07-30-2010, 02:08 PM
I’m In the middle of a 2nd awakening, or meby just going mad! 
… My first awakening being around the age of 18-24
During that time I wrote lots of pomes and doodled symbols and images much. Lots of spirals and spiral suns, and this wired fish/fairy/dragon/person thing with big eyes.
There were defiantly ups and downs as I struggled to cope with how I saw the world, and the feeling I was trapped inside my body.
This time round its mind blowing! I’m a wee bit disoriented to say the least
My background –
I was brought up Christian, yet strongly believed in reincarnation, and mentioned a past life to my mother. I can’t tell you how surprised and relived I was at high school when I found out that many people all over the world thought this too!
Christianity didn’t fit for me at all. I’m dyslexic with ADHD diagnosed, but have more recently discovered I fit with what is known as indigo.
After the birth of my 2nd little one things started to change for me, I was blessed with a very sensitive lil lad who doesn’t tolerate modern earth life well.
Dr’s were utterly hopeless and I set about working out what was wrong with my baby making our life tolerable for him. I also realised at that time what a gift he was, and how these babies were a reflection of what we were doing to our world and a big wake up call.
After a rant on a parenting forum a friend introduced me to some books on reincarnation and there was such a light went on for me again – she then guided me to the wonderful fairyfarmGirl Blog and that led me to Little Grandmother.
That really started my calling to wake up. I bought myself a book like I used to have and started righting again.
The first thing I wrote was ‘remembering’ At the time I thought I was trying to remember my old poetry (I couldn’t lay my hands on one of the book’s….. but had a strong suspicion I wasn’t ment to find it yet’
I now realise I’m remembering me
I started to get dreams again, and the word Dragon & Shaman kept appearing for me, even the Vicar on the Alpha course I did gave me a message of Dragon.
Wired dreams with ill an ill baby dragon with it's Mum under water, and crystals that I had to take to standing stones
Others about beeing with other healers, but not knowing who I was and feelings that others were missing.
It’s been like something was on the tip of my brain, really annoying kind of feeling, so I asked my guides to ‘throw me a fish here please’
From here it all gets very odd.
It started with a dream message
One of them odd disjointed dreams, it was hopping round all over the place.
The bits I remember the most was the flying part, I wasn't me - I was just zooming straight up into the air and bobbing round, but when I thought about it to much or people looked at me I came down again.
Then it hopped to being in a public toilet (weirdly my first real lucid dream was in a public toilet too )
I was using the hand dryer and looked up to see a huge bright neon coloured sign on the wall
'SPIRITUAL REGRESSION - CALL NOW!!!!'
It's really amused me to the point I couldn't stop laughing, my poor guides must feel like bashing there heads on a wall sometimes
At first I thought I needed a spiritual regressionist, but when I saw the price I realised that my guide ment call (him) So I did, I wrote a poem asking too let my human eyes see.
Over the few next days I had a bit of a eureka moment, I was looking up dragons/shamanism and that sent me on to Geomancy that wound up with a Dowsing forum, in that I found a paragraph about often people with soul memories are scared to remember because of things that happened in a past life when they may have used a gift they had.
This really resonated with me so much that my head started to throb, when I get a pain like that in my head I need to sit still and go to the pain and it turns into more of an ecstasy feeling if that makes sense. Sooo did that - and then got the final line to the poem I wrote :idea:
‘All the knowledge we ever need’s all ready trapped inside,
Deep inside subconciousness it’s for safety that it hides.
As I’d guesses I was now able to find the book that had been eluding me – it was somewhere I’d already looked.
It wasn’t the end of the poem I thought it was but the start of another. – I was really also surprised that both pomes ment far more to me now than at the time I’d wrote them.
Up, down
Round, round
Living in, life’s play ground.
First it’s your go, then its mine,
What have we learnt after all this time?
Live for now, and lighten up,
Give up the searching for the cup,
The grails inside just stop and feel,
Allow your conscience time to heal.
Play the game, it’s in your hand.
Learn your special role on this land.
Shed a tear, smile a smile,
Stop and think a little while.
Our time is now, that’s what we’ve got,
We need no more, we hold the lot.
