Depression and the sense of time in research

[Aaron]

What is the condition that is not depression but causes one to often think about death or dying, while at the same time having love/light in between these feelings of being down? Is that a part of bipolar?

I experience this too because I have such an intense, emotionally based love and seemingly nothing to devote it to. So I feel worthless and spiralling out of control, and pain... I believe the solution to this is to find something you can devote your love to which will offer you feelings of understanding and acceptance in return.

Death seems to be attractive because it will offer the above feelings of understanding, acceptance, and belonging, while also offering release and relief from the pain.