11-03-2014, 04:41 PM
Everyone, thank you for the advice. I became concerned after posting this. I started to question whether I was just using the forum to vent. (Still possible. Captive audience and all!) Still, You've given me the inspiration to look in the mirror on this.
This made me have direct witness as to how I may let resentment and anger flip my polarization to S.T.S.!
Yeah,....it's easy for me to "feel" the "love" of the universe when all is sunny,....I've got my hiking on,....my biking on,....or surrounded by a group of people who are happy or striving towards a common good.
Ooohh,....but I think I see the true test is feeling the love in the dark situations. In being able to give love to those who may seem unlovable. Even if they become a spiritual porcupine in your heart.
But then, as you mentioned,....there is the love balanced by wisdom issue also.
Man,...I have a lot to think about.
Do I just serve a purpose to them,....good question. I know I'm easily replaced. Michele proved that in 2011. Didn't work out as she planned, though. I imagine that's a big part of why we're together now.
She says she learned a lesson, and has changed,...but I wonder what lesson that may be?
Yet,...I still can see the good qualities in her. Her love of animals,..she is capable of love.
As far as the kids and the overall situation,...I think I am tolerated,...and serve a financial purpose. As long as I keep a low profile, and don't make any waves,...things are fine.
Still,...I'm starting to think there is a BIG catalyst in this for me. My S.T.O. decision, while strong at the conscious level, seem to be very fragile at the deep spirit level,.....when faced with inter-relationship difficulties.
Almost as if at the sub-conscious level, I've set conditions on my acceptance, love, and overall S.T.O. desires.
It's not that I consciously say "I'm switching teams,...DAMMIT!" I just seem to go into self serving, self protection mode, in the face of perceived injustice and resentments.
I'm going to do a bit more soul searching on this, guys. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!
This made me have direct witness as to how I may let resentment and anger flip my polarization to S.T.S.!
Yeah,....it's easy for me to "feel" the "love" of the universe when all is sunny,....I've got my hiking on,....my biking on,....or surrounded by a group of people who are happy or striving towards a common good.
Ooohh,....but I think I see the true test is feeling the love in the dark situations. In being able to give love to those who may seem unlovable. Even if they become a spiritual porcupine in your heart.
But then, as you mentioned,....there is the love balanced by wisdom issue also.
Man,...I have a lot to think about.
Do I just serve a purpose to them,....good question. I know I'm easily replaced. Michele proved that in 2011. Didn't work out as she planned, though. I imagine that's a big part of why we're together now.
She says she learned a lesson, and has changed,...but I wonder what lesson that may be?
Yet,...I still can see the good qualities in her. Her love of animals,..she is capable of love.
As far as the kids and the overall situation,...I think I am tolerated,...and serve a financial purpose. As long as I keep a low profile, and don't make any waves,...things are fine.
Still,...I'm starting to think there is a BIG catalyst in this for me. My S.T.O. decision, while strong at the conscious level, seem to be very fragile at the deep spirit level,.....when faced with inter-relationship difficulties.
Almost as if at the sub-conscious level, I've set conditions on my acceptance, love, and overall S.T.O. desires.
It's not that I consciously say "I'm switching teams,...DAMMIT!" I just seem to go into self serving, self protection mode, in the face of perceived injustice and resentments.
I'm going to do a bit more soul searching on this, guys. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!
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