2nd one
All the knowledge that we’ll ever need’s all ready trapped inside,
Trapped deep inside subconciousness it’s for safety that it hides.
Balance both your opposites your black and your white,
Search for equilibrium, they were never made to fight.
One grows too strong out weighs the other, battles fought inside out minds get projected to one another.
By natures laws we live each day, though so often hidden in real life play.
Release your creature let it be, drop your defences and set it free.
The creative destructive power lies so deep within our soul
Money greed and power will never make us whole,
Acceptance of the thing you are and how you play your part, set free the guilt anxiety and open up your heart.
What goes around shall come around, it’s the way that it must go, each and every person has there special gift to show.
I also found a lovely thing I’d written about star people, that doesn’t even look like my writing.
That all lead me to realise that there was some fear holding me back from rembereing,
The next thing that happened is what has really freaked me out I’ll just copy and paste the bit I sent to my friend as it explains it as it happens,
“‘I'd been looking into more stuff just following little breadcrumb trails on the net - and happened across this discussion about Evolution vs Creation vs interventionalist.
I was kind of trying to work out what side of the fence I'm sitting on and what I make of channelling and the bible and pyramids and such I got interested in the big people that I've herd crop up in this stuff.
SO found a YouTube snip of a documentary about the big skeletons that have been found and the discussion about them and also an experiment about how the conditions back then caused gigantisms’ in many species and plants... was very interesting.
And some of the theory’s surrounding them.
I decided to go out into the garden to clear my head a bit, it was lovely out there - dusk with gorgeous pink clouds floating over the trees at the top of the hill.
So I sat on our big garden beanbag.
What happened next would have been odd for a dream - the fact I was wide awake and not under the influence of anything really freaked me out
Carry came out for a stroke and jumped onto the beanbag with me, as I started stroking her I had the most vivid experience that my hand was too small and my fingers should be several inches longer, it was like I was trying to stroke her past were my fingers ended.
like I could feel it bigger and I'd shrunk
This was really rather disturbing, but I wasn't afraid - I started mulling over fallen angels/giants/channelling/ aliens
Then had the most vivid flashback to being aprox 4years old and a picture I'd drawn.
It was a picture of a pink angel, I'd stuck it on my bedroom wall right under the light switch on my Noah's arc wallpaper in my bedroom.
I remember clearly the angel I'd drawn, it was me...... but I wasn't in heaven, I thought of myself as what I at the time called a devils angel.
By this point I'm seriously freaked out thinking oh s*** I'm some kind of Satanist
Then look up into the sky to see the pink clouds have formed a big pink dragon breathing pink cloud flame.
If I couldn't see the humour in this I think I'd be wheeling my self off to see some kind of therapist this morning.
I could kind of hear my guide laughing saying 'well you did ask'
At this point my body feels so flipping odd.... it was like I was buzzing.
So I sat there for time thinking, am I bad? Am I evil.... as I was brought up Christian going to Sunday school & fellowship meetings?
Decided that I can't be evil as I forgive easily, trust people and all ways try to be kind and fair, genuinely care about people and want life to be better for all - and I'm quite a loved up person
So at that point decided that I had to go to sleep and ground myself a bit as I was feeling so disjointed.
Fortunately I had lots of dreams about being under water and in the sea and that always ground me and make me feel better. “
I’m still feeling totally disorientated by this! I watched a starseed awakening thing and it made me cry it was so lovely.
Also the pomes I’m writing now are so filled with love and light that I’m almost certain I’m not something horrible - I also realise that when I think I may be bad the fear feels so cold and inclosing.
Looking threw all the old pomes I’ve written to makes me realise that I’m not a bad thing too. Then I find my way to some quotes about Satan and dragons from revelations and it leaves me wondering just what the heck is going on
I also have the sensations of tingling and buzzing all the time….. I can only describe it as being loved up on MDMA and the rush you get up your spine.
Anyhow - well done if you have made it this far.
And before I go, let me share one of my newer pomes because I think it might mean something to people here.
Falling threw time, Peeping into space,
Join the evolution of the beloved human race.
Hold your head up high be proud to belong
Make a flow so strong that the rest get swept along.
Keep your face above the water and let go of the side,
Reach your arms to the others and trust in this tide.
