Embracing/Accepting Murder Fantasies and The Absence of the Value of Life in Society

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

SPEAKING of anger.  I'm currently angry since a 40 minute spent post up and disappears thanks to the refresh button.
-flips everything the bird for 15 seconds-

ANYWAYS, I'LL TRY THIS, AGAIN.  Maybe this time 3 people, or 5 won't interrupt me endlessly for 30 god damn minutes.

Or maybe you have deceived yourself?

It seems all you can take from your anger is violence. Maybe there is another way to experience that energy? I do not speak against your 'fantasies', that is not my point, my point is where do you go after you realize that anger itself isn't actually the source of the violence but rather your own tendencies?

I am not suggesting repression or blocking, but guiding. It seems often your mind is master of you rather than the other way around. When you 'complete' a murder fantasy where do your thoughts then take you? Better yet, why does violence have such a charge of power in your mind that it results in the release of your anger when you follow through with it?

Maybe, as you say, it is all of the images and examples in life which tie anger and violence together. Anger is in many ways often depicted as being violent in and of itself, but I actually don't think this is true. I think it's dealt with and experienced by people in many different ways. I do not contend to want to change anybody's way, but I am curious to understand the nature and so I do through through the juxtapositioning of different examples.

Anger has been a very recurring theme in my life so I hope to learn more from this.

Just some of my thoughts is that anger is almost always red-ray energy blockage which is creative energy at its most fundamental but I think orange-ray plays a big role in it. I think because the energy that is anger is trapped in that vibration in that zone and becomes imbalanced with the other centers. When that anger is allowed to move up and become the next grade of vibration it is the same energy still, just transposed or transmuted.

Thus, I would ask, what do you think anger is before it is anger and what of its passing?

Yeah, this is infuriating, so decently put, all gone.  I'll try this again point by point...

My Anger and Violence are separate, it's probably more appropriate to say Society desensitizes people to violence, with anger being an excuse for violence.  I actually use anger as a power house or energy, there's a reason I used to spend entire 8 hour shifts furious.  I had no other energy available.

I don't think the source of my anger is violence, it's actually as I said, Apathy and Cruelty.  But regardless, I don't hold a past incarnational placement or any time or spacial placement having effected/effecting me as external, everything I create is sourced from I (though this explanation is also meant to imply I'm an extension of the Creator as everything actually comes from the Creator).  Regardless...  Where do I go?  Typically to shame and worry for my mental state of health.  I used to spend 8 hour shifts in and out of murder fantasies in heavy anger, there was no release even with violence, it's just endless.  The only way out of the very bad moments is to use a lull in the energetic charge to change my train of thought and go elsewhere, but it it like a gravity well.  It's easy to get sucked right back into it.

I would agree with the mind being master over I if not for already noticing and handling that.  Just as with light/dark, sts/sto, I reconcile Mind and Body as Mind/Body, there is no master or submissive persona/entity/differentiation anymore as when there was, both Mind and Consciousness (or Body in terms of the Brain's making possible Consciousness's ability to experience through the brain) constantly butted heads, aka my shadow self and I were constantly trying to be the dominant, like butting heads in one head, I silenced all of that before anything else.  If there is a master, it's under the knowledge that I'm a puppet and the one holding the strings, anything my mind does, I do, anything I do, my mind does, we work in tandem, as One.  Mind/Body or Mind/Consciousness, however is easier to understand.

Anger is not Violence, Anger is like the silent fury of red entering every other chakra, can cloud your judgment or hone it, can make you dangerous or easier to deal with.  Violence is not that, Violence is much more Orange Ray imbued.  And it is addicting as are many Orange Ray energies.  Tom and Jerry, the Looney Tunes, we enjoy violence, as do I when no pain is involved.  Half the reason competitive video games are fun, violence is fun and enjoyable in society.  I just don't enjoy it as much when people are actually getting hurt.  Why do you think Football is so popular?  You think people would watch it as much if the tackling was replaced with touching?

The first time I ever saw red in anger was in 4th grade, in Mr. Lamp's class.  I.  Refrain from further comments...  Beyond one can only be bullied and neglected for so long, if I weren't a gentle person, I'd probably have put one of those kids in the hospital.

If not the pathetic excuse for a human being that went by Mr. Lamp him self for how he treated me.

