Greetings from the Dark

[Immortalis Vigil]

Indigosilver:

I understand all too well the path you tread. I have now spent years trying to live a life in service to other selves, and still struggle with a cold heart and excessive personal ambition. As a wanderer of wisdom you will find you can switch between polarities relatively easily. As someone driven primarily by intellect and wisdom, you will find all you have to do is switch your paradigm, and you will almost immediately find yourself polarizing in the desired direction. More than most, our ideas form our reality. Unlike our heart centered brothers and sisters, who intuitively polarize because of an innate sense of what is right, our initial polarization depends on what paradigm we use to interact with the world. This provides an initial advantage, but is ultimately limited by the lack of "emotional fuel" that drives further polarization towards STS or STO. A big open heart ameliorates all differences and allows one to polarize rapidly towards STO, just as hate and anger thicken the walls between self and other self for those pursuing STS.

I ran out of fuel on the STS path. I ran out of hate and anger, and stopped resenting the world for not living up to my expectations. This happened after I accepted that I chose to be here, and that the flaws of my fellow beings were in fact unperfected aspects of myself. How could I hate them and profess love of self, if all was one? I came to this world with too much arrogance, and was consumed by a fear of attachment and contamination. Ironically, the fear of getting stuck here is a sure path to indifference or STS.

I have found other brother and sister wanderers of wisdom. We all seem to be going through a similar cycle. I have come to believe the cabal that rules this world will die of old age, as those who would replace them turn our backs on STS.