please help

[ayadew]

My friends. I have gone to a therapist which helped me. I think one of the main lessons of all this is that one should not be afraid to ask for help. I tried to fix all of this by myself and the guides within me, but then I denied many paths of how this help might have been recieved. As I went to the outside world for help it suddenly appeared in form of this therapist who is a very spiritual and knowledgable man.

This also helped me to see that my entire problem was not in the negative fractal itself, it was in my obsession in trying to make sense of it all. I wanted control so desperately. My LSD experience showed me, in the most brutal way, that I am not in control and will never be in this life.
Nothing Is Known, nothing can be understood in this life. It is a fundamental paradox which is best represented by the fractal structure. Whichever way you move in it another mystery is unfolding infinitely. I could simply not stand this. But I think I do now.

So, I realize I cannot understand everything in the world. But I can still appreciate the beauty in it. I can love and forever be amazed. I think this is true happiness. To just be content with what you have. I know I will understand everything someday, but not today. I think I can be content with that.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
It's funny how long it can take to see the cause when you're all busy with the symptoms..