Revelations about my state of being.

[Adonai One]

For most of my life I have not fully felt as a soul should. My emotions are veiled so strongly that everything I do in life must be done through sheer force of will...

This came to me after Vervex started connecting to me and all she could feel was agonizing weariness and emotional numbness. It could be said by most standards I feel nothing. I have been living a horribly crippled life and I am so used to it that I can barely see it.

I am now reaching a turning point in my life to where I can begin to heal but the journey is of much hardship. I could never succeed in school and my other endeavours because of this... I could never do anything out of a frictionless love... I had to will myself to do it... I don't fully understand how these wounds came to be, if they are preincarnative or what... But I know I will. I have that much faith.

I welcome any insight into this.

Much love.