10-02-2015, 01:44 PM
It is already done. Without reciprocation, I think she'd enjoy me dead. . . But I'm not sure since I haven't talked to her in 9 or 10 months.
BUT, I agree, the result of forgiving and accepting did bring a manner of richness to me. To add to the innate understanding that all things are sacred, it helps me realize that to be honest is enough sometimes. She was the best person to ever enter my life. I do miss her. But things are as they are and she is gone for ever. Thus so be it. Doesn't mean I can't hope for her well being. Doesn't mean a part of me won't love her forever.
Just means I don't want to suffer forever resisting what is. Sadly the last I heard, she basically would miss me if she didn't hate me. Weird how life works, maybe I can make it up to her in the afterlife one way or another, I do feel like I would like an actual long life with her, and not just a short time together.
But I have another girlfriend now, and I laid to rest all of those feelings, or am trying to. Some things you just miss forever it seems. (like my first ex, and the current one being spoken of--my first real girlfriend hah, and Spyro the Dragon 1 on PS1... And Halo 2... And that feeling of completion when you finish a really really once in a life-time good book. And being a kid. and other stuff.)
BUT, I agree, the result of forgiving and accepting did bring a manner of richness to me. To add to the innate understanding that all things are sacred, it helps me realize that to be honest is enough sometimes. She was the best person to ever enter my life. I do miss her. But things are as they are and she is gone for ever. Thus so be it. Doesn't mean I can't hope for her well being. Doesn't mean a part of me won't love her forever.
Just means I don't want to suffer forever resisting what is. Sadly the last I heard, she basically would miss me if she didn't hate me. Weird how life works, maybe I can make it up to her in the afterlife one way or another, I do feel like I would like an actual long life with her, and not just a short time together.
But I have another girlfriend now, and I laid to rest all of those feelings, or am trying to. Some things you just miss forever it seems. (like my first ex, and the current one being spoken of--my first real girlfriend hah, and Spyro the Dragon 1 on PS1... And Halo 2... And that feeling of completion when you finish a really really once in a life-time good book. And being a kid. and other stuff.)