Discipline

[Cainite]

and what if the intention was good and the outcome not as good. this can happen if the intention is not pure enough, specially in a semi-negative society.

If you intention is (purely) good and the outcome was bad, you still succeeded in your efforts. We aren't responsible for how other people handle the catalyst we offer them, but merely how we present it ourselves.

For an example of mine, I incarnated into a difficult family. I spent most of my childhood trying to soothe their distortions, as I now know the constant activity of harmonizing that I participated in each day. I was basically neglected because I was never a central part of their dramas, no one paid me much mind, but I was also an ideal child in that way so I experienced minimal wrath. Now, as an adult, I experience more of that wrath - no matter how much I tried to be balanced, loving, and accepting in my family relations, they decided the opposite was true of me and see me and my husband now as the pinnacle of evil. The outcome of my awakening on my family unit was "not as good" as the effect on myself. But I can't blame myself, because I sincerely tried my best to be loving towards them and still experienced a backlash of abuse. I had to step away from the situation because no matter how "pure" my "input", the output never matched.

The fact is, since it is my family, that these distortions are preincarnationally decided. My dad and aunt (the primary abusive perps) have tried to learn the lessons of love, but both are nearing the end of their incarnations (self destruction) and seem to have swung the other way. Instead, my job is to mirror back to them their self hatred. (and they have done a good job of mirroring to me mine!) It's not my favorite job, but I have to accept that I *can't* control the outcome, only my intentions. If one has as pure and loving of intentions as possible, no guilt should be experienced - others are still allowed to take catalyst and use it as they please. I just continue to hope and pray for the best outcome for all.

when I got angry at certain groups of people who had pissed me off I acted in a sts manner, not hurting anyone but just showing them chi manipulation. it was the start of an end.. everything collapsed afterwards... everything

This is what happens when one falters in their initiation. They let their newly powerful emotions/abilities get the best of them and they behave opposite of their intended polarity. You can still pick up the pieces and put them back together, in a more desirable configuration, if that is your wish.

I liked your story and can relate to some parts of it.