08-04-2014, 08:56 AM
I see what you're getting at, Learner. I agree with the first paragraph, but not the second. Adonai One posted a quotation from Ayn Rand that captures fairly well the attitude or mental configuration which defines genuine altruism out of existence. The basic claim is this: if it benefits you, then the reason you did it is the benefit. This supposed argument for the non-existence of altruism begs the question. Underlying the argument is the assumption that anytime something benefits you, you are motivated primarily by the benefit.
It is this very attitude that has caused people to think that doing what is "right" (though i don't care for this term) must be painful. Again, we're working with the same tired dichotomy: either you do it because it's your duty or because it benefits you.
Adonai One, there is nothing wrong with you. If you have never had the experience of wanting the good of the other without any thought for the self, then I'm sure it will come. Conversely, be careful not to place mental processes in your path that aren't really there. People who buy into Rand's argument convince themselves that the dichotomy is true. So when they experience genuine altruism, they fixate on the benefits they get from it without recognizing that in that moment the benefit for the self was not considered.
When grandma makes cookies for you, is it less generous and thoughtful if she eats one, too? If she made them for you, then she probably wouldn't have made them if you hadn't showed up. The pleasure of eating a cookie is nice, but it was the brightening of your day that she wanted.
The important distinction is this: you do what you do because you want to Do it, not because it gives you pleasure. It may be that you want to do it because it gives you pleasure, but if so then it was not love. Anyone who has slept with a "selfish" lover understands how this works.
It is this very attitude that has caused people to think that doing what is "right" (though i don't care for this term) must be painful. Again, we're working with the same tired dichotomy: either you do it because it's your duty or because it benefits you.
Adonai One, there is nothing wrong with you. If you have never had the experience of wanting the good of the other without any thought for the self, then I'm sure it will come. Conversely, be careful not to place mental processes in your path that aren't really there. People who buy into Rand's argument convince themselves that the dichotomy is true. So when they experience genuine altruism, they fixate on the benefits they get from it without recognizing that in that moment the benefit for the self was not considered.
When grandma makes cookies for you, is it less generous and thoughtful if she eats one, too? If she made them for you, then she probably wouldn't have made them if you hadn't showed up. The pleasure of eating a cookie is nice, but it was the brightening of your day that she wanted.
The important distinction is this: you do what you do because you want to Do it, not because it gives you pleasure. It may be that you want to do it because it gives you pleasure, but if so then it was not love. Anyone who has slept with a "selfish" lover understands how this works.
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