Wandering Son

[AlgolSon]

Hello, all! This is my first post. My name is Tim.

I was first acquainted with the Ra material many years ago. I forget how I found it. I believe I searched about the pyramids. I was still very lost, then. I have been lost since I was born, up until some years ago, when the Creator helped me. Now I am wandering. I have not remembered anything, yet. I have never prayed or meditated. I'm a little reluctant to. Will it spoil the mystery I have been unraveling through thousands of synchronicities and a few out of body experiences? Part of me wants to keep ignorant because the mystery is the only thing I find worth living for. It makes life fun. But part of me wants to begin communing because I am observing the beginning of extreme challenges ahead. I want to be of more service.

I was born four months premature but full-sized, with a head of hair, and healthy. I was cute. Strangers would ask to hold me. Family friends would want to borrow me. I have become a good-looking man. I have poor eyesight but have never experienced a poor constitution. I had hypoglycemia in my teens and twenties but it has left me. I have never experienced illness. I say none of this to be boastful. I have never cared about these gifts. I am grateful, yes, but I have never used them. I have been celibate for very long -- I have never even had a girlfriend. I have not applied my physical strength to any discipline. I am nearing 40 years old now but appear 20. It has occurred to me, lately, that my health and appearance may be the tools I need to be of service, but I have no idea how to use them.

My mother told me I never crawled forward. I would either scoot forward on my butt or crawl backward turning my head to look. One day I just walked. I very rarely cried. My parents took me on their dates because I wasn't fussy. Times were not so bad until my early teens. I was lonely but my baby sister was my best friend. My father was never emotional stable but a real sociopathy emerged from him. To him I was (and still am) his property. I have the looks, the constitution, and the intelligence, to wield worldly influence but never cared for power or status. He lives only for this world. So he believes I should, too, and that I should pay his way because he owns me. He was balanced by mother, who I am sure was a Wanderer. Emotionally near perfect. She paid my father's way "forward".

It has been difficult dealing with a father who lies, steals, demeans, spreads rumors, gets you arrested, and abandons you, without remorse. When he had no one to turn to I still helped him. But he did not care. He went through a bypass procedure. He weaponized it. When my mother died, he insulted her on microphone at the viewing. My sister disowned him. Still, he did not change. I've never had any real issue with the 'good vs. evil' binary. It has been dealing with this 'compassion vs. wisdom' binary that is difficult. I will make one last attempt at compassion. If my father will not be positive I will leave him behind.

I allowed my father to convince me I was worthless. For a long time I was self destructive. I had to deal, also, with the years of time and money I lost. It has been a real climb to learn to love myself and stop caring about what I lost. I suppose I have just answered my question about having those gifts. I'm physically no different than a youth without women and kids. I am grateful. I might still learn what it's like to be in love.

I'd like to get into the Creator's intervention later. I want to stop writing for the night.

Thanks for all who listen.

[RitaJC]

Welcome to this community, Tim!

[flofrog]

Welcome here Algolson, this is a lovely place

[Diana]

Welcome AgolSon. I find a lot of your story familiar. 

I'll be interested to hear about "the Creator's intervention. "

[hounsic]

Welcome AgolSon.

[AnthroHeart]

Welcome.

[AlgolSon]

Thank you all! I have begun reading the Ra material from the beginning rather than skipping through. I've already found an explanation for my youthfulness and more over, my mother's youthfulness. I age just as she did. Before she left the world at the age of 52 she appeared to be only in her late 20's. We were often mistaken as a couple! Gross, hahaha! We didn't communicate much, we could just feel what the other felt. I have had some serious downs in life and have had negative reactions. She, on the other hand, never once had adverse reactions. She never held a negative thought. Her family life was very sad and she married my father right out of high school. Never in her life did she have a break from the negative, yet never did she succumb, and she spread love everywhere. She was as solitary as a man and spoke little, yet her funeral was attended by hundreds of people, a most whom I didn't know. Perhaps she was a distant wanderer. Perhaps it was her final 3rd density in moksha. She, like myself, did not consciously focus on the inner world. I was fortunate to be able to speak to her in my dreams for some time after her death. My father and sister held negative emotions and were not able to communicate. My mourning process was much easier. I skipped the denial, anger, and bargaining and experienced only the depression and acceptance. I was not angry at the Creator because I knew when she died. It was at night for me, thousands of miles away. I had already been depressed for a few days. I walked outside to look at the sky and saw a shooting star. The phone call came just before Easter Mass. I learned later that my mother had visited the Church just before her death. She had taken pictures and been seen there by a close family friend who recounted that her clothes were purple. There's a bit more to this. I'll take a break now. I have many stories. I'm happy I've found a place to share them. They are 'stranger than fiction' as the saying goes and the average human gets disturbed.

