Would You? A Contemplation on Life,

[Reaper]

Suffering can be transmuted into ecstasy with the right alchemy. Every emotional state of being is just a slightly different manifestation of the same well of pure experience, and those states can switch between each other at the drop of a hat.

In my personal life this alchemy has been studied by taking on physical masochism and literally learning to find joy in pain, while at the same time learning to respect my own nature enough to not seek out unnecessary suffering.

In my childhood I was gifted with a very painful physical condition that forced me to face the reality of suffering head on at a very early age, and while the effects of being tortured by my own body for years were traumatizing, the experience also shaped me in ways I wouldn't have imagined. It gave me immeasurable physical and mental fortitude that continuously come in handy in the work I do now. I can't say it's an experience I wanted, but I don't resent it, and looking back, I wouldn't be the same without it. I have little doubt that I gave my hearty, happy consent to the condition prior to incarnating and probably wouldn't erase the experience if given the option, even from this limited, physical perspective. I genuinely like the person I have become due to the things I have suffered.

I can understand the perspective you offer. Physical life can be downright painful and awful and scary no matter how enlightened you may be, and I don't find the notion of feeling somewhat forced or cheated at all strange. I've spent many nights raving at the heavens for being so despicably unfair. It is incredibly difficult to suffer, or watch those you love suffer, and be able to say "please, sir, may I have another?" It is hard to stomach the notion of some invisible, impersonal hand doling out pain without feeling a sense of injustice. I, personally, however, do not subscribe to that perspective because it would create further suffering in my life (in the form of hopelessness), and, as I said before, my prerogative is to endure gracefully, while sparing myself what I do not have to endure. I understand that I do not understand everything that went into the creation of this life, that there are unseen lessons I may never realize I've learned until this life is over, and I choose to have faith that my Self knows what it is doing, has my best interest at heart, and that that which I suffer is not only worth it, but beautiful in its own way. At the very least it is comfort in the storm.