with her, and to this day she lives in a self-created fantasy, continuing to suppress what really happened. It's sad.

I'm a believer in the value of accessing old memories. I don't think they should be dug up unless there is an effective technique for healing them, as rie described. There is no point in opening an old wound, unless you have a way to heal that wound! But if the memories surface on their own, then that probably means the person is ready to tackle them.

[Namaste]

Goodness. That's the exact opposite to forgiveness, which of course, yields greater inertia/karma. An irresponsible suggestion, but ultimately chosen and experienced as catalyst.

Absolutely, it's easier said than done, but at it's core, when one understands who they really are - the Creator, an entity of infinite worth - forgiveness of other's becomes exponentially easier. Both intuitively and logically. It's those caught in the victim mentality/mindset that find it much harder to forgive, as they feel they have been wronged.

The process of seeking - Self discovery - can heal all wounds.

"Forgive them, as they know not what they do."

[Monica]

Goodness. That's the exact opposite to forgiveness, which of course, yields greater inertia/karma. An irresponsible suggestion, but ultimately chosen and experienced as catalyst.

What are you referring to? My sister?

[reeay]

@Ankh: Thank you for sharing your experience I am so glad that your journey was a good one! I use the audio-sensory machine (beep sounds in the ear & buzzing sensation) bc the eye movement is uncomfortable for both client & therapist.

@Namaste: The brain (and maybe the mind in general) has no conception of past, present, or future. That time orientation is based on the mind's interpretation. When a person with trauma has a 'flashback' experience of past trauma event, they literally may be living/experiencing that trauma experience in the here-and-now. That's how powerful unprocessed past memories are.

When you bring your focus/awareness to the here-and-now, you begin to re-wire the brain to understand that you are not experiencing that trauma, and that you are safe in the present moment. You could rally your internal resources that you have right now, to send love/light to whatever past trauma that you had (that aspect of you that is traumatized).

[Zachary]

My earliest memory is looking down on my blanket and perceiving the room from my crib. The memory didn't come back till I saw a picture of my very first blanket and I instantly felt a sense of familiarity and comfort.

[Parsons]

For those curious what 'EMDR' is, my wife was explaining it to me briefly recently (before EMDR was brought up, interestingly enough):

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy for PTSD that has been judged efficacious by numerous professional bodies. In EMDR treatment the patient first recalls traumatic material and then free associates on their own ("just let whatever happens happen") to sequences of linked material, both traumatic and non-traumatic, all while simultaneously attending to inner thoughts and sensory stimulation from a rhythmic, bilateral source. The sensory stimulus is most typically visual (hence "eye movement"), but can be auditory, tactile or proprioceptive.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

My first memory I can recall is of being in a hospital on a table with people in green scrubs standing over me, they put...One of those masks on me that pumps gas to knock you out.

This memory is apparently from a very young age, possibly months old, as I had a surgery to put tubes in my ears due to their being underdeveloped from being born early.

But there is a memory that I cannot pinpoint that feels as though it comes from a time before birth.

It is of...Advice?  And basically goes:
Don't Kill Yourself, It's Against the Rules.

Sigh..

[Aion]

I have lots of 'pre-birth' memories. (More like parallel memories, but anyways...) However, for this life, the earliest is darkness since I was born blind and then one day vision coming in and seeing my brother and light for the first time.

[Nau7ik]

My first memory is helping my mom icing a cake that she had made for me and my sister (Birthday for sister maybe I forgot). It was hot pink. This was around age 3, and my sister was still a baby. She’s about a year and a half younger than me. My mom is surprised I remember that lol.

[isis]

I have many memories that I'm pretty sure are from around age 3 but I don't know what order they go in so unfortunately idk what my earliest memory is.

At around age 5 I actually tried my hardest to make sure I remembered a certain moment and I put so much effort towards trying to remember it that I remember it so well...So well it's like it happened yesterday, so well it's kinda like I'm trapped in that moment in a way.

I was visiting relatives in Tallahassee and I was outside by myself and I was swinging on a swingset *for a really long time* and I was watching the sky get all dusky thru a tree's silhouette when the swing would point me skywards and it looked so lovely and I was feeling so much peace and focusing all of my thought and energy on nothing other memorizing that really nice moment that I was having. My heart sank when I got called to go inside and then the memory ends.

[Nau7ik]

Beautiful isis! Thank you for sharing that my heart smiles

[blackwanderer]

I know when I was two my earliest memory was an argument from my parents. I was either on the couch watching them or my mother was carrying me. I'm pretty sure I was crying too. Not because they were arguing but because they were being loud, and back then I HATED loud noises.

[Minyatur]

Like the OP I member the moment before my birth, although I didn't have any apprehension and was really just excited to. There is a certain unpleasantness associated though, especially because of the veil.

[Aleksi]

I'm not completely sure if it's a real or a fake memory but I remember the warm, wet orange-red comfort of my mother's womb

[Foha]

The earliest memory I have was when I was in a highchair with wheels (?) in a kitchen at my parents' first house.

I remember having a great difficulty holding a thought for more than 30 seconds.

I tried with all my willpower to focus on a goal and set my mind to it, because it was so difficult to do, and frustrated me that I could never finish a thought!

With great trouble, I was able to slowly scoot my wheeled chair into the oven's door in the kitchen. I was greatly pleased with myself.

[Glow]

Like Isis I don't really know which memory came first, as I didn't really have any concept of time or language.
I remember staring up at my butterfly mobile in the crib.

I remember a lot of moments where I didn't yet have capacity to speak but was very much stunned by peoples behavior. In an adult way, while words weren't even in my mind I already could see people were not thinking things through. I spent most of my childhood parenting the adults so I guess I came in knowing that would be my role.

Like Aleksi I too remember the soothing warm glow of the womb. I as a kid would climb under blankets trying to recreate that.

In contrast to all of you here I find it interesting my husband doesn't remember anything before 8. He had a very gentle childhood. They say emotion helps memories be deeply ingrained so it makes sense his calm mostly emotionally neutral childhood didnt leave many memories.

[Glow]

Do you guys have those memories that you can only see the field right in front of you? Like your perifial vision or awareness of it hadnt kicked in yet? I have lots of those, not context of thought or where I was but the people in my field of view I can recognize.

[Cainite]

My first memory is really sweet. I was a baby and I was in the kitchen with my mom. she then put me in front of her and started baby talking to me and it felt great! I remember really loving the moment. I was a few months old probably.

Then when I was nine or ten, in a dream I saw the memory of the last time I died (I mean the ending of my last human incarnation). not sure that counts or not...

[Sprout]

I remember picking strawberries and smelling their freshness and the soil. Mmm. I think I was like 3-4 years old.

[Eddie]

(I just read through page 1 of this thread and realized that I had already posted this memory in post #7, so I'm deleting it....)

....and I'll replace it with a memory from very long ago, but not from this incarnation.

I am sitting on the shore of an ancient sea.  The shore is bare soil, but it isn't sandy; the soil is more fine-textured, and intensely red in color.  It's bare, there is no visible plant or animal life anywhere.  The sea is quiet, only the faintest, meagerest waves (maybe an inch high) lap against the shore.  The sky above is clear and cloudless.  It isn't light blue, like ours here on earth, but a very deep color that is somewhere between indigo and purple, an extraordinary color.  The color of the sky is quite dark, but I can see perfectly.  The water is a very deep blue in color, almost black.

The most striking thing about the memory is the sense of unfathomable age that accompanies it....it must date back many billions of years, long before our solar system here existed.  Maybe tens or hundreds of billions of years.

I have had this memory all of my life, and it's one of my most vivid memories....but I have no explanation for it.