*trigger* beware need advice

[Monica]

Sorry in advance if this is inappropriate,

Seeking advice is never inappropriate! We are here for you! I haven't read the rest of the posts yet, so I might be jumping in too late, but here is my opinion:

I would most definitely go talk to him. BUT, before I went, I would spend some time in meditation and apply the technique Ra advised us to use: Take a few minutes, when you have privacy, to really feel the negative emotions. In a harmless way, alone, where you can't take it out on anyone, just allow those feelings of fear, anger and hate to intensify and be expressed. Hit a punching bag or a pillow, or scream, or some other physical release, for just a few minutes, if you feel like you're going to burst from the pent up emotions.

After just a few minutes of this, make a conscious choice to balance those negative emotions with their polar opposite: LOVE/compassion/forgiveness. You might not feel it at first. Do it anyway. Just choose it. CHOOSE to love and forgive your grandfather. CHOOSE to have compassion for him. He probably got molested too when he was a child. That doesn't excuse it, but it does help to explain it. Psychologists are well aware that sexual molestation of children often gets passed on from generation to generation. This does NOT mean that every child who got molested ends up being a molester himself!! But it does mean that nearly all molesters were molested as children. It is up to you NOW to break that chain! We know from Ra that forgiveness breaks the cycle of karma. You know that you must forgive him, but you don't feel like it right now because you still are carrying all that pain. The pain must be confronted and released. That is the purpose of the technique Ra gave us. By allowing yourself to feel that pain/fear/anger/hatred, it gets expression in a harmless way (by hitting a pillow instead of a person) and THEN it is much easier to get into a place of love/forgiveness/compassion.

So I would do the technique. I have used it before and it really does work! At first, I didn't feel the love, but by making the CHOICE to love/forgive, it DOES happen! Then, after doing the technique, you can go visit your grandfather in a state of forgiveness. Even if you're not totally in a state of love, even if you're still feeling anger and hate, at least you would have started the process. He might not remember, he might deny it, OR he might be very relieved to be given an opportunity to own up to his own actions.

Remember, all souls presently incarnate were allowed to incarnate by seniority, based on who had the best chance of polarizing. Your grandfather is nearing death and by bringing this out into the open, it might be a beautiful gift you give him: The opportunity to make amends. He can't fully make amends on his deathbed, but he can start that process. Who knows? By showing such courage and compassion to him, you might be able to break the karmic bond between you, and assist the polarization of both of you!

So, I would do the technique, and affirm that your intention is to forgive him, even if you don't feel it yet. Just stay focused on that intention. Then I would go see him, and start out by asking him if he remembers. Then I would gently but firmly tell him what happened, and how much it hurt you. But here's the important part: Don't stop there. It's crucial that you tell him you want to forgive him! Even if you're not totally there yet, let him know that that's your intention and you are working on it. Tell him you now have a spiritual foundation that you live by, and you recognize that he must have been hurting too, to inflict pain on a child. Reach out to HIS inner child, who was most certainly abused also. If you can't have compassion for the old man, see if you can muster up some compassion for the little child that is inside him. Because, guaranteed, HIS inner child was abused, and is still in there, still in pain. By reaching out to HIS inner child, you will help heal YOUR inner child. Because, all is ONE!

If your hate for him is so strong that you don't trust yourself to be around him alone, then ask someone to go with you. Make it clear to them that your intention isn't to distress a dying old man. That's why you want to use Ra's technique to clear the hate beforehand, so it doesn't come pouring out at him. You don't want to vomit all over him. Just talk to him. Stay calm. Gentle but firm.

If he denies it, then he isn't ready to deal with it, and his unresolved karma will follow him into his next life. But YOU can clear YOUR karmic connection to this pattern, even if he doesn't! He'll just have to find someone else to engage in this pattern, because you will have cleared it and moved on.

He might be senile and truly not remember consciously. But he will know, on some level. If he isn't conscious, you can still talk to him. His soul will know. You can still clear the karma on your end, without his participation. But talking to him in person is an act of service, because you are giving HIM an opportunity to heal also, not just yourself.

I will hold you and him in my prayers. Please let us know what happens! If you decide to talk to him, you may still benefit from some therapy afterward to help yourself heal. I have some suggestions on that too, if you'd like to hear them. But for now, the important thing is to talk to your grandfather while you still can.