Trapped

[zimboombafoo]

Hello everyone, I am new to this board..I found it by googling "wanderers who commit suicide" as I have been having many of those thoughts lately (they have been extremely common in my 26.5 years here and have made several failed attempts at it, including one recently). My family has given up on me, my friends who I had leading up to this point have mostly split paths with me and I am currently living in a hotel room until my savings account is diminished and then I will be homeless (for the first time in my life). The only thing that is keeping me going is the possibility of this new world during this time and my yearning for it...luckily I have wifi access for my laptop here so I can use the internet from my room. I am not sure what to do at this point, I feel like I am waiting for something to happen (in terms of NESARA or some sort of "event" that is most likely not imminent) and the other half of me is wanting to throw the blow dryer in the bathtub with me because I can't escape the pain. I'm not posting this for pity purposes (pity from others does nothing for me) but merely because I feel completely trapped. When I googled the "wanderers who commit suicide" it was not with the knowledge of myself being a wanderer by just the possibility. (Many descriptions of wanderers seem to resonate with me with reflection of my life and the ways I've lived it so maybe it's within the range of a possibility). I shouldn't be feeling this way but I feel at a dead end with no where to run (nor the energy for it) and unless something magical happens I just don't know what I am going to do. Thanks all!