The art...act...guh. drinking sucks.

[isis]

I think it's unfortunate that laughing is often taken so personally or as simply being about humour. I turned to depression because people were never comfortable with me laughing in the face of misfortune, pain and suffering. They think I laugh at them but really I laugh at the illusion, because some part of me always deeply knows that events are temporary. For me, I deal with stress and worry by laughing, by raising joy within myself.

At least, I used to naturally, but now I feel like I have a hard time doing anything but brooding because that's the only way I know how to be 'serious' enough for people. When people are miserable they want to see that others reflect their misery so they can feel justified in their emotional reactions, I feel.

When I was young I was in such a clear state of self-knowing and I recognize the difference between myself then and now. I used to be so at ease, relaxed and able to find the positive in anything. That got me anger though because in a world of so much apparent negativity how could someone laugh in the face of it all?

I guess it's because although suffering is great, I know Love is greater and to me, genuine joy and laughter is one of the purest expressions of Love.

So, I do not laugh at you or your misery, I laugh at the experience, at the amusement, irony and silliness of human temporality. In the moment it is as though the universe is crashing down around you and then moments will occur where it is all forgotten. I just see this cycle of experience and acceptance.

I tried for a long time to match peoples' vibrations so if they are in a bad mood or feeling miserable I would try to empathize and sympathize with that. Now I'm realizing I'm kind of killing myself because I'm keeping myself locked around vibrations that others are at and neglecting my own actual progress.

So, I am learning to laugh naturally again, without suppressing it in favor of more serious approaches. I apologize if this is troublesome but now you know at least that it is not malicious.

I can very much relate to this.