Interesting development (Addictions)

[Questioner]

Monica, I agree that many unhappy behaviors fit into the broad definition we're using of addiction. Including some behaviors that by themselves could seem innocuous. And some known to be harmful when done in excess, but socially acceptable. Probably including some daily life challenges that many of us on the forum deal with.

I don't have behaviors that would merit a substance abuse treatment program. But just as anyone, I can turn at times to negative attitudes and unwise choices... even when I know better, just to evade being present with my own pain. When I say that someone seems to be driven compulsively to fill their inner emptiness, this is not to sit in judgment over them. It is to acknowledge that this daily challenge of the human condition for many of us seems to be hard for them too. I can empathize.

I want to make a distinction that I think your comments might have merged together. To say that someone's behavior shows addiction doesn't mean that I hopelessly wash my hands of them. Instead, it is a sign that extra caution is needed. They are drifting towards the rocks. I don't need to show my love by jumping into the whitecaps so that I might go down with them.

If there is a way I can offer the service of light and love through my caring conversation, I will. If there is a way I can offer practical help, I will. I'm learning how to set healthier limits. Sometimes people want the thrill of knocking the lighthouse off its foundation, so that they and others can explore the meaning of painful shipwreck. As soon as this seems to be the situation, I won't make myself available for that service.

Maybe they mean well but I just can't reach them now - I think that's the kid's case. Maybe they don't and wish to enjoy the dark without distraction - as some other people I've known, who seemed to me to be highly STS focused.

I'm not trying to win a debate

Actually, the insistence on that point, several times in a row, can kind of come across that way. P has shared some of his own deeply painful, traumatic experiences. He's seen the same painful patterns in the experiences he's seen others go through. He's learned about such situations (e.g. from the cops).

As a result of all he's learned, he sees extraordinary risks inherent in trying to help addicts. He's deeply concerned for those of light who may get sucked into dark corners they're not able to illuminate, given the limits of free will.

With great respect and gratitude, I see P's cautionary warnings as similar to someone who nearly died of food poisoning, lost their family to it, and now wants to remind everyone to keep the kitchen very, very clean. A discussion of how a little bit of grease might not hurt some people really kind of misses the point. He's advocating, as a rule of thumb, staying a continent away from the volcano, instead of trying to measure how many millimeters away is safe. I don't think you're advocating danger either, just a different perspective from your own experience. It does come across a bit like the Gilbert & Sullivan routine:
"What never?" "No never!"
"What never?" "No never!"
"What never?" "Well...hardly ever!"
(from "I am the Captain" in "HMS Pinafore")