10-23-2015, 05:21 PM
(10-20-2015, 12:52 PM)The_Tired_Philosopher Wrote: Let me know if I should stay or go, B4thers. I am tired.
Well I think you should stay chap because when I look back on my own experiences, I am glad that I did not run from those troublesome situations. As for the veil though, imagine raising your finger at the creator because you forgot the padlock code to the pearly gates?
As antithetical as it may seem, even for a moment, if you accept full responsibility for every thought and emotion that is grinding you down at this time, you might find a well deserved break from the challenges you are presented with.
When I look back on my own life TTP (I have recently turned 39), the first expression of my own tiredness came about when I was 12 years old. I was having a bath and I wanted to time how long I could hold my breath under water with my new digital Casio watch. I remained under the water for 1.24 minutes and threw my head up in mild shock. You see, it wasn't that I was desperate for breath that led me to come up for air, it was the realisation in my mind that I would die if I stayed under. I felt a strange peace once I had expelled all of the air from my lungs and it was only after thinking about staying there, that impulsed me to raise my head.
My point here, is that I came up for air because I did not want to drown, not because I could no longer hold my breath. Reflecting back, I was tired of living.
Moving forward to when I was 24 years and I tried to strangle my own mum (I had become psychotic). 2 policemen interviewed me in my bedroom and I had a real urge to return to that peaceful moment I experienced when I was 12. I only lived a 10 minute walk from the sea but I was prevented from leaving the house.
When Ra recommended the balancing exercises (I read the LOO when I was 36), I knew precisely what they were getting at. I had personally experienced what it was like to be the abused, and the abuser. I had some 3D catalyst/experience to reflect upon, and quantify in a more understandable framework.
So yeah, what I think is actually irrelevant with regards to whether you should stay or not. I only hope that sharing tid-bits of my own journey somehow helps you to realise that you are not alone
