Help...

[smc]

Hi Y'all - Posting here because I checked with C_A to see how he's going - and it's not so good.

He's still really 'stuck' energetically, energy-stamina wise; his mother is engaging in very toxic behaviour, and his feelings are really bruised from this thread and his life on the whole.

If any of us feel moved to do so - send him the softest loving energies of acceptance and solidarity; kindness and strength.

He's very brave to have been so open here - and to have held on against such difficult catalyst for so much of his life.

It would be so good if this community could brainstorm some way of actively and at a practical level, helping and sharing support for each other.
Could we set up a thread with a monitored blog so that a person could check in with us daily during their hardest times - and we be a team of cheerleaders/ideas people/counsellors etc specifically for that person ? Sort of like an interactive blog calendar - so say C_A could write how his day went what ideas he tried from the advice given the day before etc etc... how he's feeling... like personal trainers "spotting" a person with their 'weights'...

I know we've been trying to do that with this thread; and a person can only be helped as much as they are ready for/or align with solutions... but it saddens me that b4 could be a place of helping and yet is more an ideas, arguing, intellectualised, combative forum of spiritual discussion.

when you look at the millions of words written over the years and the effort all that takes - wouldn't it be good if b4 was actually a place were a wanderer could come and feel unconditionally accepted and safe and get HELP.

?

ps: I DO include myself as culpable in the interactions that have been negative and unhelpful for members... (with the caveat that b4 so often requires me to be so freaking defensive/self protective that I'm not able to safely express my goofy, loving, happy self here.)

(It's the last place I want to be when I'm feeling vulnerable... when it could be (should be) the FIRST place to go when feeling vulnerable.)

C_A? can we create a support 'team' for you? *goes to check if C_A has a blog on b4*

[rva_jeremy]

I'm game for anything that helps. Thanks for checking in on him, SMC, that is really cool of you.

[SRGFourth]

I am somewhat saddened by some of the responses on here. Perhaps we should all take a moment to reflect on the fact that none of us were born knowing how to deal with this life, and that our reason isn't always sufficient to the challenges at hand.

I would like to add to this thread some thoughts I have been meditating on for a few days.

The Law is very, very simple. It is we who complicate it.

Forgiving yourself is very, very difficult. It is the key to finding peace.

Forgiving yourself while still judging yourself is impossible.
Yes, you know the path. Yes, you will fail at times. Yes, it is difficult.

C_A... Please, find a way to forgive yourself all the imperfections you have. You are eternal, and perfect, and simply in the midst of a "class" that has incredibly difficult subject matter for you. It's going to be okay.

I, too, often have a clear picture of my own faults. I smoke cigarettes, and I can't even stand them. I quit every morning, some days more successfully than others. I know and can list for you all of the horrible side effects, the blockages of energy, the social consequences, the money drain.. and yet, I fail nearly every day in my effort to quit.

Will this persist? Likely, yes, for some time. Will it end? Absolutely - one way or another. Do I have any idea when I will finally let it go for good? Not a single damned clue.

Please, C_A, try to live in just the moment. If you can just love yourself right -now-, and temporarily let go of the regrets of the past, or the anxieties of the future, then maybe you can see how amazing you really are.

You seem to have a keen eye for insight. The world needs that, my friend.

I humbly request that you learn to forgive yourself so that you might one day help me forgive myself. I know, because it is clear in this thread alone, that you are deeply loved and appreciated in ways you don't yet see. For those of us who seem always to circle back around to our own willpower, and can never truly find the answers in another person's words or thoughts... I believe it is we who must face the fires of hell, endure our scars, and stand as testament to the power of self-forgiveness.

Only you can forgive yourself. I hope, and pray, that you do.


(Remember - one of Ra's most important admonitions was that "there are no mistakes". We who are entangled with the Devil are the only ones who have the chance to learn how to rise above him.)

[Diana]

when you look at the millions of words written over the years and the effort all that takes - wouldn't it be good if b4 was actually a place were a wanderer could come and feel unconditionally accepted and safe and get HELP.

The problem is that it's all subjective. What is safe? A place of absolute unconditional love would be safe. And yet, just being your authentic self can be offensive if you are outside the box. Some might see out-of-the-box perspectives as offensive just because they conflict with their own ideas. I encounter this unendingly just because I'm vegan (not because I promote it), and I have also because I don't engage in media and have never watched TV. You might say that talking about those things is better not done, and yet, it seems to always come out one way or the other, and, is it being authentic to hide it?

I think balancing the whole dynamic interaction here is more like thrusters just trying to keep this ship from disaster. Because of free will, free speech, 3D constructs and the veil, etc., and everyone trying to forge their own paths, censorship can be problematic.