Love to you all, @ndy.
… My first awakening being around the age of 18-24
During that time I wrote lots of pomes and doodled symbols and images much. Lots of spirals and spiral suns, and this wired fish/fairy/dragon/person thing with big eyes.
There were defiantly ups and downs as I struggled to cope with how I saw the world, and the feeling I was trapped inside my body.
This time round its mind blowing! I’m a wee bit disoriented to say the least
My background –
I was brought up Christian, yet strongly believed in reincarnation, and mentioned a past life to my mother. I can’t tell you how surprised and relived I was at high school when I found out that many people all over the world thought this too!
Christianity didn’t fit for me at all. I’m dyslexic with ADHD diagnosed, but have more recently discovered I fit with what is known as indigo.After the birth of my 2nd little one things started to change for me, I was blessed with a very sensitive lil lad who doesn’t tolerate modern earth life well.
Dr’s were utterly hopeless and I set about working out what was wrong with my baby making our life tolerable for him. I also realised at that time what a gift he was, and how these babies were a reflection of what we were doing to our world and a big wake up call.
After a rant on a parenting forum a friend introduced me to some books on reincarnation and there was such a light went on for me again – she then guided me to the wonderful fairyfarmGirl Blog and that led me to Little Grandmother.
That really started my calling to wake up. I bought myself a book like I used to have and started righting again.
The first thing I wrote was ‘remembering’ At the time I thought I was trying to remember my old poetry (I couldn’t lay my hands on one of the book’s….. but had a strong suspicion I wasn’t ment to find it yet’
I now realise I’m remembering me
I started to get dreams again, and the word Dragon & Shaman kept appearing for me, even the Vicar on the Alpha course I did gave me a message of Dragon.
Wired dreams with ill an ill baby dragon with it's Mum under water, and crystals that I had to take to standing stones
Others about beeing with other healers, but not knowing who I was and feelings that others were missing.
It’s been like something was on the tip of my brain, really annoying kind of feeling, so I asked my guides to ‘throw me a fish here please’
From here it all gets very odd.
It started with a dream message
One of them odd disjointed dreams, it was hopping round all over the place.
The bits I remember the most was the flying part, I wasn't me - I was just zooming straight up into the air and bobbing round, but when I thought about it to much or people looked at me I came down again.
Then it hopped to being in a public toilet (weirdly my first real lucid dream was in a public toilet too )
I was using the hand dryer and looked up to see a huge bright neon coloured sign on the wall
'SPIRITUAL REGRESSION - CALL NOW!!!!'
It's really amused me to the point I couldn't stop laughing, my poor guides must feel like bashing there heads on a wall sometimes
At first I thought I needed a spiritual regressionist, but when I saw the price I realised that my guide ment call (him) So I did, I wrote a poem asking too let my human eyes see.
Over the few next days I had a bit of a eureka moment, I was looking up dragons/shamanism and that sent me on to Geomancy that wound up with a Dowsing forum, in that I found a paragraph about often people with soul memories are scared to remember because of things that happened in a past life when they may have used a gift they had.
This really resonated with me so much that my head started to throb, when I get a pain like that in my head I need to sit still and go to the pain and it turns into more of an ecstasy feeling if that makes sense. Sooo did that - and then got the final line to the poem I wrote :idea:
‘All the knowledge we ever need’s all ready trapped inside,
Deep inside subconciousness it’s for safety that it hides.
As I’d guesses I was now able to find the book that had been eluding me – it was somewhere I’d already looked.
It wasn’t the end of the poem I thought it was but the start of another. – I was really also surprised that both pomes ment far more to me now than at the time I’d wrote them.
Up, down
Round, round
Living in, life’s play ground.
First it’s your go, then its mine,
What have we learnt after all this time?
Live for now, and lighten up,
Give up the searching for the cup,
The grails inside just stop and feel,
Allow your conscience time to heal.
Play the game, it’s in your hand.
Learn your special role on this land.
Shed a tear, smile a smile,
Stop and think a little while.
Our time is now, that’s what we’ve got,
We need no more, we hold the lot.
2nd one
All the knowledge that we’ll ever need’s all ready trapped inside,
Trapped deep inside subconciousness it’s for safety that it hides.
