03-27-2010, 11:36 AM
Catalyst having to do with the family is some of the most powerful and difficult catalyst ever, my friend. But you are where you are right now for a reason. And if you can't seem to find the answer this this puzzle, it would be laid out for you in another form. There's no need to worry.
We are here for you.
From the way you've described your mother here and in other threads, I think that if anyone can offer her the deep and cool flowing water of love that she so craves in this existence, it would be you, brother. But how do to that? How to get past her oh so reactive and closed off mind? A small thing I have learned while accepting and working through catalyst of the blue chakra lately, is that not everyone communicates on the same level. In order to communicate to someone more dense than you, communicate in a denser way. Find the most powerful way she seems to communicate with you, and do that back to her in your naturally loving and positive way. Maybe love cannot be communicated to her by words, she might not be ready. Maybe it can be communicated to her by doing something for her, or showing something to her.
I'm not trying to sound saintly here, or even pretend like I wouldn't be "falling to the same level" if I was in your situation. haha If you want to give us more advice about how she is interacting with you on an ego level, more of what she is doing, then we might be able to help more specifically.
P.S. I might also say that the emotions she makes you feel can be shared positively with her. In making you feel the emotion, even the negative, she's giving a gift to you. Share the emotive experience with her, and laugh at how she is making you angry. I understand it's hard to do this because with old friends and especially family, it is VERY difficult to not react with them in the expected egotistical way. Maybe you could even tell her how some of things she's doing and saying make you angry, then maybe thank her and jokingly tell her it's because you have a hard time feeling emotions on your own. Maybe you can thank her for looking so harshly upon your flaws, because you might not be able to see them so clearly on yourself. But remind her that nobody is perfect, and she would become angry if someone were to do the same to her.
Good luck, P!
We are here for you.

From the way you've described your mother here and in other threads, I think that if anyone can offer her the deep and cool flowing water of love that she so craves in this existence, it would be you, brother. But how do to that? How to get past her oh so reactive and closed off mind? A small thing I have learned while accepting and working through catalyst of the blue chakra lately, is that not everyone communicates on the same level. In order to communicate to someone more dense than you, communicate in a denser way. Find the most powerful way she seems to communicate with you, and do that back to her in your naturally loving and positive way. Maybe love cannot be communicated to her by words, she might not be ready. Maybe it can be communicated to her by doing something for her, or showing something to her.
I'm not trying to sound saintly here, or even pretend like I wouldn't be "falling to the same level" if I was in your situation. haha If you want to give us more advice about how she is interacting with you on an ego level, more of what she is doing, then we might be able to help more specifically.
P.S. I might also say that the emotions she makes you feel can be shared positively with her. In making you feel the emotion, even the negative, she's giving a gift to you. Share the emotive experience with her, and laugh at how she is making you angry. I understand it's hard to do this because with old friends and especially family, it is VERY difficult to not react with them in the expected egotistical way. Maybe you could even tell her how some of things she's doing and saying make you angry, then maybe thank her and jokingly tell her it's because you have a hard time feeling emotions on your own. Maybe you can thank her for looking so harshly upon your flaws, because you might not be able to see them so clearly on yourself. But remind her that nobody is perfect, and she would become angry if someone were to do the same to her.
Good luck, P!