Thank you, everyone!

[AlgolSon]

My mother's death was actually the beginning of my liberation. A great weight was lifted. I knew at that point there was a great power at work. I understood there was life after death and that my 'psychic' energies were very real. I had them as a child but had shut them down in my high school years. An important part of my development was experiencing the harassment of negative entities in my early grade school years. It was because of them I feared death at the tender age six. My contemplations of the afterlife began very early. Those things were real crapheads, but I'm grateful I was able to work with fear so young. It compelled me to think deeper about life and I had my mother to run to and hug me. She never comforted me with theology or suggestions, just gave me the love I needed. I think this is a good place to stop again. It leads into a few more experiences that led to the Creator's intervention. It was after this intervention that the Ra material became real to me, for he describes that only the Creator can manifest through your feet. That is precisely what happened.

I'll be picking up some wine. I write much better with it. I suppose it is my form of meditation. I can do something like automatic writing with it's aid but still be conscious of what I'm doing. I don't have to zone out.

Namaste, All!

[Foha]

AgolSon, welcome.
I really related to your experiences and what I imagined from your stories is an amazingly vibrant life.
I envy those with the chance to become your friend.

[AlgolSon]

AgolSon, welcome.
I really related to your experiences and what I imagined from your stories is an amazingly vibrant life.
I envy those with the chance to become your friend.

Don't be envious. I am just like you: a piece of experience. I don't make friends. I have only one friend from childhood. All others are strange. We could not be friends. I relate, now. I would have to meet you, on accident, and then talk with you. And, even then, we couldn't be friends. I am friends with my few because the Creator has prevented more. I can't explain more than that. It doesn't make sense to me, either. I just know my feelings.

You, are myself, too. You can feel what I have felt. I have acted goodness to the world. I have been Good to others and tempted them to risk.

Jump!

[AlgolSon]

There is no death. Life is suffering. That is the point of living. Will you make others suffer? What will you teach? Will you teach the world or heaven? Can you feel that heaven has no taxes? When energy is infinite, there is no control. There is only love.

[Foha]

Your mother inspires me. I wish I could live with ignorance of my past lives and still have the faith to be the light when everything seems hopelessly sad.

[flofrog]

but you still are Foha, I am pretty sure

[AlgolSon]

Ah! I went through a period of being hopeless. It was very denigrating. That was beyond my personal experience. I could see and feel how people had lost themselves -- submitted to the finite. They could not feel that there was a beautiful universe! They could not even feel themselves. I thought about suicide, myself, but I refused to submit.

I had the angel of my mother, though, and the devil of my father. I was given a binary from birth. The 'sorrow' as Ra calls it.

Though I became what most call 'alcoholic', it was just a way to release my negativity, because I am '"too cool for school". I do not harm others. I feel guilty about eating meat, even. But I live in America and the vegetables here are bad.

I only stay where I am out of compassion. I want to leave. I want to be selfish, move to my country, and grow my own food. I want to bask in the sun everyday and make love to a beautiful woman. I do not want to be here at all. But I feel a duty to stay. I cry, now, not out of pity but sorrow.

My selfishness is small. The duty is grand. I know there is a universe. A beautiful one. One where you can feel the cosmos and fly away! A place where you will not need vessels because you will not even need wings! A place that is all places!

Though I choose not to remember, I can feel Good, and Love, and Wonder! I can feel the Creator and myself, and everyone as One.

[AlgolSon]

I am crying deeply, now. 'Sorrow' is my only expression. But I have a duty to be strong. I have only this duty: to teach that there is Wonder! That imagination is not a fairy tale! That certainty is perverse! That the unknown is the only constant. That trust is better than faith.

[AlgolSon]

Love is more than faith. Love is greater than God. Love is more than light. Love is our Universe.