*trigger* beware need advice

[Confused]

Update on my previous post: Hi, just an update on my previous post. I had an open discussion with my mother and apologized clearly for all the mistakes I did. She said she forgives me and asked me only to construct a wall so that the past does not keep hampering and downgrading my present and my future. Now, the task is not to relapse, ever. At times, I feel sad that the abused need to be under the 'mercy' of the abusers, since they are usually more 'powerful' within a given context. In my case, I am going to make sure that I am going to stay firm on my commitment of honoring and respecting my mother, as a way of alleviating my karma over the way I have behaved with her so far. Thanks for opening this thread and discussing such a painful matter. It helps. It really is quite a distance from just talking the talk and walking the walk.