Why I am not a vegan

[AngelofDeath]

It is an important distinction to make to give power to those who simply lack will. Once you realize you don't actually want to die, but rather death is a means to an end you take the first step towards discovering why you fear life. Death is almost always a means to an end for those whom long for it. Some simply become apathetic to their own existence.

But I don't understand how I can when life is so beautiful (all the densities are incredible). The Law of One philosophy is amazing.
And I have friends who care about my well being.
I don't understand why I don't have full value in life.

It may simply be that you are experiencing some impatience and are overly pre-occupied with future moments rather than the present moment. Looking to the future is something most humans do and I think that is what tends to make death desirable because in it is seen what cannot now be grasped.

The fact of the matter is that humans are changing creatures, we don't always want the same things, so I believe often we get caught in cognitive dissonance with our own desires and this drains us of the will to live because it takes up energy.