The level of maturity and detachment needed for what you are asking is very great. If people are coming here for healing, then who would be the ones unconditionally accepting them with no opinions or perspectives as we are all trying to negotiate along our own paths? I am struggling with articulating this, but we all have distortions, so how to overcome them and be the way you suggest? We all, I think, endeavor to unconditionally love, but who do you know who has really achieved this beyond sporadically? So the end result is, in my opinion, that your idea is good but impractical.

I would love to get your feedback on my ramblings.

[rva_jeremy]

I find myself agreeing with your analysis significantly, Diana, and yet… might we aspire to the goal of making B4 a welcoming and safe place? Even if we know we'll miss the mark? Yes, it's the blind leading the blind as you very correctly pointed out, but isn't that always the score in third density? What if we set a community intention otherwise?

I like SMC's idea not because I think it's practical to "just go do it". Rather, I think of it like this: what if all of us here decided that taking care of wanderers was a primary mission of ours? What would change about how we think about the forum, how we organize it, etc.?

I would encourage those who are interested in this idea to not wait for any formal organization or permission. Make a commitment to yourself to be your best self here and to be helpful. How we behave here matters, not because we're all equipped to help all the time, but because there's so much hurt out there.

There are simple things you can do that can change your interactions here for the better. For instance: always wait to respond to posts, especially ones that are emotionally charged, until you've given yourself a chance to digest it. Anytime you feel the need to "come back" quickly, you can catch yourself (here much more easily than IRL) and give yourself 5 minutes to reflect on how you really want to respond. And you're going to make mistakes and that's fine, but a commitment to reflect on your actions will help you learn what really contributes to your and the group's health and what does not.

The more I think about it, the more I believe that B4 doesn't have to be a typical forum. Yes, people have problems with the dynamics here, yours truly included, but that makes it all the better a place to train up on service-to-others.

[Diana]

I find myself agreeing with your analysis significantly, Diana, and yet… might we aspire to the goal of making B4 a welcoming and safe place?  Even if we know we'll miss the mark?  Yes, it's the blind leading the blind as you very correctly pointed out, but isn't that always the score in third density?  What if we set a community intention otherwise?

I guess I want to think we already do, but for the reasons I stated it is difficult given the nature of humans and this world.

What about a B4 council? It would be like a board for a company. There would be some members appointed to actually do the welcoming. They wouldn't be responsible for monitoring, as that gets into the realm of "fixing, controlling, etc." They would only be there to interject the unconditional love you speak of, with no desire to either non-authentically baby anyone or give biased advice. I'm brainstorming here. The council would need maturity, wisdom, detachment, intention of service, and the widest possible compassion.

I do think that while we offer a safe place, there still must be freedom here for catalyst to surface. And therein lies the gray area. Catalyst is not just on one side of the equation.

[rva_jeremy]

I guess I want to think we already do, but for the reasons I stated it is difficult given the nature of humans and this world.

That's a fair point. "Everybody's doing the very best they can" is pretty much my motto in life of late.

Yeah, a council of some kind would be cool. I'd like to think of it as a welcoming committee, folks that make a proactive effort to greet newcomers, identify those in need of help, and do what we can to "safen up" our forums. I do think anybody taking up this project should consider ruling out any behavior on one's part that is discouraging, reprimanding, etc. To me, that's the moderator's job if it needs to be done at all. Our job is not to yell at litterers, but instead to just pick up the trash, if that's a good analogy -- a solely helpful influence that is not conditional on a mood, character of behavior, etc. prevailing in the forums. Over time, the idea is that setting this example would create the kind of culture I think we all want, without anybody needing to assert themselves on anybody else.

I do think that while we offer a safe place, there still must be freedom here for catalyst to surface. And therein lies the gray area. Catalyst is not just on one side of the equation.

I am 110% with you on that position, but I'm kind of tired of litigating it. The folks who feel alienated feel alienated; the folks who don't feel alienated don't. The discussion tends to center around policy (and I have contributed to this) in a way that doesn't really add to the spirit of what's valuable here.

I certainly don't think we can make this a catalyst-free space, nor would I want to! I would like to experiment with approaches that allow for catalyst to recognized as such, so that participating here becomes a kind of practice for dealing with catalyst in real life.

I want to reiterate that I don't think we need to organize anything formally here; it's nice to share ideas about, but ultimately if you agree with any aspect of what any of us are suggesting, start making your participation here an example!

[Diana]

 Our job is not to yell at litterers, but instead to just pick up the trash, if that's a good analogy -- a solely helpful influence that is not conditional on a mood, character of behavior, etc. prevailing in the forums.  Over time, the idea is that setting this example would create the kind of culture I think we all want, without anybody needing to assert themselves on anybody else.

This is an excellent analogy, and I really live by this concept.  

The exception for me is philosophical discussion when I can have it. I like to stretch my mind and I have little opportunity outside my own head. My thinking is too outside-the-box, and I am grateful for this venue of free discussion.