Breaking cycles of suffering.

[Melissa]

Last night something happened to me, like a revelation about my own pain/suffering. I went back to visit some childhood memories which were quite traumatizing, it was like a slideshow of moments, I've experienced it like this before, but what was different this time is that I could see and feel the 'wounds' caused by these incidents. It was a bit of a gruesome sight to behold, as they were all of similar size and completely 'fresh' so to speak, like no therapy had ever occured. I was overwhelmed but at some level also relieved that I could see it, I could finally see what I've always felt.

Physically it was utterly painful too, as my muscles felt cramped and bruised and I felt a strong burning sensation throughout my body. This morning I was also devastated because of it, was all that therapy crap for nothing? But no, I don't think I could've handled it if I hadn't been preparing myself, so to speak. In a couple of weeks I'm seeing a holistic therapist to dive in deep and be fully present with mini-me, for comfort and love, to finally take care of those wounds. I don't want to be haunted by by my past anymore and I also feel it's my responsibilty to reduce my part of the pain and suffering on this planet, since I now know and trust that I can actually handle it.