Family

[ree]

How do you tell your family that you fell utterly disconnected from them, are indifferent towards them and/or hate and resent resent them (or at least some of them) and that a part of you desires to cut them out of your life and be on your way, with no desire to give the relationship another go and try and mend it?  I ask because this is how I feel towards my family, have felt so for a long time now, and have not even so much as hinted that I may be feeling this way (I am the quite one who stays in his room).  Such a revelation would come as completely unexpected to them I am pretty sure, which is why this is hard, as I am gonna have to be the one break the illusion of 'wellness'.  

I realize that sooner or later these thoughts and feelings are going to have to be revealed, and being that I am 22 years old and I desire to move out, sooner is better than later.  The bubble is gonna have to burst, even though there is intense resistance and all I really wan't to do is run away and not have to face and express this.  I just don't know how to do it and what to do afterwards.  I'm tired of pretending that all is well and dandy, when in actual fact it isn't.  I'm tired of lying to myself and other.  Any advice?

Can totally relate to your experience. I felt unfulfilled and neglected in the love department from family. At a certain point my sadness and anger became toxic... I intuitively understood that this toxicity could be detrimental to all of us. It was like, either I go or I implode. For 2-3 years I lobbied for my parents to let me leave and when the first opportunity came I took it and left. I had put real focus on the intent to leave to protect family from hurt or drama or disappointment. 

What happened next was pretty good for all of us. Sometimes having physical distance can help to reflect and maybe help relate to family in new ways. We still had issues but w/ separation and time we've slowly got to know each other in new ways that helped us appreciate each other more, e.g.,  how I was able to appreciate things about my family I had never really noticed.

Wasn't till my late 20s, early 30s that I came to terms with rather super-charged emotions around family, and it still is a major catalyst... but I'm just so happy I listened to my heart and followed it (to leave) and channeled strength into my intent to protect my family & self. 

Good luck folk-love!