As I typed before I lost everything, my Anger is Red Ray very much so, but it is fueled heavily by Orange AND Yellow Ray energies imbuing themselves altogether. I don't just hate reality, I hate the way it's designed (Orange Ray), I hate the structures that appear within it (Yellow Ray), but beyond that, I only hate such because it is all Hard for me to Deal with.  The recurring Anger is multifaceted, violence, apathy, cruelty, indifference, malice, hatred, are all roots.  And they branch into every month and year of my life since...Well probably infanthood if my cholicness (6 months of crying since I was born) wasn't just from bad parenting...  Chances are, I was born upset and angry.

Anger is Anger.  It's intelligent infinity before it shows up but that's like a cop-out answer.  Before Anger is usually discontent, or sadness for me, usually because my needs were never met emotionally or mentally.  Being trapped by fucking morons being told I'M the one who was 'special' being forced into illiteracy because I live in an ass-backwards country with a shitty educational system, disregarded, endlessly, not cared for, blamed for everything.  I have, A LOT, to be angry about, and frankly I'm amazed I"m not angrier, cause there is always more anger, more fury, more hatred and malice, that after a point I choose to sever away from, because it is as I said, endless I discovered.

Anger doesn't really have an end result for me beyond An EXTREME form of Awareness and inverted love energy that can be used, albeit not as efficiently, the same way an open red ray gives energy, just with a loss since the conversion rate is not as pure.

Great Challenge?

I mean.  How's that work when you consciously are aware that there is no such thing as darkness or negativity beyond the illusion of it?

That seems like the real power garnished from the negative path, is playing with mirrors more so than anything else, distorting the service they give as being 'negative' when my understand of negativity is just inverted positive.  All things are a service.  Even the confusion, illusion, manipulation.

What is inverted positive if not negativity? Lol It looks to me like you are doing your own playing with mirrors in an attempt to become more comfortable with things. Yes, all things are service, but that doesn't mean all things are serving to everyone all the time. Always serving the Creator, yes. Service is in everything but service is not unlimited in everything, so it is perfectly possible for someone to serve only themselves as the Creator while not serving others as the Creator, why wouldn't it be? Just because you are serving doesn't mean you haven't picked a side. That is the whole point of the concept of polarity is how one serves. Just because there is service to all doesn't negate the possible modes of service.

If anything, if I'm being honest, your idea of service seems incredibly selfish and designed to absolve you of any responsibility, as well as anybody else, just saying.

Actually that's not wrong, and I would've said such but didn't want to start more contentions between what positive and negative are as I don't view either as the purest form of what is sought after in my life.  Positive is negative, negative is positive, male is female, female is male, light is dark, dark is light, left is right, right is left, up/down, down/up, in everything there is a middle ground.  It all stems from a Center/Source.

I am telling you right now, I have chosen [b]How[b] I serve Creator on my own terms for the Creator, I don't see a positive or negative to this, just an attempt to balance Love with Wisdom, giving endlessly makes me angry, I wonder why that is (<-- rhetorical), and in Negativity belies Wisdom just as in Positivity belies Wisdom, both have a piece of the whole, can't properly acquire both halves of the key without both halves first being available, and arguably the Tooth of the key (STO) is all that is really needed, but much greater ease comes if you've got a handle of the key (STS) to help you turn it once in the lock.  Some people learn how to turn the key without the Teeth, why they would do that to themselves, is a matter of personal desire.  I want the whole damn key.  Not asking for my cake and to eat it too, I'm specifying portion, and what kind of cake I'll be eating just as much as being surprised by how it's made and presented to me.

I'm glad you view it in that way, an attempt to 'ab-solve' responsibility.  What I'm actually attempting is to explain how there is no need to worry about Responsibility, it will be performed naturally if it is time.  Not just that, but in the absolute long run, in the face of Eternity, responsibility becomes just another tool to the metaphysical game-board belt.  One that is just as multifaceted as anger can be.

In my opinion, I do feel that responsibility is an excuse to create something to screw up then hold the person responsible despite the design being such as it was intended and inevitably going to screw up 'forcing' responsibility.  My innate issue with the design of reality stems from mainly the above feeling.  Like everyone is put here with the stack shoved heavily against them, then told it's their responsibility to fix something they aren't actually responsible for only because had they the ACTUAL CHOICE, they would have done things differently had they not all been snuffed out, silenced, and forced down by an apparently divinely placed group aka Iluminati/Lucifer, or whatever it might be.  Who is anyone to dictate how things will be run?  They sure don't just allow it to be, and what is their excuse?  For the greater good?  Because they can?  Is any of it worth it?  The endless suffering and plodding through s*** and piss to get to some place only to be beat back to Square 2, if not snuffed out to Square 0.  Where's the justice?  When does the 'Elite' and those who snuffed out so much light, stole so much work, kept so much hidden and pained, when do they get Karma?  After our planet is irradiated into extinction for 4D to come around?

