09-13-2013, 01:44 AM
I'm not really sure because whenever I have maintained clear contact the nature of the instream of consciousness is very nondescript. Almost as if they'd prefer anonymity, or that I agreed in pre-life contact to remain disconnected as far as nominal identity goes. Then again I have been experiencing extreme catalyst in terms of fear-based streams of communication coming into my consciousness, self-defeating thoughts, maybe even psychic attacks. To be honest I'm not really sure what I've been going through, but negativity has taken keen interest.
Nevertheless, through this all I have shined light onto the dark aspects of my past and of my ego, seeing that things I have labeled as STO have occasionally been heavily influenced by STS intent or attempts of control. I, too, find myself desiring in a dangerous manner the recognition and sharing of my own reality to the point of asserting it onto others (in order to further my view of "love" or understandings of humanity). While most if not all my friends, family, and passerby's would disagree, I have been shown darkness in my heart where I could have sworn was light. Maybe this is just part of the negative greetings, tapping into my deep-seated fears of being wrong, of losing salvation, of being mislead, and of myself. I've even feared inevitable hell as fate of being the antichrist, especially as a pale, blonde, blue eyed guy (Nation of Gods and Earths type stuff...)
I know I'm an empath, I know I have the capacity for near insanity levels of compassion. But I see the dark sides of me are just as strong. I find myself in a catalytic "supercharge" locus of existence, where my being is caught on the brink of super-polarizing through some strange concoction of the lessons I am working through at the moment. But either way, I suppose I can find great catalyst towards my goal of ushering in the kingdom of heaven on this beautiful earth.
I hope,
Nevertheless, through this all I have shined light onto the dark aspects of my past and of my ego, seeing that things I have labeled as STO have occasionally been heavily influenced by STS intent or attempts of control. I, too, find myself desiring in a dangerous manner the recognition and sharing of my own reality to the point of asserting it onto others (in order to further my view of "love" or understandings of humanity). While most if not all my friends, family, and passerby's would disagree, I have been shown darkness in my heart where I could have sworn was light. Maybe this is just part of the negative greetings, tapping into my deep-seated fears of being wrong, of losing salvation, of being mislead, and of myself. I've even feared inevitable hell as fate of being the antichrist, especially as a pale, blonde, blue eyed guy (Nation of Gods and Earths type stuff...)
I know I'm an empath, I know I have the capacity for near insanity levels of compassion. But I see the dark sides of me are just as strong. I find myself in a catalytic "supercharge" locus of existence, where my being is caught on the brink of super-polarizing through some strange concoction of the lessons I am working through at the moment. But either way, I suppose I can find great catalyst towards my goal of ushering in the kingdom of heaven on this beautiful earth.
I hope,
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