(02-21-2010, 04:40 PM)Peregrinus Wrote: To be clear, I am talking about the three big ones, heroin, crack, and meth.
Wouldn't you also include alcohol in that list?
(02-21-2010, 04:40 PM)Peregrinus Wrote: Questioner said this young man sat there and smoked a bowl before going to bed while talking to him. Does that sound like someone who has hit their bottom? ...ready for the biggest change and the most difficult commitment he has ever made in his life?
I don't know. I wasn't there. What if he had had a glass of wine, or a cigarette, or a bowl of ice cream, instead of the weed?
(02-21-2010, 04:40 PM)Peregrinus Wrote: If he is ready, he will fight tooth and nail for it. When the addict has made the choice by gaining the need, there is no doubt, and I mean NO DOUBT whatsoever.
What brings them to that point? We've established that the young man had childhood trauma. What makes addicts suddenly decide to quit? Could it be that they are ready to quit when they've healed that trauma? (at least to some degree)
If so, then wouldn't it be beneficial to assist in the healing process, if possible? In other words, instead of trying to help the kid quit drugs, why not try to help heal the trauma, which might actually work on the root cause of the addiction? It sounded to me like the kid was seeking help with the root cause, not the addiction. The addiction is just a symptom of a deeper issue. Of course they will return to the addiction, if they try to quit before resolving the deeper issue that caused the addiction in the first place!
Tough love isn't going to resolve the deeper issue or heal the trauma. Neither is jail time. So of course they just return to the addiction. The addiction is preferable to the pain they feel from the trauma. Even the tough love or jail time is preferable. They need coping skills. The underlying causes must be addressed.
I submit for your consideration: Those who finally chose to get clean did so because somehow, because of life's catalyst, they were able to get some degree of healing on their deeper issues. Then, making the choice to quit was possible. It was still difficult, but the underlying cause had been neutralized.
(02-21-2010, 05:17 PM)Lorna Wrote: the synchronicities you describe would certainly suggest that his encounter with you was significant, but you have no responsibility for his life, his circumstances, his choices and the outcome of his choices. it can be very challenging to be that lighthouse and yet to stay unattached to the outcome
I agree! My suggestion is to be a lighthouse, but stay unattached, and do not feel responsible for the outcome.