Balance both your opposites your black and your white,
Search for equilibrium, they were never made to fight.
One grows too strong out weighs the other, battles fought inside out minds get projected to one another.
By natures laws we live each day, though so often hidden in real life play.
Release your creature let it be, drop your defences and set it free.
The creative destructive power lies so deep within our soul
Money greed and power will never make us whole,
Acceptance of the thing you are and how you play your part, set free the guilt anxiety and open up your heart.
What goes around shall come around, it’s the way that it must go, each and every person has there special gift to show.
I also found a lovely thing I’d written about star people, that doesn’t even look like my writing.
That all lead me to realise that there was some fear holding me back from rembereing,
The next thing that happened is what has really freaked me out I’ll just copy and paste the bit I sent to my friend as it explains it as it happens,
“‘I'd been looking into more stuff just following little breadcrumb trails on the net - and happened across this discussion about Evolution vs Creation vs interventionalist.
I was kind of trying to work out what side of the fence I'm sitting on and what I make of channelling and the bible and pyramids and such I got interested in the big people that I've herd crop up in this stuff.
SO found a YouTube snip of a documentary about the big skeletons that have been found and the discussion about them and also an experiment about how the conditions back then caused gigantisms’ in many species and plants... was very interesting.
And some of the theory’s surrounding them.
I decided to go out into the garden to clear my head a bit, it was lovely out there - dusk with gorgeous pink clouds floating over the trees at the top of the hill.
So I sat on our big garden beanbag.
What happened next would have been odd for a dream - the fact I was wide awake and not under the influence of anything really freaked me out
Carry came out for a stroke and jumped onto the beanbag with me, as I started stroking her I had the most vivid experience that my hand was too small and my fingers should be several inches longer, it was like I was trying to stroke her past were my fingers ended.
like I could feel it bigger and I'd shrunk
This was really rather disturbing, but I wasn't afraid - I started mulling over fallen angels/giants/channelling/ aliens
Then had the most vivid flashback to being aprox 4years old and a picture I'd drawn.
It was a picture of a pink angel, I'd stuck it on my bedroom wall right under the light switch on my Noah's arc wallpaper in my bedroom.
I remember clearly the angel I'd drawn, it was me...... but I wasn't in heaven, I thought of myself as what I at the time called a devils angel.
By this point I'm seriously freaked out thinking oh s*** I'm some kind of Satanist
Then look up into the sky to see the pink clouds have formed a big pink dragon breathing pink cloud flame.
If I couldn't see the humour in this I think I'd be wheeling my self off to see some kind of therapist this morning.
I could kind of hear my guide laughing saying 'well you did ask'
At this point my body feels so flipping odd.... it was like I was buzzing.
So I sat there for time thinking, am I bad? Am I evil.... as I was brought up Christian going to Sunday school & fellowship meetings?
Decided that I can't be evil as I forgive easily, trust people and all ways try to be kind and fair, genuinely care about people and want life to be better for all - and I'm quite a loved up person
So at that point decided that I had to go to sleep and ground myself a bit as I was feeling so disjointed.
Fortunately I had lots of dreams about being under water and in the sea and that always ground me and make me feel better. “
I’m still feeling totally disorientated by this! I watched a starseed awakening thing and it made me cry it was so lovely.
Also the pomes I’m writing now are so filled with love and light that I’m almost certain I’m not something horrible - I also realise that when I think I may be bad the fear feels so cold and inclosing.
Looking threw all the old pomes I’ve written to makes me realise that I’m not a bad thing too. Then I find my way to some quotes about Satan and dragons from revelations and it leaves me wondering just what the heck is going on
I also have the sensations of tingling and buzzing all the time….. I can only describe it as being loved up on MDMA and the rush you get up your spine.
Anyhow - well done if you have made it this far.
And before I go, let me share one of my newer pomes because I think it might mean something to people here.
Falling threw time, Peeping into space,
Join the evolution of the beloved human race.
Hold your head up high be proud to belong
Make a flow so strong that the rest get swept along.
Keep your face above the water and let go of the side,
Reach your arms to the others and trust in this tide.
Love to you all, @ndy.