I am consumed by fear, and it is keeping me from doing as I choose. I choose to become mySelf, but I fear failure.
It's not as bad as it used to be. I used to be a hermit, afraid of everyone out there (for about 5 years). I used to feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck while I was washing dishes. And during this time, I used to be obese, self medicating with food.
The fear doesn't "just creep up from the ground and pile itself higher and higher." The fear total and solid and is a constant companion. I did not know that I "must get on the other side of the wall." I knew instead, that I would always be worthless and terrified.
Then, one day, out of nowhere, a thought arrived. A very simple thought: "I am lovable." That, in a moment, changed everything. Nothing gradual, no "waiting for fear to dissipate," just a sudden click, and an ability to breathe.
You ask: "What valuable experiences and indeed "lessons" are these, here on earth?" Simple my friend: The value is soul growth, involving understanding and patience and empathy. I understand insanity and misery and the power of love. This understanding could be intellectual, but would never be heartfelt without my personal experience within it.
Fighting with fear, strengthens the fear.
Another fascinating lesson is about anger. Angry people are often terrified because they are not in full control of their circumstances or their lives. When I meet or observe anyones fury towards anyone or anything, my immediate reaction is a loving pity, and an understanding. When you feel that you have no control over your life, anger seems to feel like the best defense.
When engulfed in fear, your anger is usually expressed privately: while sitting on your sofa, or while walking the dog, your anger is expressed silently, in your mind, furious and yelling at someone or something, and creating the illusion of control.
And yes, Firewind, as you say, this fear is often (and was in my case) caused by a past life experience.
Firewind, you are an immortal soul who needs to experience both light and darkness in order to learn and grow. You are lovable, and you are loved, and you are never alone. Those beings who love you are your Spirit Guides and Teachers and Elders and Family, (though some may now be manifest human or animal).
rie has it right:
So now I live in a normal appearing (short and small and old) body. Now I look back at the terror with appreciation. And now I am exercising my plans to realize mySelf. And now I recognize how easy it is to find something else that needs to be done first. But, knowing that time isn't real, I can find humor as I manage to respect my intent. And now I better understand what lurks behind anger.
I began this thread with: I am consumed by fear, and it is keeping me from doing as I choose. I choose to become mySelf, but I fear failure.
While that is still somewhat true, it is also true that now I can detach and observe it. Now I can understand it. And now I can move on.
I am consumed by fear, and it is keeping me from doing as I choose. I choose to become mySelf, but I fear failure.
It's not as bad as it used to be. I used to be a hermit, afraid of everyone out there (for about 5 years). I used to feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck while I was washing dishes. And during this time, I used to be obese, self medicating with food.
The fear doesn't "just creep up from the ground and pile itself higher and higher." The fear total and solid and is a constant companion. I did not know that I "must get on the other side of the wall." I knew instead, that I would always be worthless and terrified.
Then, one day, out of nowhere, a thought arrived. A very simple thought: "I am lovable." That, in a moment, changed everything. Nothing gradual, no "waiting for fear to dissipate," just a sudden click, and an ability to breathe.
You ask: "What valuable experiences and indeed "lessons" are these, here on earth?" Simple my friend: The value is soul growth, involving understanding and patience and empathy. I understand insanity and misery and the power of love. This understanding could be intellectual, but would never be heartfelt without my personal experience within it.
Fighting with fear, strengthens the fear.
Another fascinating lesson is about anger. Angry people are often terrified because they are not in full control of their circumstances or their lives. When I meet or observe anyones fury towards anyone or anything, my immediate reaction is a loving pity, and an understanding. When you feel that you have no control over your life, anger seems to feel like the best defense.
When engulfed in fear, your anger is usually expressed privately: while sitting on your sofa, or while walking the dog, your anger is expressed silently, in your mind, furious and yelling at someone or something, and creating the illusion of control.
And yes, Firewind, as you say, this fear is often (and was in my case) caused by a past life experience.
Firewind, you are an immortal soul who needs to experience both light and darkness in order to learn and grow. You are lovable, and you are loved, and you are never alone. Those beings who love you are your Spirit Guides and Teachers and Elders and Family, (though some may now be manifest human or animal).
rie has it right:
So now I live in a normal appearing (short and small and old) body. Now I look back at the terror with appreciation. And now I am exercising my plans to realize mySelf. And now I recognize how easy it is to find something else that needs to be done first. But, knowing that time isn't real, I can find humor as I manage to respect my intent. And now I better understand what lurks behind anger.
I began this thread with: I am consumed by fear, and it is keeping me from doing as I choose. I choose to become mySelf, but I fear failure.
While that is still somewhat true, it is also true that now I can detach and observe it. Now I can understand it. And now I can move on.
Don't know why that repeated. Could be my computer ?
It's not as bad as it used to be. I used to be a hermit, afraid of everyone out there (for about 5 years). I used to feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck while I was washing dishes. And during this time, I used to be obese, self medicating with food.
The fear doesn't "just creep up from the ground and pile itself higher and higher." The fear total and solid and is a constant companion. I did not know that I "must get on the other side of the wall." I knew instead, that I would always be worthless and terrified.
