Life, Drugs and self-destruction

[Cyan]

This is one of the biggest issues of my life, and I've never seen anybody from this crowd ever refer to it.

Well now, those days are over, I'd say.

I've been high every single day that i've been on B4 except for short few day pauses when i was recuperating or had just ran out (none of which in the past 2 months or so) and i've also been here while on DMT/Mushrooms/LSD.

I've been high or wanting to get high or super irritated if not high for the past year and 4 months.

But i've been suicidally depressed and having random heart palpitations and panic attacks for 15 years before that due to a.... faulty viewpoint....

So, choosing randomly walking down the street and feeling like i have a heart attack

or

People saying i may smell bad and possibly be at times slightly incoherant (I have an IQ of 145-150 so i'm always in general incoherant by normal estimate, but when they notice i'm high they think its because i'm high that i'm incoherant.) No, i'm incoherant because i have to put about 5-15 layers worth of human conciousness effort not to instantly and irrevocably think all people i ran into are idiots of the highest magnitude for taking life in the slightest seriously. Which ofcourse impairs my ability to take life seriously.

Mostly that people around me are so stupendously stupid by comparison it is unbeliavable.

and i say this not to appear smug, because its a massive curse in reality.

But the difference between my sober for 3 months and focused on intelligence self that I am and have been for 25+ years

And

your normal self.

Is greater

Than your normal self

And Forrest Gump (quite a bit too).

More accurately

It is the difference on average, between the smartest primates with hand gestures and their average human handlers (smartest handlers being smarter than me, obviously).

Its not that human itneraction i feel is meaningles,s far from it, its just that when you mention something like.

"oh, i think the world has a problem with its electricity system"

I want to smash my head on the desk so hard that i literally have to imagine several astral selves holding me back because my "ego" would do it.

Because we have no problem. You, alone, any individual posting here, if you committed the resources and time as I or anyone of relative skill level would put out for a flowchart plan for you to follow, step by step, to solve the world electricity problem, you would not, as an individual undertake said path.

And I quarantee you that any seeker here will know what I'm referring to, as it is a neccesary part of the pre-ascension life, they cant follow your flowcharts.

Well, i cant categorically say CANT. But i have never in my life seen a member of a lower intelligence group willingly (besides myself as a example here, but thats for another time) submit to a member of a higher intelligence group as part time moment to moment member until resigned.

Usually lower groups isolate due to self pressure and fear and dont interact because they dont want to itneract and not because interaction is not available.

That is to say, for people like me, its not that I dont want to interact with people such as the people I meet on a daily basis. I simply cant. My defence for the moment is that I am still in school and i cant make money, any money, legally. And i wish to graduate because school is something you only get to go through once in your whole billion zillion gwadillion year experience... You know what i mean with the perspective and the longevity research and the time and the cryonics and so on.

But people who work, on a daily basis, at meanial jobs and put in 40 hours a day and then complain about it, i despise such people so fully that its un beliavable.

But i suppose, its accetable, some people simply wish to spread hate and vitrol around them by complaining and such is their role.

But when such complains turns to others I simply smile inside and die a little and let the conversation go its meaningless route.

"oh, we should really fix up the neighbourhood"

"oh yes we should"

"if only we didnt have jobs"

*sighs*

Such people fill me up with such a unholy rage that it makes me want to just sit here and cry.

Anyway. Its not that the world economy is or isnt something, that is an entirely irrelevant question. Its that the average intelligence of the men and women i interact with on this great experiment called earth. Have trouble finding food, shelter, clothes, warmth, water, bathing, waste removal and entertainement facilities to their liking after 20.000 years of evolution to such a degree that they might stop and take stock of their life and simply help others to such a realization of wow, what a wonderful colorful world we live in.

Dunno. Such people, just, i dont understand them you know.

We have all these problems, i mean. "we produce waste" WHAT? What the heck is "waste" are you referring to municipal garbage, that stuff thats per ton 70% safe to burn 25% metals and 5% only needing further attention. That stuff that is as pure for energy as crude oil is and as metal rich as the richest of the richest mines in the history of the earth. And we think its a PROBLEM? Jesus christ people, its a problem we have massive amounts of extra energy and metals floating around and no idea where to put them. What are you saying people?

Then these people that complain we dont have enough energy.

WHAT?

I mean DOUBLE TEEE ÄFF?

Give me one pacific ocean island and 100 millions and i'll produce more than 10 fukushimas worth of electricity with no radiation or help me God you may castrate me on the spot.

What is wrong with these people that think we have problems?

What the heck can we do to convince them that the sollutions are sooooo simple, but if some one person comes and does it, you'll end up worshipping him/her. I can only do so much before i end up being in violation and get kicked out of my own viewpoint

So, yeah.

I think I know what you mean.

My advice.

Dont sweat it.

Its all good.