[split] "The dark attacks from the shadow ..."

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Ah, so you're just judging yourself through me.

Alrighty, good enough for me.

I am not doing any judgment, I am trying to make you aware of something.

Just like when you said that light hurts, you have been the one judging youself with light.

Ah, so you're just negating me then.  Very good, sir.

I think a lot of people end up depressed; but I can't say if you specifically were extremely depressed in the past. Do you feel like you have / have had no self worth?

IMO, you should be what you want to be, not what you think you should be.

I'm in the middle of "The Nature of Personal Reality" (Seth) and it rang true when he specifically talks about depression being equated with the feeling of powerlessness, of not being able to change your reality/consciousness and being at the mercy of events outside of you.

Of course, what Seth teaches is that reality is the product of your conscious and unconscious beliefs, so it's exactly the opposite - we aren't at the mercy of events outside of us, we are at the mercy of ourselves.

I usually associate feelings of depression and low self-worth with an indigo blockage. It's like when plenum talked about how sometimes the colors are extra ON, and then they turn back off.

I think the typical pattern is that we get unblocked for a while, everything is gravy, and then we get an "echo" of the old reality that we don't want to be in, which causes us to doubt ourselves again, which leads to the indigo ray being blocked again. OR, we begin to see reality reflect our changes in consciousness, and that can get frightening, all the responsibility! So we shut it back down. This is where Tanner's quote is apt.

The next center is the pineal or indigo-ray center. Those blocked in this center may experience a lessening of the influx of intelligent energy due to manifestations which appear as unworthiness. This is that of which you spoke. As you can see, this is but one of many distortions due to the several points of energy influx into the mind/body/spirit complex. The indigo-ray balancing is quite central to the type of work which revolves about the spirit complex, which has its influx then into the transformation or transmutation of third density to fourth density, it being the energy center receiving the least distorted outpourings of love/light from intelligent energy and having also the potential for the key to the gateway of intelligent infinity.

The new material is this: once the green ray has been achieved, the ability of the entity to enter blue ray is immediate and is only awaiting the efforts of the individual. The indigo ray is opened only through considerable discipline and practice largely having to do with acceptance of self, not only as the polarized and balanced self but as the Creator, as an entity of infinite worth.

We are all worthy. We are all the Creator. We just let our thoughts get in the way of experiencing that all the time.

It was less responsibility being an issue, extremely more-so I became very, very tired.  To the point I had trouble just getting out of bed from sleepiness.  It was like I was hit with constant fatigue, I'm not one to push myself, when I need to rest, I need to rest.  Few things will change that.

Have any one of you ever spent several months being in as many ways you can actually intrinsically or judicially or...physically of Service to Others?  Where you trained your mind to have no ill will, to truly see God and to ennact love to All Beings before you?  Where toxicity was met with resolute peace, and anger or cruelty met with unwavering kindness.  To be in love with people for who they are no matter who or what they show or how or why?

The only responsibility I had in regards to pouring love into the reality, was To Love Unconditionally, to Feel Truly Love for AnOther.  That made my Reality, Love itself in 3D form.

The trouble came with weariness, not worrisome thoughts, and I consider that me having been burned out. A.

B, I was doing a lot of work in Consciousness (relatively speaking) in those months, all, completely, alone.

That's...unrecommended.

Has anyone here ever done as I?  If not I still think you can understand my position at the time.  All alone, constantly giving all I got, only to see that those I helped remain sad and miserable as I grew happier and happier.  I could not help anyone to be happy in any lasting meaningful way.  Only Myself, and I was, until I wanted so badly to share those feelings of bliss and joy, to no avail even remotely, unable to even scratch the surface.  Unscathed.  People suffer.

And I can't stop or help it.

That was all I wanted, I thought changing my reality would also help others.  It was temporary, essentially meaningless.  And that saddened me.  And it made me weary.  Until I just couldn't deal with it anymore.  It's not the responsibility, its the sorrow and hope that made me push myself so hard I burnt out.

All I ever wanted was to make people happy, and time and time again, I see I am incapable of doing such in a meaningful fulfilling nontemporary way.  So much so, I gave up.

Me admitting my faults.  Not beating myself up.  I wish I was still physically perfect and infinite.  I acted like it and wrecked myself.