Embracing/Accepting Murder Fantasies and The Absence of the Value of Life in Society

[Aion]

what is the Higher Self then but a potential loving manipulator?

Why do you see the Higher Self as such?

Just potentially.  Sometimes it feels that way to me...  Sometimes, it doesn't.

For some responsibility is what calls them to their desires. It seems like despite you saying there is no negative or weakness or anything you still imply that concepts such as responsibility are just 'excuses' and madness, but is that not a negative conceptualization?

Looks to me like you're having a lot of fun shooting yourself in the foot.

Also, yes, I think that MK Ultra is very much a real thing and I do believe that the vast majority of westerners have all been influenced by its techniques. Once you know the basic techniques it becomes obvious how much it permeates Film, TV and the like.

You make numerous claims of your intense hatred, but then say there's nothing bad or negative? That sounds like some hardcore cognitive dissonance.

I'll refer back to E_S, your versions of negative and positive aren't fitting of mine in a sense.  Hatred, Violence, anger, pain.  Negatives?  Yet negative is positive, and positive is negative.  It's all tools to me.  But I'm starting to honestly see this is like trying to fight a tsunami with a sand bucket.  I always find myself in this placement.  The only person who feels and sees and thinks these ways...

So...All I really have to say.

Is if I did have a gun, and have been shooting myself in the foot, by NOW, I'd be up to my femur by now from shooting myself, over, and over, and over.

I'm tired of trying to explain it...

Tired of people, and wanting to be alone but desiring company.

I think I should take a break from this all now.  I'm tired of reality and life...  I can't even enjoy my sleep or dreams.  I go outside, and the noise is endless everywhere.  My neighbor with his bass blasting, the cars always roaring at the highway's all around me.  Can't sit in a park and enjoy the tree's without people giving me issues.  Go out to walk and my stomach bothers me, the sun bugs me, the night I can't even enjoy anymore because I have daily nonsense to tend to in a world so backwards it says I'm responsible for all of the suffering, when all of my suffering is derived from everyone else.

Can't even get the job I want because this place says having a plant substance in your body...  Bah.  I'm done.

Suffering is overrated.

I'm starting to feel like Will Riker from Frame of Mind...  Nothing makes sense, then suddenly it does, then suddenly it doesn't.  One second I can explain it, another it's like trying to make sense of something everyone thinks is foreign...

Truth.  I don't care anymore.  I need to leave.

You all probably find me ridiculous.  Annoying.  Blatant.  I'll stop bothering you all now.

I'm just trying to talk with you, man, you don't have to prove or explain anything to me. I ask questions in the manner of my curiosity and desire for understanding but I by no means demand answers and you are free to simply state, as you have done, that you would prefer not. That's all good, bud.

I just can't help but see a glaring cognitive dissonance. By your logic here suffering is positive, so if suffering is positive then why do you not like it? It's like burning yourself but insisting the flame is not hot, I'm just trying to see how you've built your ideas. Of course there is no obligation to help me understand, just a curious cat I am.

Plus, I complete agree with you that they are all tools. Yet, when I think of tools, they have particular purposes. You're probably not going to use a hammer to perform brain surgery. There are limits to the tools.