Family

[Billy]

Hi Folk-love,

a completely different, totally human perspective:

I do believe though that as a child my family failed me massively and did not provide me with the love, acceptance, understanding, affection, warmth, wisdom, guidance, help, attention and direction I so sorely craved, nor did they even come close to doing so.

I have not been there with you and therefore am not able to in any way quantify or qualify what they have done - or rather not done - to you. But in case it would amount to something you could term 'neglect', it would be a severe form of abuse (if a more emotional and psychological than physical, but nevertheless very potent form), and therefore be able to create severe trauma, with all the known consequences. All humans (and many animals) need to be taken care of in the early stages of their lives in exactly the way you seem to have been lacking. So if you feel you have seriously been neglected in that sense, it might very well have caused your feelings and emotional states. Have you ever talked about what you have experienced to someone in detail, ideally in a kind of chronological way? Maybe to a coach/counselor/therapist? Or tried to write it down, chronologically, as far as possible?

If you don't feel it was 'bad enough' to explain your feelings (regardless of what others think or tell you!) - and I'm not suggesting that, but merely stating it as a possibility - there might also be the option there have been even worse incidents of abuse (emotional, psychological, physical, and/or sexual) that are not available to you in your conscious memory because they have been dissociated due to their severeness and the heaviness of trauma inflicted. Only you can know or find out what the true reasons for your feelings are. Meditation might assist you with that task. Writing memories down might as well. As others have said before me, moving out might also be very helpful in order to clarify your situation; and this would especially be true in the last case, as it's unfortunately very common that one can't remember severe abuse in the presence of perpetrators (sorry for that term in the context of your family...).

I very much hope my writing was not too personal or bold; please discard anything I have written that does not resonate with you. There are parts of you that know what the reasons are, and your heart and gut feeling might be able to give you a first key to what it might be if you listen closely.

All the best to you,
-`ღ´-
facettes

Thank you for this, I appreciate the honesty and boldness, it is helpful.  I want people to be as honest as possible, as I think it will best help me understand what is going on.  

I'm going through a period of intense doubt and confusion as to what the cause of these issues are, to the point where it is driving me insane.  A part of me feels as though I am making this all up and/or exaggerating it, which has been further intensified as I talked to my family about this yesterday, and they seemed to be suggesting that perhaps it is my depression talking, and that as a child I wasn't showing such symptoms, although they did remain open to the possibility.  I have been seeing a counselor who has suggested what you are, but I still don't know.  How can I be sure? 

I feel really, really bad though because I know that my parents tried the best they could, and that any potential abuse or neglect was entirely unconscious, but if they did fail me, then I want to know the truth and not doubt anymore.  Can someone get Ra on the phone?  I need some time/space assistance and guidance.