07-27-2014, 10:59 AM
I was one of the most selfish childs you could ever imagine. It was all about ME ME ME (Capricorn will and ascendency).
it lasted throughout high school, and into my mid 20's. It was perpetually about my interests and pursuing my own goals. I destroyed (annihilated) many friendships along the way because of my own blinkeredness (like one of those racehorse blinders). I just ignored other's and their considerations, and prioritized my wants over theirs. No compromise. Ever.
Two things brought me back from the brink, and kept me in check from absolute egotism and self-vanity.
- -
1) the example of my younger brother. 2 years younger than me, and yet blessed with an open heart from birth, he put up with my sh*t with scarcely a word in reply. He accepted me as I was, and helped me whenever I asked, despite every selfish and mean act I foisted upon my family. He still serves as the living breathing example (someone in my life) of open, well developed and compassionate green ray. I prized my mind and my 'smartyness', he prized what truly mattered - freely given green ray love and acceptance.
2) the example of my best friend, whom I met at age 20. Again, he was two years younger than me, and yet being a Taurus, he had much to say on the physical nature and enjoyment of life. I had always been given towards asceticism and self-denial (Cappie taskmaster), but the Taurus love of sensual things, food, sauve music, and snappy dressing just challenged me at every turn. He didn't do this deliberately ( trying to point out my lack of physical acceptances), but it just showed up as catalyst in the way he lived his life, and the interests he had. We had many things in common ... classical music, Shakespeare, physics and maths ... and he was just as sharp as me mentally, but the Taurean love of life and almost indulgence just challenged my own biases and inherent nature so much.
this friend basically shared his life with others, rather than keeping it bottled up inside like I did. He was truly social in an equal way.
- -
so my selfishness and self-concern was an utter elevation and promotion of the self above others. I wouldn't call it negative, but others thought I was an absolute pr*ck.
it was about ME ME ME. I didn't listen to others at all, and my opinion was more important than anyone else's.
I would like to think I've changed (and mellowed) somewhat into my 30's.
peace out.
it lasted throughout high school, and into my mid 20's. It was perpetually about my interests and pursuing my own goals. I destroyed (annihilated) many friendships along the way because of my own blinkeredness (like one of those racehorse blinders). I just ignored other's and their considerations, and prioritized my wants over theirs. No compromise. Ever.
Two things brought me back from the brink, and kept me in check from absolute egotism and self-vanity.
- -
1) the example of my younger brother. 2 years younger than me, and yet blessed with an open heart from birth, he put up with my sh*t with scarcely a word in reply. He accepted me as I was, and helped me whenever I asked, despite every selfish and mean act I foisted upon my family. He still serves as the living breathing example (someone in my life) of open, well developed and compassionate green ray. I prized my mind and my 'smartyness', he prized what truly mattered - freely given green ray love and acceptance.
2) the example of my best friend, whom I met at age 20. Again, he was two years younger than me, and yet being a Taurus, he had much to say on the physical nature and enjoyment of life. I had always been given towards asceticism and self-denial (Cappie taskmaster), but the Taurus love of sensual things, food, sauve music, and snappy dressing just challenged me at every turn. He didn't do this deliberately ( trying to point out my lack of physical acceptances), but it just showed up as catalyst in the way he lived his life, and the interests he had. We had many things in common ... classical music, Shakespeare, physics and maths ... and he was just as sharp as me mentally, but the Taurean love of life and almost indulgence just challenged my own biases and inherent nature so much.
this friend basically shared his life with others, rather than keeping it bottled up inside like I did. He was truly social in an equal way.
- -
so my selfishness and self-concern was an utter elevation and promotion of the self above others. I wouldn't call it negative, but others thought I was an absolute pr*ck.
it was about ME ME ME. I didn't listen to others at all, and my opinion was more important than anyone else's.
I would like to think I've changed (and mellowed) somewhat into my 30's.
peace out.
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