Responsibility is a trigger word for me, I sense mass, great huge massive hypocrisy in this term in the mechanics and operations of this reality just personally.  Responsibility is a way to be cut down, is a tool to abuse and use against others.  'It is not only a responsibility to yourself to keep yourself healthy, but the job you work at, Mr. Beechcroft' -The Twilight Zone A Matter of the Mind (or however that episode name and quote went, too pissy to care at the moment.)

Responsibility is an excuse, You are responsible for YOURSELF, nothing more, anything you effect is arguably your responsibility, but past a point, it is also catalyst and no longer yours.  The responsibility mechanic butts heads with Karmic theory.  Once you relinquish karmic ties, does responsibility keep you further bound??

What is the opposite of Karma, and Responsibility?  I do not believe in karma tying one down forcing them to reincarnate, this defies Free Will.  I do not believe in Responsibility forcing one to perform as such, this undermines Free Will.  I comprehend the Law of Responsibility, but just as I see that The Law of Attraction is not absolute, neither is Responsibility, nor the various Laws of Karma.

Free Will is what the cosmos is responsible with upholding to its denizens.  Confusion similarly does not fit Free Will to me, but is the absence of Free Will, another aspect of the reality of nature in this Octave, you have Free Will but only of what is allowable/possible, Free Will is a misnomer to me and has been for a while and is one area, along with Responsibility, and Karma, that bother me often because they make no sense when all put together.
The only thing that ever did make sense to me was if that all came together to naturally bring entities to perform certain ways, not forcing them.

Yet from the way it is described, it sounds more like a form of bondage to me, and I greatly am unappreciative of this.

I'm more than sure the reason one returns is because at their soul-persona they are not as engendered and bothered by everything as they would be down in it without any knowledge what so ever.

Frickin hell, the Veil alone creates many, many great contradictions to how Responsibility should work, how does an innocent be held responsible?  How does one who DOES NOT KNOW be held responsible?  By an authority.

That is not freedom, free will, or appropriate responsibility utilization, it is manipulation to me.

And if the cosmos calls manipulation Free Will, then I decree the cosmos for the first time, Innately Confused.  It is not the Law of Confusion, it is simply, Higher Confusion.  Mystery, or Confusion, is there a difference?

So I seek something beyond all of that, it is my flaw maybe, that I look so far, so thickly into it, so furiously and passionately.  Reality is innately wrong to me, and that is in itself wrong, so the Major Difficulty comes in reconciling an innate feeling and resonance and belief that this is true, feeling it where I see it.  Being all of it, attaching myself to things, juxtapositioning, furiously, tiredly, constantly.

Responsibility, Karma, Free Will and Confusion.  I don't worry about them, they are a waste of time to me in the long run because they sound like manipulators to force an entity to evolve a certain way.

That is not Free Will in any sense or interpretation, nor is it confusion in any sense of interpretation, it is only manipulation and I let the Universe know by constantly telling it to bend to my whim, as if to say I were a Reality Bender, (I'm not), I want to tell the higher echelons of this Octave, the Creator, and everything, since I told myself and nothing changed, yet when I tell others, reality ripples and bends and changes.

I see a lot of chains.  You can have your Love and Light, I want Truth, this Reality, is very obnoxious to me, maybe it's a perfect confusion and convolution on my part, but I am innately unhappy with this reality and blockage or not, it is deep, and the issue stems across my entire energy system, Love can be used to manipulate, honesty is used against others, intuition can be manipulated, what is the Higher Self then but a potential loving manipulator?  The constant occurrence of one is all, nothing is frowned upon, met with 'this is Positive, this is love, this is negative, this is indifference'.  I am not a fan, just look at my rant...

P.S. Remember, we've pretty much all been MK-Ultra'd.

I actually for a long while had that thought recurring over and over, am I being MK'd, I just figured it paranoia, do you actually believe this?

I don't see how "selfishness" or "irresponsibility" is relevant in any way. Sounds like subjective value judgements that don't add anything to the discussion.

This is literally why I try to ignore judgment, and things like 'STS', 'darkness', 'negativity', 'irresponsibility', 'inadequacy', and 'weakness' as anything but excuses to keep one from constantly chasing their desire and the Truth they seek, whether it be an incarnational goal, a soul goal, a polarity goal, or any kind of goal.

There's so much to use as an excuse, so much madness to get in the way, and at times I con't even know, like right now, I'm just angry and annoyed and blabbering incoherency in frustration.

I'm gonna go play a video game.