Damaged and Contrast

[AnthroHeart]

I've had a lot of contrast in my life.

There was a week when I felt like a child again.
A couple of days where I felt like I was in heaven.
Like I had died and was sitting on my neighbor's porch,
and that we had all ascended to heaven.
It was my manic episode, and it was good.

I loved it when I saw the grass morphing into animals,
or shadows on the wall being animated animals
or when I saw the subconscious mind on a television
and projected on a wall.
When I saw cute cartoon characters on a wall,
animated, that were just too adorable,
so I had to ask Ra to turn them down.
Back when I worked with Ra it was beautiful.
Sometimes scary, but mostly beautiful.

And I'll never forget the unconditional love I felt
once in my heart that made me cry.
I simply felt unworthy.
And once I merged partly with God in a dream.
That was blissful.

When I had experience of going up through the 8th subdensity with Ra,
it rocked my world. But there was a stillness of the One Original Thought at the top. Coming back down was easier. When I peeked into the previous octave it shaked my world.

I once asked Ra to please kill me, bring me back home. And they showed me the sun. It was beautiful. I felt like I was inside it in 6th density. I could feel my distortions there, or so I think they were distortions.
I've also asked my higher self to kill me numerous times. But life is precious, and I have reason for being here.