Ra on Ego

[manniz]

I would be lying if I said I didn't in some way consciously control what my external expressions are, because I am aware of a huge spectrum of possible responses I could give in any moment. I am often made aware, simultaneously, of both very critical points of view as well as very accepting, lenient points of view and it is sometimes very challenging to choose what I might see as the "best" choice.

However, that being said, I can admit, mostly to myself, that I have not actually tried to be more aggressive or more critical. I have been fairly dedicated in my attempts to get away from my harshness and arrogance. It sometimes frightens me how sharp and accurate I can be with my blade of mind and honestly I feel that a lot of the time I expend considerable effort to "dull" my blade to make it more palatable.

Tanner, your posts often do suggest this struggle going on in your mind. That is why I think, you will make for a good moderator beyond this third density, once the limitations of verbal and written communication fall away. With telepathy, you can unleash all the criticism and snarky zingers that you want. Though, I think you will still be balanced and filled with love, and will hold on to your sharp zingers.

The worry about dulling the blade is always there on the path of love. The way I see it, as long as we have thorough, unabashed discussions within our own mind, the blades will stay sharp, and will be brought out, when necessary. Sucks for our higher selves that they will have to witness our internal, raving mad discussions.

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Sometimes I wonder, maybe what the world needs, and what the best service I can provide, is to express my anger, my frustration and confusion with the world. Maybe they need to hear from that part of myself which has watched and analyzed for so long but remained silent.

I think I am scared to find pleasure in power now. I am scared to embrace power because I am scared I will be consumed by desire for it again.

I absolutely support good, wise people expressing their frustrations about the situations around them. Quite often, these voices are missing from the public debate. From your posts, I highly doubt that you would express negative or too much power. But then, you know the most about your past self. I think you will do fine.

I wonder if Fang will be headed to your stage later in life (assuming that "Harvest suspense" won't interrupt that timeline). At a younger age, it is easy to express power and have the confidence in your own intelligence. I believe, he will mellow down, and infact behind his youthfulness, he already seems mellow, irrespective of his latest reputation on here. Fang and many young seekers are also from the internet age, so they are used to expressing themselves fully, online atleast. Many of them are actually quite take it easy, non-confrontational in real life from what I have experienced with my younger friends.

I have noticed how the young seeker types like Fang are quite advanced compared to their other younger peers. Maybe there is a secret, behind the scenes plan, letting them access their own wisdom earlier than previous generations. Why am I even using the young word so much in reference to others? I am kinda young myself, other than my mind, which seemed to have aged, even before I hit college.

I better stop before Geminising this thread.

ps: Before anyone gets a little itchy, the Geminising term was used with abundance of love, and in full, loving respect to Gemini's beautiful innocence.

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To be honest I haven't read that much Q'uo material. Perhaps I should.

I am surprised Gemini that you have not read Quo yet. You may actually like it, since their approach is very love based. You have been talking about feeling unconditional love. Quo offers it in abundance. A little too much sometimes from my entertainment based perspective.

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When I was younger I was still accepting of others, but I was ruthless with wisdom and I didn't understand gentleness or compassion. Power was all-important to me back then.

Btw, Tanner, i started exactly opposite to you. I was raised in economically limited circumstances (one bedroom apartment for 5 people), and in a society that did not encourage individual expression. So, I actually came to my own a little later.