01-05-2016, 07:19 PM
A child is a bit different because they haven't had time to process or develop their own sense of mortality. They aren't afraid of dying per se, only of being in a place that they truly don't understand. They simply lack the awareness of their own existence and experience of life itself.
One could then liken an adult who is unaware of the greater picture as a child I guess. Lacking the wherewithal to realize that all will be well regardless of the outcome. I guess part of the issues is my lack of connection with my mother.
When my daughter had to have 9 of her teeth extracted in the operating room of a hospital, I don't remember being very nervous or afraid. This was prior to awakening though. I just kinda knew she would be ok.
Going back to my mother, maybe it's because the reason for her surgery is self inflicted due to smoking, verry poor diet, and inactivity. Part of it is the lack of connection. Sometimes it makes me feel ungrateful because I know all she's done has been out of love though what I would consider misguided. I've always realized she's tried her best and always loved me the most out of my siblings and she's told me that. Yet I never could reciprocate. I often wondered why as a child and adult yet never found a reason. I just didn't love my mother like she did me.
Which has always lead me to wonder if I ever truly knew what love is. But then I look back at how I loved my ex and how I love my girlfriend and my daughter. It's just always been a constant love and connection that I have never felt for my mom. My grandparents and I had that connection. My psychologist always felt that since they kinda raised me while my mom worked after leaving my biological father, I could have potentially formed the maternal and paternal bond with them instead.
That doesn't necessarily make me feel better given the amount of love my mother has shown me but it explains it quite well.
So going back to my daughter, I can see the reason to be there mainly because if something happened to her, it would be something that was out of her control. Something that which was created for some sort of lesson to her and or I. Something that which would be frightening to her only because it wasn't her fault. I would be there for her because I wouldn't want her to be alone given her immature mind, body, and soul. I am there to be the one to comfort her because she doesn't know any better. By contrast, an adult should have learned that there are consequences to ones actions. To continue to act irresponsibly, invites consequences. Thus to find empathy for ones implicit irresponsibility is difficult to me
One could then liken an adult who is unaware of the greater picture as a child I guess. Lacking the wherewithal to realize that all will be well regardless of the outcome. I guess part of the issues is my lack of connection with my mother.
When my daughter had to have 9 of her teeth extracted in the operating room of a hospital, I don't remember being very nervous or afraid. This was prior to awakening though. I just kinda knew she would be ok.
Going back to my mother, maybe it's because the reason for her surgery is self inflicted due to smoking, verry poor diet, and inactivity. Part of it is the lack of connection. Sometimes it makes me feel ungrateful because I know all she's done has been out of love though what I would consider misguided. I've always realized she's tried her best and always loved me the most out of my siblings and she's told me that. Yet I never could reciprocate. I often wondered why as a child and adult yet never found a reason. I just didn't love my mother like she did me.
Which has always lead me to wonder if I ever truly knew what love is. But then I look back at how I loved my ex and how I love my girlfriend and my daughter. It's just always been a constant love and connection that I have never felt for my mom. My grandparents and I had that connection. My psychologist always felt that since they kinda raised me while my mom worked after leaving my biological father, I could have potentially formed the maternal and paternal bond with them instead.
That doesn't necessarily make me feel better given the amount of love my mother has shown me but it explains it quite well.
So going back to my daughter, I can see the reason to be there mainly because if something happened to her, it would be something that was out of her control. Something that which was created for some sort of lesson to her and or I. Something that which would be frightening to her only because it wasn't her fault. I would be there for her because I wouldn't want her to be alone given her immature mind, body, and soul. I am there to be the one to comfort her because she doesn't know any better. By contrast, an adult should have learned that there are consequences to ones actions. To continue to act irresponsibly, invites consequences. Thus to find empathy for ones implicit irresponsibility is difficult to me