Then, one day, out of nowhere, a thought arrived. A very simple thought: "I am lovable." That, in a moment, changed everything. Nothing gradual, no "waiting for fear to dissipate," just a sudden click, and an ability to breathe.
You ask: "What valuable experiences and indeed "lessons" are these, here on earth?" Simple my friend: The value is soul growth, involving understanding and patience and empathy. I understand insanity and misery and the power of love. This understanding could be intellectual, but would never be heartfelt without my personal experience within it.
Fighting with fear, strengthens the fear.
Another fascinating lesson is about anger. Angry people are often terrified because they are not in full control of their circumstances or their lives. When I meet or observe anyones fury towards anyone or anything, my immediate reaction is a loving pity, and an understanding. When you feel that you have no control over your life, anger seems to feel like the best defense.
When engulfed in fear, your anger is usually expressed privately: while sitting on your sofa, or while walking the dog, your anger is expressed silently, in your mind, furious and yelling at someone or something, and creating the illusion of control.
And yes, Firewind, as you say, this fear is often (and was in my case) caused by a past life experience.
Firewind, you are an immortal soul who needs to experience both light and darkness in order to learn and grow. You are lovable, and you are loved, and you are never alone. Those beings who love you are your Spirit Guides and Teachers and Elders and Family, (though some may now be manifest human or animal).
rie has it right:
Quote:perhaps that fear was part of the journey of discovery, of seeking. We may understand the catalyst(s) underlying such anxiety/fear and see the wisdom in anxiety/fear (thus development of understanding and acceptance of self). The stone wall maybe dismantled block by block... the cliff may be rather shallow when we are able to observe it more closely... the metal door that prevents us from going forward may be opened...
So now I live in a normal appearing (short and small and old) body. Now I look back at the terror with appreciation. And now I am exercising my plans to realize mySelf. And now I recognize how easy it is to find something else that needs to be done first. But, knowing that time isn't real, I can find humor as I manage to respect my intent. And now I better understand what lurks behind anger.
I began this thread with: I am consumed by fear, and it is keeping me from doing as I choose. I choose to become mySelf, but I fear failure.
While that is still somewhat true, it is also true that now I can detach and observe it. Now I can understand it. And now I can move on.
I am consumed by fear, and it is keeping me from doing as I choose. I choose to become mySelf, but I fear failure.
It's not as bad as it used to be. I used to be a hermit, afraid of everyone out there (for about 5 years). I used to feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck while I was washing dishes. And during this time, I used to be obese, self medicating with food.
The fear doesn't "just creep up from the ground and pile itself higher and higher." The fear total and solid and is a constant companion. I did not know that I "must get on the other side of the wall." I knew instead, that I would always be worthless and terrified.
Then, one day, out of nowhere, a thought arrived. A very simple thought: "I am lovable." That, in a moment, changed everything. Nothing gradual, no "waiting for fear to dissipate," just a sudden click, and an ability to breathe.
You ask: "What valuable experiences and indeed "lessons" are these, here on earth?" Simple my friend: The value is soul growth, involving understanding and patience and empathy. I understand insanity and misery and the power of love. This understanding could be intellectual, but would never be heartfelt without my personal experience within it.
Fighting with fear, strengthens the fear.
Another fascinating lesson is about anger. Angry people are often terrified because they are not in full control of their circumstances or their lives. When I meet or observe anyones fury towards anyone or anything, my immediate reaction is a loving pity, and an understanding. When you feel that you have no control over your life, anger seems to feel like the best defense.
When engulfed in fear, your anger is usually expressed privately: while sitting on your sofa, or while walking the dog, your anger is expressed silently, in your mind, furious and yelling at someone or something, and creating the illusion of control.
And yes, Firewind, as you say, this fear is often (and was in my case) caused by a past life experience.
Firewind, you are an immortal soul who needs to experience both light and darkness in order to learn and grow. You are lovable, and you are loved, and you are never alone. Those beings who love you are your Spirit Guides and Teachers and Elders and Family, (though some may now be manifest human or animal).
rie has it right:
Quote:perhaps that fear was part of the journey of discovery, of seeking. We may understand the catalyst(s) underlying such anxiety/fear and see the wisdom in anxiety/fear (thus development of understanding and acceptance of self). The stone wall maybe dismantled block by block... the cliff may be rather shallow when we are able to observe it more closely... the metal door that prevents us from going forward may be opened...
So now I live in a normal appearing (short and small and old) body. Now I look back at the terror with appreciation. And now I am exercising my plans to realize mySelf. And now I recognize how easy it is to find something else that needs to be done first. But, knowing that time isn't real, I can find humor as I manage to respect my intent. And now I better understand what lurks behind anger.
I began this thread with: I am consumed by fear, and it is keeping me from doing as I choose. I choose to become mySelf, but I fear failure.
While that is still somewhat true, it is also true that now I can detach and observe it. Now I can understand it. And now I can move on.
Don't know why that repeated. Could be my computer ?